Traumatized by boyfriend

600cc

I was diagnosed with breast cancer days after my 34th birthday. I was totally devastated, scared I may not make it, scared if I did what I would look like. I told my boyfriend of almost 15 years that I needed him now more than ever to be here for me, I couldn't handle anything else during this time, if he couldn't that it was ok I understood. He said he loved me no matter what. I first went through chemo, he was great! He shaved my head and told me how cute I looked while I sat there and balled like a baby. Being bald sucked! I felt everyone staring at me all the time, felt totally unattractive to him. Sex was hard because I felt so unattractive but we still did it every now and then. After chemo I had a double mastectomy and started reconstruction. He was taking great care of my incisions and bathing me, as I was horrified by it. One night I woke up in the middle of the night to find him on the Internet pleasuring himself to porn. It has never bothered me before until that moment. I flipped out on him, I told him it bothered me because he was looking at women with breast and I didn't have any. I told him when I am complete I doubt I will care. He said he was sorry and didn't know it would bother me, it was no big deal and he would never do it. 2 months later it happen again. I flipped out again!! He told me it was because he thought I would be uncomfortable doing it and didn't want to bother me with it. I begged him not to do this to me now, please respect my feelings and please just let me get through reconstruction. 2 months later again, this time he told me because I was staying in another room (germ freak) and wasn't readily available to him. I very soon moved back into the room with him. Everything seemed fine, but I had my doubts. It's been about 6 months and I just found a movie again. He said this time he bought it 6 months ago and only watched it once and thought he threw it away. We did have sex all during my treatments and after surgeries, not a whole lot but we did. I have now had enough, it has killed my self esteem more and more each time. Going through this has been the heardest thing ever and he is only making it harder! He said that the only reason any of my friends agree with me is because they don't want to upset me. I really don't think I asked for too much.  He barley watched during our years together, he really couldn't do without it for 6 months. Did I ask for too much? Isn't communication key?? Trust and honesty??