How My Thinking Has Changed Over the Past Two Yrs.

cinnamonsmiles

For anyone that has a major health crisis, things are emotional, stressfull, terrifying, and painful to say the least.

I think sometimes I forget that everyone has different levels of bad things that happen in their life that I know for myself, have never had happen, so just as I didn't "understand" cancer before I got it, I truly can't understand what they are going through.

So when I vent about others' troubles, whether it be miscarraiges, divorce,other health issues, whatever, I think I should try to understand their point of view instead of jumping the thought process and saying to myself, or others..."well, I just had this horrible thing happen.(inferring my situation is worse). What they are going through at the time is horrible for them. It may not be as bad as anything I have gone through, but would I want to have what they having going on? Surely, I don't.

I think everyone is entitled to their crap that happends in their lives. If they are truly disrespectful to me personally, that may be different. But just as I need to vent about my crap, they have the right to have the same emotions about what they are going through. Do I have the lot cornered on crap? No. But they have the right to talk about and vent what they are going through.

I realize that there is a fine line to this. But I am just thinking that everyone has their own crap they are going through. And at that moment in their life, it may be the worst thing THEY have ever gone through. I think I need to let them feel what they feel and vent just as I would like others to do for me. Just because I had cancer (and other serious health issues) does not mean I have the market cornered on physical and emotional pain, fear, stress, etc. Like I said, at that moment in their lives it is the BIGGEST, WORST thing that THEY have ever gone through and while I may think that my life is worse, who is it for me to judge them? That may be the worst thing they have gone through.

Maybe I need to have a little more compassion for those that are facing horrendous things themselves and not compare it to MY situation. Just because I have major health issues does not mean that I have the biggest probelms. Other health issues can be just as bad.Would I want someone to minimize my problems by someone who has more? No. But I would like them to be respectful to me just as I would expect of them.
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Moderators

Cinnamon, what a wonderful way to think. Nothing like trying to at least put yourself in someone elses shoes (or have them try on yours!) for some humility.

Thanks for posting

--The Mods

kiley56

Good post cinnamon, and very true.  Hope your doing well.  Take care,  Kiley

Anonymous

Cinnamon, I totally agree with that outlook. Everyone needs to have their feelings and concerns acknowledged, to be listened to. There's no need to compare our problems, evaluate their size, intensity, etc. On the flip side of things, I have heard someone with a serious health issue say that they shouldn't be complaining because it could be much worse, others are more unfortunate, etc. Bullcrap. What you feel is what you feel, and if it feels lousy, then that's the experience you are having. Just as it's helpful to have ways to positively cope with bad experiences, it is also helpful to allow oneself to feel the crappiness of the experience. And it's wonderful when you can flat out say to your friends, "I am feeling stressed and unhappy because I am dealing with X" and someone else can acknowledge the difficulty of your situation. To me, loving people means you share their joy AND their sadness, anxiety, etc.