Post 3 month treatment nerves or ...?

Anonymous

(I originally posted this in chemotherapy, but got less than 1/2 dozen replies and thought I'd try it here instead.)

Dear all,

Since this seems to be one of the most active forums, and besides, it DOES say "before, during and after..."

I'm freaking myself out.

I have my 3 month PFC checkup with my MO this coming Monday. I'm concerned about that--aren't sure what she'll do besides a physical exam and some bloodwork, but mostly I'm just plain scared.

I've done several BSEs since I finished chemo and during rads--but last week was the first time I really got in there and dug around in the incision site and around it, if you know what I mean.

I swear I keep feeling a lump just like the one I found originally (ILC 2 c) that sent me down this path in the first place. Just above the incision site.

But it moves around...sometimes I can't find it. I even drew a diagram to show my DH and then when I tried to show it to him to have him feel it--I couldn't find it.

And two weeks ago I had a dream that I had a recurrence but strangely in my dream I wasn't too concerned and neither was my oncologist--like we'd take care of it no problem.

I had a PET scan in Oct before starting chemo and it was clear.

I had DD AC and 12 taxol. 33 tx of rads.

I had 5 boosts to the tumor/incision site. Between chemo and rads (3 week wait period) I had a breast MRI. Clear.

My incision was fairly large, with clear (but close!) margins.

Is this normal? Is it simply a product of post-treatment nerves or something more ominous? Help, please. Sometimes my morbid, obsessive thoughts about death and dying and recurrence and lumps make me feel like I'm going insane. Ack.

Claire in AZ

ILC, st II gr. 1, 2c, 6/11 nodes, lumpectomy clear but close margins, bmx/recon scheduled later this year.