The Hermit Club

camillegal

markat u'r right no one talks about it when I was 1/2 thru chemo I do remember thinking worse than I do normally and I still have it.  I don't think alot of the Drs. took it seriously a few years ago tho, now there is more proof. I thought I was the ony one cuz i never heard of it at all then and I called it chemo brain.  Haha I started the term. hahahahaha

Thanks so much for all u'r input Teka, without u wise words we would be lost . LOL

Skittle

eeeg.  Again, can't keep up.  Sounds for the most part to be great news, though.  Giddy good riddances.  Good reports.  Great attitudes.  (camille--I love your spirit!)As for working full time...  it's that gotta do what you gotta do mode we all fall in.  I put on my happy-normal face for my kids, and collapse and let myself fall into hermitude at home.  The kids have only become suspicious on a couple of days when I had to leave early (as in right now!!!) when I ran out of steam... or turned a little green around the edges.  But they're clueless as to why.  I don't want a pity party or kids volunteering to shave their heads!    I always wear long sleeves when blood draws leave bruises and tracks... and when pain gets the best of me I plan a lesson that lets me work one-on-one with them at my desk, while some work small group...  It's doable.

FLwarrior... this may be way out of the realm of reality for you, but have you ever thought of substitute teaching?  It's flexible enough to let you say no on days you feel rough, but is frequent enough if you want it to be, to actually make rent.  Don't know regulations where you are, but it might be worth a look-see.  I am so so sorry you lost your current position.  My dd2 is on the job hunt.  She applies everywhere but mostly finds leads online.

As for mom responses...  Lost mine four years ago to bc and bone mets, but I can fully picture her with "juicy" details to repeat if she had ever learned of my diagnosis/journey.  There's something about having a tragic tale to share that gets attention from momfriends.  Seems to supply some needed center of attention gene, I guess.  (my dd2 and I still cringe and laugh at the same time when we eat out.  My mother would announce to any waiter, with a subtlety known only to a rhino in heat:  "Those two are vegetarians!!"--sigh)  But... it can't be easy for you all.  I'm so sorry.  I think my choice would be to share enough to be truthful, but not enough to be interesting.

Keep smiling.  Love you guys.  

FLwarrior

Teka I saw the story on chemo brain on the Nat'l News too. I had chemo brain for sure...still do sometimes!!! I don't recall my onc actually talking about it, but I think one of my chemo nurses may have made a reference to it. I read about it and everybody "here" talks about it. Glad the "science" is backing us up!

Camille bless your heart!!! Will keep sending good vibes your way for a good Dr. visit on Thursday!  That D-train needs to be de-railed! Glad your scan was good news, but sorry its more arthritis!!

Stormy the Epirubicin made me pee “red” …I freaked the first time even though the chemo nurse warned me. 4 chairs how nice, perfect for a hermit!  My place had more like 40 chairs…way too much chaos for my liking.  I always tried to get in the corner.

Skittle what age/grade do you teach?

Markat Hooray on being done with infusions!!!! That is awsome about your nurses giving you a cake! How fun!

Bgirl I asked my mom not to discuss with anyone when I was dx.  I did not go public w/ my dx.  She told her friends anyway and I came unglued.  She came and lived with me during tx.  I would hear her on the phone talking and telling…I got to where I wouldn’t tell her anything and I would NOT let her go to the Dr with me. I love her and appreciate her coming to “take care” of me. But I was crazy mean…had roid rage bad!  I blew up so bad, she never said another word to anyone.     Stable MRI…Hooray for you!!!

*wave* whaevah, LL

　

　

FLwarrior

I'd like to Thank each of you for expressing your concern for my job situation. I have tried not to panic! My room-mate was going to ask someone he knows in his office-building if they had any openings. (I knew that.) When he got home about 8 last night, he said "Are you busy tomorrow afternoon?" Me "No" Him "Well I talked to J and He just placed an ad for an opening they have. He already has interviews set up most of the day. Can you interview with him at 1pm?" Me "Uuuhhh...yes". I go in my room and try on the 2 pair of black slacks that I bought when I was looking for my last job...shortly after chemo. (I was under weight). I am now at a more normal weight and they are too tight...no way can I wear them to a job interview!!! Mind you it is now 8:15pm...PANIC! I tell room-mate "do you think I can postpone the interview until Wednesday? My pants don't fit and I'll have to go get some new ones." He tells me "no, you better not wait because they are interviewing several others tomorrow, you should do what ever you have to do to go on Tuesday at 1. He offers to lend me his men's slacks!!! Really??? He says we are about the same size you can borrow them if you want. OMG!!! Really??? I am no where near his size!!! Men...men... Then he has this brainstorm...the stores are open late...they are on their holiday hours! So...this hermit got back home about 11pm last night with a pair of LADIES black slacks in hand that actually fit! My printer wouldn't work this morning so I ended up taking a resume that wasn't completely up to date...UGH! I went to the interview and it went very well. They are calling me next week to schedule a second interview...But..............You knew that was coming didn't you.........They currently do not offer insurance. They are expecting to have it by march or april....Gulp!  Thanks for listening!

Hugs to you all!!!

Teka

I wonder how much chemo brain affects ones thought process when posting on threads.   I now only post on threads that make my heart feel a size larger.

Teka

FLwarrior,

I hope you get the job, and somehow manage to obtain health insurance coverage through COBRA.  

FLwarrior

Thank you Teka.  COBRA will be offered, but I can not afford it financially.  It is waaaaay to $$$ for my little budget. I will keep sending resumes and applying and see what happens.

markat

Congratulations on the interview FL! That's wonderful! I had to borrow clothes for my interview. I ordered some cheap polos and khaki's from Old Navy. Apparently I'm not quite as big as I picture myself, because they are huge, lol.



Skittle, speaking of people shaving their heads in support...did you guys see that professional cheerleader that shaved her head because the football coach had leukemia? That is a pet peeve of mine. I think it's so dumb, lol. First off, you will grow your hair back way quicker than anyone with cancer. Secondly, you don't have cancer! Cut your hair short and donate it. The only time I don't wince from it is when it's a spouse or parent. If one of my girls lost their hair and would feel better if I shaved mine too, then I would.



I'm feeling a little yucky tonight. Slept for a long time and just woke up!

camillegal

Markat I hope u feel better---I'm sorry it's still hanging on.

I see Teka is talking up a storm.

FL This sounds good, but I know u need insurance This is tricky. But u have u'r interview pants anyway.

OHhhhh my Katie-Kat is calling.

LizLemon

FL Warrior - OMG - that is GREAT news!!! Fingers and toes crossed for you...even if you get this job with no insurance - you can still look for other ones while you're getting a paycheck from this one!



Re: Ablation - I just had an ablation in July (prior to my Oct. dx of Stage IV). I had it because every month was like a crime scene in my pants. It was bad! Anyhoo - I was hoping to be one of the ones that never got a period again - but no such luck. I still get them, but they are what I would call in the realm of normal now. Even a bit less than normal - so waaaaaay more manageable.



Re: life after treatment...for me, I was scared when the chemo stopped. Oh so happy, but scared (like, what would keep the cancer away without chemo, etc.), but that passes...it really does pass with time. And then at some point, I looked back on the whole experience almost as if it had happened to someone else...I mean, I felt I came that far from it. Try to enjoy treatment free life!



As for mothers: My mother is a really toxic person. She stole my identity when I was 19, creating credit problems for me without my knowledge. She stole shoes, clothes, money from me. She left me with my abusive grandparents to be raised, knowing what would happen - in a hoarder house full of filth and about 20 cats (I had/have asthma and severe allergies). (I swear to God, I'm not making this up...). Mother is also alcoholic. That - is just the very tippy tip of the iceberg of that whole story.



After all that, as an adult, I tried to forgive her and have a relationship with her. All I got was drunk messages full of profanity on my then answering machine (as I was having treatment for my original bc dx). Having a 10 year old at the time, I made a decision to stop talking to her for my and my son's protection.



So- fast forward to today, 12-13 years later. I get my latest dx. I told my aunt (normal person) her sister, and my mother knows through their other sister. My mother has not so much as picked up the phone to call Aunt #1 to see if I'm dead or alive.



I love my son so much, that it is hard for me to wrap my head around how evil my own mother is. I hate to admit it, but I get jealous of my friends who have just fabulous mothers. It's hard not to...I chalk it up to being human (my jealousy)...though I'm not proud of it.

markat

Oh my goodness LL, that is so terrible. I don't understand it either I'm so glad you were able to move past her!



I am so sick today. I think it may just be a coincidence because I've never been "sick" from herceptin. I did get a flu shot yesterday. Wonder if that's it. I'm about to take an old anti nausea pill lol. I feel like I have the flu! Headache and stomach! Sorry for whining

Teka

Toxic relationship.

Teka

The flu shot has been blamed many times for giving the flu.

bgirl

LL - I will be happy with more manageable ... gone would be great too!  Sorry about your mom, hard when the people we think should love us the most dissapoint.  My mom is just in her own world .... an oversharer of personal details ... a hoarder(wonder if some strange thing in that) and was brought up as an only child for 15 years and then had a sister ... think she still wants that attention back.  But she does love me, so sorry your mom can't remember what a real parent is supposed to do.  We care whether you are alive or dead!  Happy to listen any time.

Fl warrior - paycheck would be good.  Do they have any medical assistance in your area for low income?  Do you keep any of your benefits for awhile after you were laid off that might help you through?  Keeping my fingers crossed for you ... you deserve a break.

camillegal

OMG LL what a shame how awful for u. I'm so sorry u hace those awful memories. But somehow u sound like u really know how to be a good mom--so u changed that life for the one u have now. And all the cancer $hit u'r going thru I'm so happy u have a son to love and be feeling better about. U talk about it anytime to onload here it's fine we all do it about something so if u feel like it do it.

Teka, please can u ever stop talking, u'r posts take up so much time and u know how busy I am.

Markat I think the flu vaccine is a live virus and many people get the flu from it to support u'r immune system so if u'r exposed to that or those types of flu it will be a light case, but if u'r exposed to a new flu it won't help. So u've no doubt have the SE from the shot-so in other words u have the flu that u won't catch later this yr. LOL I'm sorry u'f feeling it, they didn't tell u did they? Just relax and let it pass and treat it with lots of vitamin water and maybe some warm gingerale. That's about all u can do.

Teka r u interrupting (p) again????  I'll check in with u guys later The end.<3

Teka

whaevah

LizLemon ...wow, , all i can say is good on you to see how toxic your PAST was and I bet you are a wonderful mother. BTW, did you read BossyPants by Tina Fey? I laughed so hard DH had to come and investigate.

Markat...funny thing, these 8 days PFC have been pretty crappy as well, flu like symptoms and overall pain etc (could go on and on, you know the routine). I do wonder if it is a CUMULATIVE effect. The final kick, as such? Of course you had the flu shot as well, why not just punch yourself in the nose too...full body effect. The only spot on my body that does not ache is the third eyelash on the left eye.

camillegal

whaevah well at least u have eyelashes LOL

OM Markat had the flu shot, but sometimes toward the end there is a sadness of u won't be protected anymore, I had that well it only lated 1 day, but I remember that day.

Hey I found an uside for chemo brain---I watch alot of tv (as u guys know) and I can watch the same movie in one month like 2x and I don't remember it, my DD will tell me I watched it--but by the third time it starts looking familiar. So see since I don't have to work it comes in handy

markat

Speaking of Mothers of the Year...Abby forgot her lunch today so I ran it to school. Then I came home and fell asleep. I was awoken by the phone ringing. I forgot today was early dismissal ugh.

Whaevah, I hope you feel better soon. It's not fair that the last one sucks so bad.

Camille, I think it's the combo of tx and the flu shot. Stupid! Hopefully tomorrow I feel better. I hate being sick!

Pukey hugs to all...

FLwarrior

In defense of the cheerleader who shaved her head…it was part of a fundraiser.  If they raised over 10K for cancer research she said she would have her head shaved on the field after the game. It was no-doubt a marketing play. They raised well over 10K and its all going to research.  In light of that, I say Good for her!!!

LL sorry to hear about your family/mother struggles. Dysfunctional families are really difficult. I grew up in one too.  I have wondered how many of us are from dysfunctional families?  I also wonder if the chronic stress from being raised in that kind of situation contributed to our dx??? 

Markat and Whaevah sorry you guys are feeling yucky!  Hope you both get a good nights rest and feel much better tomorrow.

SNL fans the SNL Christmas Special is on tonight.

Hi to all! *wave*

Skittle

LL--fantastic job overcoming rough roots!  Love how you're breaking the mold.  When I married, I promised myself to be the opposite parent type that I grew up with.  So far, so good! (proud proud happy with my 2 dds!)  Good luck--sounds like you're being wonderful.

FLwarrior--I teach sixth graders... from 11 to 14 year olds.  (and if you're taking a tally--add me to the dysfunctional background gang.  May have added to hermit tendencies.  a lot.)  and best of luck with job possible...  Interview pants are always good to have--you may have another opportunity to interview for a spot with full insurance $.  Best of luck.

markat--feel better!  Abby knows you love her.  She's lucky to have you. 

camille--just curious.  What color is Katie-Kat?  Through the years we've had a rainbow of furry friends and family, and each has such a different personality.  (hope I don't offend anyone... but all the Siamese I've ever met have been feline snobs.)  meeeow!

whaevah--bravo to that third eyelash!  Hoping its good feelings will spread!  Feel better.

Teka--YOU make our hearts grow! 

bgirl--caring about you!  be good to yourself.

whaevah

FLwarrier, thanks for the SNL headsup as well;

I just read "When The Body Says NO" by Dr. Gabor Mate who explores the effects of chronic stress in relation to breast cancer and all chronic illnesses. I found it very interesting and informative.

camillegal

Skittle---she;s grayish--She's a russian blue (I tink) and she loves to cuddle and as soon as I say where's my baby she comes to me and cuddles sometimes right at my neck with her little arms around me--she's probably trying to choke me and I think she's loving--She's an inside cat.

FL  know this dysfunctional family thing I wonder so many have come from them--I almost feel guilty when I talk about my Mom and Dad, I don't have them with me anymore but We all lived in Condos in the same bldg--I wa upstairs and my oldest dgtr wa down the hall. And before I went to work I'd stop at their home and my dad was up and we'd have our coffe together--then my mom would get up and have her coffe and they'd have breakfast and I'd go to work--my dad made the coffe and if I wasn't working we'd both put a liqour in it. haha Then on Sat--my sister brother everone was there and any grandkids came. My sister is my bestest frien along with my cousins we all grew up a block apart so we've always been close--When I'd walk to church on Sunday on the way back I'd stop by my aunt and she'd make me breakfast--anything I wanted. And I was my Dads baby until I was in my 60's and then he passed away. And the last 11 years of his life he was totally blind and never complained and gave me his car and my Mom would always move the funiture around and I'd tell her u can't do that when Dads blind and she'd say oh he'll figure it out. They were so fun and so loving--we had a ball growing up--so mine certainly isn't from that.

Sorry I got carried away, but I've been blessed in so many ways and I have to say my sister and I both wished for our Mom when we were DX with this thingy cuz she's take care of us and my Dad would go anywhere if we had a taste for something.And he's make us laugh alot. They would show us no fear, but cry when we weren't there. Now I'm crying and I never do that.--So I talk later Luv u gal

markat

Camille they sound absolutely wonderful! I'm so glad you had and still have a great family!

I'm sorry to you that have had struggles with your family. I've had it pretty easy also, in the scheme of things. Sometimes we have to create our family if the one we have sucks.

Hugs to all.

Teka

Max the dog.

Teka is an inside cat.

Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday, but X-mas can be an emotional downer.   I enjoyed watching the lighting of the X-mas tree in Rockefeller Center.

camillegal

Teka I do to--but I love the spirit of Christma and yea It's sad too thinking of all the yrs behind with so many loved ones not with us anymore. But we have the young ones now so I love it--I think this will be the lat year for Santa for my S I know he still believes but next he'll know and we celebrate for 2 days and it's nice.

bgirl

Cami - hope you are ok today.

Skittle - not offended about Siamese comment (my MIL had a couple of nasty ones over the years) but I wouldn't use those terms for my own.  Sucky/keep me warm/love me ... one will put his paws on DH when he comes home and cry till he gets picked up ... kind of like a 2 year old.  But the were brothers from same litter ... got them as a pair ... family raised and not from a breeder.  Very social and like company .... so it is great they have each other.  Indoor kitties ... only in yard with supervison.

SNL Christmas special  ... watched/slept my way through part of it.  Shouldn't have put my feet up ... then I was awake at 3 am

Hope today is a better one for all

camillegal

Jane my D finally stopped for now anyway--but I'm off to another Dr.s app't so I'll check in later.

Have a great day everyone.

markat

I'm feeling so much better today.



I hope everyone is having a good day. Camille let us know how the doctor goes.

camillegal

OK I'm home---my blood pressure is wsay down good, lost a couple of lbs since 2 weeks ago--I told them they should not weight people during holiday time--that's just cruel and unusual punishment. I have to get bloodwork done sgsin in 2 weeks and he wants me in again. Now I have to start with the gas, Dr. very soon--when I'm ready hahaha--My onc did say I see her in Jan. she thought my scan looked good but she's going to wacth my rib--so no worries about that either---So things are goodhahaha except for how I feel most  of the time--LOL and that's the same old stuff. So I'm done for a couple of weeks. YaY.