Very small tumor, no node involvement, age < 50, treatment?

EileenT

Sorry it's been a while. How are you doing Nora? I just had my BMX yesterday and got home from the hospital today. It's wierd to be boobless.

Eileen

noraLCIStoILC

Hi EileenT!!

Congrats on getting the BMX in the past.

It was strange to be boobless - it's also strange 8 weeks later to have "rocks in my chest" (that's only one way I refer to the TEs, my other current favorite is to call them "barbie boobs" - remember barbie dolls, you could drive a nail with her boobs... actually, do you remember the "grow up skipper"? she got taller and developed breasts?).

Take your time healing, I'm still having days where my body reminds me that the BMX was trauma.

The good news, the first 4 doses of Tamoxifen didn't bring any nasty SE's that I wasn't experiencing already (the MO weans his patients onto Tamoxifen - take 1 every 3 evenings for 5-10 doses, take 1 every 2 evenings for 5-10 doses, then take every evening). The thing that convinced us that Tamoxifen was the right choice - it can pass the blood brain barrier without showing up in the single node that was removed AND my tumors (LCIS and ICL) were VERY estrogen receptive.

The better news... I get my "permanent" silicone gel implants in ONE WEEK! I'm getting pretty anxious, but we've been reassured that after BMX that the exchange surgery is a piece of cake. My anxiety is from worrying ... will they be too small? will they be too big? will they be the same (not the same as they were before the BMX but will they match?)?

I'm still happy with the decision

But I'd be lying if I didn't admit that there have been some tears - mainly because even though it will be only 4 months between the lumpectomy and the exchange surgery, some days it seeems like this journey is NEVER going to end.

And, I'd be lying it I didn't admit that there have been a couple of occassions where I acted like a crazy woman - figured out that I was really acting like a sleepy, hungry toddler... wanting to fight about nothing at all and letting my mind go to the nutty-place where everything is absolutes and hyperbole. It helps to realize that's what was going on... those episodes stopped.

If you have any questions about stuff, feel free to ask!

Glad to hear from you and keeping you in my thoughts,

nora 

EileenT

OMG, I totally forgot about grow up skipper! :-) I'm glad that you are happy with the decision. I have the same fears now about what the reconstruction will look like, but actually I feel like a weight has been taken off my chest (pun conveninetly fitting here.) There was another area of DCIS in my right breast where the lumpectomy was done and also an area of DCIS in my left breast which was deemed to be clear by mammogram. Before the BMX I felt like a crazy woman, wondering if I was going "overboard" which is the distinct feeling I got from my MO. My poor husband and my mood swings. I am having delayed reconstruction so that I can to fat grafting with a BRAVA device. I will be so glad to get the drains out next week. Then I see my PS the next day and hopefully will be able to start the process soon. Even if he just does a little pectoral grafting for a little "cleavage" it would be a huge relief just to get started. I looked at my chest today without bandages for the first time and it was pretty emotional, but I thought I would be repulsed by myself and actually it wasn't that at all. I'm so glad to hear that your final exchange is next week. I'll be thinking of you!

noraLCIStoILC

Eileen,

I'm a bit emotional right now. It's great to talk to you.

I agree to being emotional the first time without bandages (I didn't see for 6 days - DH didn't look for 3 weeks, he gets queasy easy). But! It wasn't repulsive or gross at all. In fact, I thought about not doing reconstruction.

I'm SO happy to have my own nipples! The boobs didn't really figure into my self image (re diseased abnormal worry factories); but the nipples did. So far, they're doing fine & the PS said that she'd only need part of the original incision for the exchange ... do I'm hopeful that they're here to stay.

Good to hear that you're doing well so far. Make sure you rest & take pain meds if needed.

nora