My mother.

MissAnon86

Hi everyone, I posted on here over a year ago when my Mum was diagnosed with DCIS.  She had a mastectomy and now has her regular checks and fingers crossed all is well.

I just wanted a little bit of advice really, it's getting me down when people are asking how my Mum is.  They may very well just be concerned, but over a year later after her having the all clear - why keep asking?  I don't mind close friends etc. but people who don't even KNOW my Mum personally but may have heard she was ill... ask me everytime I see them.  This is getting me down!  Maybe I should just be thankful people are being kind.  But I feel like they are waiting for me to say no she isn't well again.  Surely if I wanted to tell people my Mum was ill, I would.. no need to bring it up every single time??  I'm talking about clients at work, I'm a hairdresser and they come in every 6 weeks - so there is one or 2 who every 6 weeks asks the same question.. just upsets me as I don't really want to be reminded?

I'm sorry if I'm offending anyone, but I just want my Mum to be treated as a normal person?

It worries me sick the thought of my Mum getting ill again, so I sure enough do not need reminding of it by people who don't even know her and keep bringing it up everytime I see them.

 Just find it very draining.

LAstar

I was talking with a BC survivor recently who mentioned that, some time after her MX, it felt like everyone forgot that she'd had BC and no one asked about her anymore.  Maybe your mom would like to know that people are still thinking about her and hope for the best, but I can imagine that it would be exhausting for you to be reminded.  Can you just let them know that it's all over, life is back to normal, and you'll let them know if anything changes but for now no news is good news because it's hard for me to talk about it?  

lisagwa

MissAnon86- I totally get what you are saying. My husband and I were talking about something similar to this today. He wants to tell people/friends about my dx. meanwhile I don't want him to. I dont want people who I dont feel close with knowing my business. I don't want them to look at me differently or feel bad for me. I want to move on without their reminders. I don't know if my husband understands this. The women who are asking you most likely don't understand this either and dont mean anything by it. They haven't personally gone thu this and are oblivious. If it were me, I would reply "she is same and fine." Then I would turn the subject to them and simply say "how are you."



I "think" there is a thread on this board somewhere which speaks about how to address family and friends.