my sister has breast cancer

asha44

Hello everybody,

My sister called me last week,3 weeks after the mast,and told me about her illness.It was a blow .I have been nauseous since .She is 46.Doctors found two tumors, a large one and a small one , in one of her breast. larger tumor is Grade 2 and less than 5 and  smaller one  Grade 2-3 and less than 2 .  5/10 of removed nodes from same side armpit were positive.They say that she is M0 .the smaller tumor did locally metastasized to the skin of the same breast.Does anybody know what is the stage of her cancer?

cmbear

I am so sorry that you are going thru this and wish the best for your sister. I wish I could answer your question, and I know that staging is something that puts some definition on the diagnosis. But without all of her medical information, any one of us would be guessing. You are scared right now, but remember, she needs your positive support. Assuming you are her sister, I hope you are up to date on your mammo screeenings. (((((hugs))))))

asha44

Thanks claire.I am her brother,Reza,I live in Asia and she lives in Germany,and the irony is that I smoke and she got the disease. I am single 44 ,and she has a 3 years old boy.Know that it sounds stupid to most people ,but  I was the one who deserved it.The other problem that the family should solve is that how to tell mother,74 .She is so dependent,emotionally,to her children ,three sisters and I .I take care of her.First ,I thought that it was better not to tell her at all,but as a second thought I understood that I could not  predict the path of the disease.My mother is going to go to Germany this summer,unfortunately in the midst of chemo tx.Should we postpone her trip till the chemo is done and then tell her or  let her go and find out herself later?Or should we slowly tell her the facts now,though in a very very optimistic way ?or let my mother  know when she is with her in summer?I cannot decide,there is a variable in all that on which  I do not have control at all . Kiss you all .

GODISGOOD2012

asha44, my mother is 78 years old.  I would consider her emotionally dependent on my sisters and I especially since my father passed away.  To not tell your mom could be as devestating as telling her. My mom has been okay with the news about me and has been there every step of the way.  Six weeks after my mastectomies I had to have my ovaries removed.  My mom came and stayed with me for two weeks. I really believe this helped her to take care of me.  It is a personal decision for you to tell, but I thought I would share my experience.  Your sister may need her mom during this time as well. I will pray for your family!

Josiekat

Reza.

She is lucky to have a caring brother like you. She is probably stage 3c, like me. There is so much they can do for her. Have hope and faith and your sister is going to be ok. I think your mom will want yo know soon. You can't protect the ones you love from pain.

Good luck!

asha44

Josiekat and Sandi,

Thank you for your posts.You are right,I have no right to hide it from her, and also my sister needs her support .So ,as my sister wished for it ,we would wait for the early sessions of chemo in June to be done ,and see how my sister, Mahtab ,would  respond to the treatment .Then ,we will decide how and  when to tell our mother.I am angry with nature or God ,or whoever is running this mess,for the fact that good people suffer the most .But as usual, there is no answer, and it is a self-service world.Please please get well soon girls we need you. Thanks.

Reza

eyoregirl

Hi Reza,

I just found this board today. I am also 44 and my older sister (51) was recently diagnosed with breast cancer. She has 16 year old twins and I am single. I also felt like I should have gotten the cancer and not her. I am struggling with guilt feelings and also feel sick everytime I think of her. She has the personality of an angel. She is kind, loving, caring, sweet, considerate, compassionate and would do anything for anyone. In my 44 years, I have never heard her talk badly about anyone or even so much as fight with my mom. I am the opposite. This always bugged me growing up b/c we are so different and now I just feel sick to my stomach 24/7 that she is going through this and I hate myself for ever being mean to her. Anyway, it is not easy. She had a double masectomy and they found cancer in her lymph nodes, so now she is about to get the port and have chemo, radiation and hormone treatment. She is also going through breast reconstruction, so she currently has expanders in and I know they hurt her sometimes. She is sooo positive tho and anyone who talks to her about it will leave feeling better about themselves than when they started the discussion. 

I just wanted to let you know that what you are going through is normal. It's sooo very hard and the best you can do is take things a step at a time and try try again.  As far as your mom, that's a tough call, but I would probably tell my mom unless my sister asked me not to. That is a hard call.

Thinking about you and your sister and your family.