Stupid things people say

mssunshine71

I know I read a thread on here about the stupid things people say but I can't find it now and I had to throw this out there.

I have a close friend i talk to everyday but have spoken very little about recently finding out I had DCIS.  So I said it will be weird going back to work after almost 2 weeks off and the fact that my coworkers know (my boss had to tell them d/t the fact that I took off suddenly for two weeks) as people tend to look at you differently.

So then he says, "Well it's not Official Cancer is it?"  lol

Kinda caught me of guard :S 

LAstar

The first thing my MO said to me was "Congratulations!  You don't have cancer.  We don't consider this cancer." It's no wonder people are confused, because I was for quite some time.   But it is indeed cancer. It's official!

1boob

What makes me laugh (luckily) are when people say: "I knew a woman who had breast cancer.... she died after only three months." Why do they say it? I am keeping a record of these remarks as a way of making myself laugh rather than tell them to go and take a running jump

mssunshine71

LAstar - Wow!  I can't believe your MO of all people said that to you!

1boob - I like your name.  Show's you have a sense of humor which is definitely needed in times like these.  I also choose to laugh at ignorant things people say as most remarks are simply that; out of pure ignorance. 

agrp1

LAstar! That's exactly what my MO said to me yesterday! Did you keep your MO? I am not sure what to--I guess it's not a huge deal, as he is not blowing off my treatment or anything. It just bugs me.

1boob, you are too funny. I like your attitude. When I went for pre-op testing at the hospital they handed me a big bag with this fluffy pink blanket that was made by a volunteer group in memory of a lady who had died of breast cancer. So I morosely walked around the hospital with this big pink blanket just wanting to cry! 

LAstar

agrp1, I hope I will not need to see an MO again since I shouldn't need chemo or Tamoxifen after BMX.  If something surprising occurred, I would try to see someone else.  She was annoying for several reasons.  Surprisingly, she came highly recommended from two people I really trust on such issues!  I wanted to ask why, if I didn't have cancer, was I talking with a effin MO?  Is there someone else you can see?  It's nice to be taken seriously. 

OK, THIS was the most ridiculos thing anyone said to me (I have copied/pasted from a Facebook message from an old friend that I had just told about my BMX): "Yes, it seems like it has to be the only option if you are going to do it. Even though you wouldn't do the cutting yourself, you'd be deciding to do it. Did you ever see the movie 127 hours?" 

That's the movie where the guy gets his arm stuck under a rock while hiking and has to cut his arm off!!!  It's been about 6 weeks since I got that note and I still do not know what to say. 

Laurie08

I have to contribute to the stupid comments.  About a month after my BMX my mother in law was visiting from out of state.  We were sitting outside together watching my oldest son play in a sandbox and she says, "it's so weird how everyone is having something done to their breasts."  Me- HUH?  She says, " well you know first *Jane, (SIL had breast augmentation to go from a B cup to D cup), then * Sue ( niece who had a breast reduction because she thought they made her look fat) and now you."   Ummmmmmm.....  my response was,"  it's not quite the same, they had elective surgeries to change their appearance, I had my breasts removed because I had cancer."  Her response- " oh I knowm but you know what I mean- It's all the same."

I think I drew blood as I bit my tongue. 

Summer2recover

Oh ladies, you all have contender remarks for "the stupid things people say".  Laurie08 wins best stupid comment by a relative,  ya gotta love the blanket made by the deceased, the precious tales from people telling you about so and so who was diagnosed with BC and died shortly after, and last but not least the "unofficial"  cancer remarks.  I have heard similar stupid versions of most of these but the "127" hours plot comparison still has me chuckling and thinking "Yes, that's exactly how it went down!"

LAstar

"I was out hiking one day and my boob got stuck under this rock and all I had was this Swiss army knife..."  It will kill at cocktail parties!

Summer2recover

LAstar- After letting the whole "127 hours" scenerio bounce around in my mind, I bet (at least I hope) that what your friend so awkwardly trying to say is that they thought that you made a very courageous decision.  Especially since one side was "phrophy" and you were willing to have a BMX to boot.  I had a few people who thought I was being "so brave" and I told them that the way I felt was that if I was really brave I would just have a lumpectomy/radiation. I was happy to have a choice and am sooooo happy I went the BMX route, one side prophylactic like you.  One of my S-I-L's even said "I wonder what your mom would say" and she had just passed away 5 months earlier.  This was really annoying because she acted like my mom wouldn't have approved and now there was no way of proving her wrong.  Now, back to the movie plot- a woman is stuck in the mammogram machine and she knows she has breast cancer.....

LAstar

That's a good point, Summer2!  I can see the parallel in having to lose a body part in order to save your life. 

Truth be told, I was one of those people that awkwardly said the wrong thing.  Nothing like a little perspective...

proudtospin

Ok, so not sure if I told this story on here or not, 1 year after finishing rads and just as I got a good 1 year mamo report, my brother called, he has hodgkins and waited over 5 years till agreeing to treatment and now on round 8 of chemo, he started talking about getting cell transplant....and said best chance of a match was his won cells and the next best was a sibling.......I was sort of dumb but said, not thinking I would be allowed to do that....he said why?

duh, have asked lots of medical types and all agree that my brother has many loose screws in his brain....

he thinks DCIS stage 0 is not REALLY cancer but then again, we all know how foggy our brains can be some days?

Summer2recover

I know this actually sounds crazy but from what I understand if you have DCIS that is "cured" you may still be able to donate bone marrow. It looks like some other forms of cancer in situ that have been cured are also allowed.   Last year I had been put on the list and went to the website to update my health info and remove myself. As I read through, I realized that I didn't have to which made me very happy.  I'm completely with you on thinking it wouldn't be an option to donate.  DCIS is kind of an oddball in that sense.  For me, the threat of  the unknown from the DCIS was enough to convince me to have a BMX to reduce my risk of a reoccurance the best I could.  Maybe some people don't feel it is a huge threat but I looked at it as a welcome mat for a more, possibly harder to get rid of invasive cancer.

Shayne

some people should not speak.......i would not have bitten my tongue on any of these comments.

Has anyone got the "boob stare" yet?  I ran to the store the other day and saw an acquaintence and her family.  She said "Oh, how u doing?  I heard....."  and is staring at my boobs.......uh.....then her husband notices her and says "Nice Tshirt!"

 guess its just morbid curiousity 

here's the other thread on the dumbest things people have said:

http://community.breastcancer.org/forum/102/topic/744439?page=238#idx_7111 

mssunshine71

OMG yes!  the boob stare haha.  When I returned to work after surgery EVERY coworker that saw me for the first time upon returning stared at my boobs lol.

julz4

Mssunshine....Sometimes "THE STARE" makes me want to pull up my shirt & say "NOW YOU DON"T HAVE TO WONDER"! 

I don't go back til July 1....wondering how that will go.  I'm a CNA & have been off for about 6 weeks when I go back....I had 6 days off before surgery.   The work is very hard & I am worried about much.....I hope everyone is too busy Working to get shifty eyed with me!  I told a coworker before I left that I'll be coming back 1/2 "BOOB" a$$ed!   I had a lumpectomy!  

We have to think up some good "One Liners" to straighten out their eyes!  Tee He! ... Maybe "Have you seen a Eye Dr. lately"....make em go HUH & focus on my ? instead!  I'm done now & have to get my tongue out of my cheek! 

Shayne Thanks it's a good thread!

Shayne

YEP - I really want to get a t shirt that says something clever.......  since I just had a LX, not sure what that would be.... but I love the ones for those that have gotten MX  - " THESE BOOBS ARE FAKE - MY REAL ONES TRIED TO KILL ME"

1boob

I wore a T shirt to see my breast surgeon which said; "Single breasted is cool" and on the back it read; "Amazons Rule OK." But I have wondered whether to get one which reads: "Guess which?" I had one made for a friend which said; "I went for bust." Actually my single breasted T shirt turns out to be prophetic. I am SO sore in the mastectomy area that wearing any kind of prosthesis is agony. Softies ride up. Silicone rides down and weighs a ton. Both irritate the surface area. So, as I work from home, I wear nothing.

1boob

I've got a good one here.... Talking to a "friend" about caring for my elderly husband (who has 3 kinds of cancer). She gave me a torrent of advice including how I needed 3 visits a day from the incontinence service, brushing away my protests that I didn't. "If you try to do it yourself, your breast cancer will come back and you'll die," she threatened.

Any advance on this one?

JamieB86

When I catch someone looking at my chest, I pull my shirt tight and say "They look good don't they?"

Bobbin

When I told my sister how large my DCIS are.... 8mm and 6mm, she exclaimed....."THAT"S BIG! " thank you, good to hear!

LAstar

1boob, at a loss! Maybe you could ask her for the medical references on that. What is she thinking????

maize

After I first found out I had DCIS, a guy I know told me: "My mom had what you have.  She died from it when it spread to her lungs. Yep, she had the same treatments you're going to be getting."  That made me feel so hopeful.

owlwatcher

I got that one so many times in 1984 for another cancer. This time around it seems people are more educated and I haven't heard it.

kyrste01

One co-worker said, "that's the best kind of cancer to have." 

Wow, ok.  But the next comment got me.  A different co-worker said,"you're such a worrier, that's what happens when you worry"

Really?!?!

proudtospin

my brother replied when I said in my dazed voice at the time.....so it is not really cancer huh?

true he has Hodgkins and delayed treatment for 5 years until the cancer was bad enough that chemo would work

duh? am I missing something here? what is the purpose to find it early if you do not do something?

Shayne

Good point Proudtospin!

Denise-G

The stupidest thing anyone said to me during BC was in my 5th month of Chemotherapy.  They wrote me an email and told me that they missed the Joyful and Fun Me, and I needed to get out and have some fun.   I could barely walk around at the time I was so sick, was spending several days in bed, and supposedly one of my best and most understanding friends came up with that one.  

Now that I am able to have fun again, it won't be with them! 

Anonymous

For me, it is not really stupid comments but more so repetitive comments that have already gottent to the point of stupidity (mind you, it's only day 5 since my dx and I have already heard this stuff like 1,000 times haha). 

1. "You are just too young for this." - no sh*t sherlock...like c'mon are you telling me something new here...my only response to that is to shrug and go "You're tellin' me."

2.  "I'm so glad you caught it early." - this being said right after I tell them I have cancer but that it is stage 0 (no one hears that it is grade 3)...how about I'm sorry you have cancer at all? 

I am sure I'll have some gems eventually but I found this post and wanted to contribute to the extent that I could lol. 

Anonymous

Oh let me add (for those that may not have seen me on these boards) that I am only 23...I just want to start telling people to shut up...it is still cancer...no matter whether I caught it early or not.

julz4

Justegan! First off big hugs! It's so not easy at any age! Just DX & so much to deal with at a very young age. They consider me young too. I'm just a slight step above you in DX, but 22 years older. I understand as my DCIS was just starting to become invasive with a few micro invasions! I see your surgery is just days away...may everything go smoothly for you! Keep in touch & let us know how things are going!