Why was I stronger DURING treatment than I am now?

Timbuktu

My daughter in law is a psychiatrist and prescribes light boxes. She says they really help. I know I immediately feel better when I go outside, especially if it's sunny. She said they sold them at Costco. I think it might help.

mmtagirl

For those of you struggling with the lonnnng journey. I can relate. A year ago I had my BMX and at that time I thought I would have my exchange to implants in May, start tamoxifen and be done with it. Well, I was surprisingly node positive and in the gray zone for oncotype. I recall my mothers words of wisdom(she has been around this block a few times)...no matter what you think right now the process will take a year. Settle in and be ready for changes because they will happen. Sure enough, I ended up with chemo and still thought I was off the hook on rads. Even had my exchange scheduled from October. A few second and third opinions later and I finished rads in December. My exchange is now scheduled for May 2015-- a full year later than originally scheduled.

Yes, we learn agility and patience if nothing else. During treatment my motto was "one foot in front of the other" I focusedon the next step forward. Hugs to all that are struggling

Lily55

One of my new life ideas is to offer supported breaks in sunny Spain, accomm can be self catering or B&B or any kind of combo............prices will be keen as cancer folk get hit in the pocket, no need to hire a car as there is transport here at good prices with english speaking shuttle company.........at least I don´t have SAD to deal with........sunshine does help and this time of year it is beautiful here......................not ready to offer anything concrete yet but by end of February I hope to be able to give more details..................

Winter - hugs.........your ex sounds like a tool

Ginger48

If anyone is looking for a change in eating habits, you should check out the Whole 30. They have a book called It Starts With Food. Full of great information about how to reduce inflammation in your body and fix your unhealthy relationships with food/ cravings. I have lost 40 pounds, sleep better, have great energy, clear head, relieved my fibromyalgia pain, healthier skin and hair. All just by eating good food. I have never been hungry on it. Cuts out processed foods, grains, sugar, alcohol. Completely got rid of my sugar cravings.

Timbuktu

Thanks Ginger, congrats!

cfdr

For the first time since my diagnosis almost 4 years ago, I have worked a full-time week. In fact, not just full time...over 50 hours! This is a major milestone for me. Most of the 3 years since treatment ended it's been all I could do to work even half time.

I told my husband this just now, and he almost looked up from the junk mail he was reading to acknowledge me. I posted on facebook about it, and the next time he passed the room he shouted in a sarcastic comment. I guess I have to look elsewhere for people who give a shit.

Purl51

We give a shit. We give a shit big time!!!!

I am very happy for you cfdr. 50+ ? whoa. That deserves a massage or something special, right?

Tomboy

YaH!! Me Too! I give a shit! That's wesome! I haven't even worked a part time week yet...

Janet_M

cfdr - Your first full week in four years? MAJOR milestone! Congratulations.

In this wild rodeo know as cancer treatment there is not such thing as a tiny triumph. Every step forward is challenging, and every step forward is important. And doing a full week is a gigantic achievement. Don't let anyone make you think otherwise.

(Men can be such as*holes)

Janet

cfdr

The ironic thing is that for most of my adult life, people called me a workaholic because I worked so many hours (which was not unusual; I worked in high tech and media, the two top hour-sucking professions). Not that I want to get back to that, but just knowing that I even consider going back to full time work is a huge relief.

Then again, the fatigue has come and gone in waves. I've pronounced it done too many times to believe it won't be back for another round. But as long as the good spells get better and the bad ones get milder, that's progress.

I knew I could count on people here to understand the significance. And on facebook. And on the phone and in email. Pretty much everywhere but my own home.

Oh, well. You can't have everything. My husband is a prince of *doing*, he just hasn't figured out that *saying* is important sometimes, too.

Rabbit43

I give a shit, too! Congratulations, Cfdr. That is a huge accomplishment. Woo hoo!

Love and best wishes to all on this thread.

Rabbit

Timbuktu

This time my friend outdid herself. I'd complained before of stupid things she's said. Trying to talk me out of taking all of the chemo and arimidex pills because it hurt "my quality of life".

We were supposed to meet for lunch downtown tomorrow. She just wrote me to see how I was feeling. I had complained last week about all of the pains. She wrote "I don't want to have lunch with someone who is suffering." She suggested getting together after I see my onco next week, presumably because they will make me well?

It is so ridiculous. Any good comeback ideas? I told her that I was not "suffering" at the moment but I could not guarantee how I will feel tomorrow so let's just forget it. In the 3 l/2 years since my first cancer I have never had anyone talk to me this way. And now I'm wondering if she was pressuring me to get off of chemo and meds so we could have a nice lunch together?

2Tabbies

cfdr, congratulations on your new found energy. That is indeed a milestone. I'm sorry your husband doesn't seem to care. {{{Hugs}}}

Rabbit43

Geez, Timbuktu...that sounds like a toxic friend. I'm so sorry she is reacting that way. It strikes me as very selfish. At the heart of any true friendship is selflessness, so she probably is not what you need right now. Maybe you should tell her that you need to surround yourself with people who will be compassionate and who will build you up rather than make you feel badly about things over which you have no control. Even if she disagrees with your treatment choices, as a friend, she should support you.

Remember, hard times will always reveal true friends.

I wish I could have lunch with you.

Rabbit

Timbuktu

Aww, rabbit, I wish so too.

She's just weird, I'm trying not to take it personally but i thought people on here would understand.

She really is self centered in many ways. I was thinking of just telling her that I would call her when I

was sure that I would feel great ...ie

{never}. I actually do feel very strange, what if we did go out again and I got a pain? I would ruin her appetite?

Better not take a chance!

Purl51

"Everyone wants to ride with you in the limo, but what you need is someone who will take the bus with you when the limo breaks down"

Love this quote. Tim, I wish we could have a big group lunch as we really need people like "us" as lunch companions. It's hard when people in our lives react in a seemingly uncaring way. I was told that it's "their" issues that surface when they face emotions and pain that you are having. Experiences that they themselves are afraid to face.

I am striving to only surround myself with loving and supportive and basically non-annoying people. Sometimes I have weekends that I see a movie alone (which I love by the way) rather than be with someone that doesn't leave me feeling "heard" and cared about (in ALL my human emotions). Love to you Tim. Please dine with fine folks that say, "you are a true friend of mine". To this woman, I would say..."I'm glad that everyone doesn't feel like you do".

Love to you, Purl

Rabbit43

Love that quote about the limo and bus, Purl! So true

Rabbit

wintersocks

Hi All,

That's a wonderful quote Purl, indeed I might 'borrow' it!

Tim, she sounds horrid. I culled my negative girlfriends, actually before bc. So, glad I did that. I now only want to be around good, kind and compassionate friends, who like to laugh and have a drink too. Have now only three friends locally and on in London. They are the best!

I so wish we could all do lunch.

2Tabbies

Timbuktu, I'm not good with comebacks. I always think of them too late. But your "friend" sounds like a moron. I think I'd put that friendship on hold. I agree with Purl and Winter about the group of us going out for lunch. That would be so fun.

Purl, the limo and bus quote is great!

Lily55

me too please! So long as its veggie........

As for that friend i would just drop her, if she wants to meet you again, I would say no, sorry, I can never guarantee how I will be, and you seem to only want to meet me when I am in perfect form.......but thanks for all the fun in the past........

Timbuktu

Thanks guys, I knew you would understand. I like "I'm glad not everyone feels like you do", it's true too! I also like

"I can't guarantee I'll be in top form". I was thinking, she'd better find younger friends if she only wants healthy ones. She is 75 and I am 65!

I've gotten over it pretty much. People are just so flawed! Everyone but me! ;-)

Can't let them get you down. And you guys are like a buoy!

2Tabbies

Lily, make it veggie for me too!

Tim, glad to hear you're not wasting emotional energy on this friend.

Timbuktu

LOL, I'm going over it in my mind. She writes to me that she loves me and wants to see me as soon as possible.

My daughter said to let it go because she was suffering too...vertigo...no sleep. But maybe that let her be more honest. I don't want to see her. I don't want to ruin her day with my suffering and I can't guarantee that I won't be in some kind of pain because I am, pretty much every day, in some kind of pain. I don't want to have to pretend.

But, you know, it's always better to have a friend than an enemy. I think I will just tell her the truth, that I can't predict how I will feel on any given day and when I can, I'll call her!

Janet_M

Tim - Oh brother. I hate conditional friendships. If we were having lunch right now, ( you and I and all our imperfect warrior sisters), I'd say that It sounds as though your friend doesn't want to be reminded of her own weakness or mortality.

And after lunch we'd take a limo home - but if that did break down - I'd join you on the bus. (Such a great quote!)

PeggySull

Timbuktu,

I have found the best comebacks come in the form of a question. For example, asking her how she would feel if she had made very hard and very informed decisions and someone undermined her confidence by ...

It doesn't always work, but finding a question that feels comfortable and yet tells the other person how insensitive they are in the form of a question is easier for me than other forms of confrontation.

I agree with others here though. She needs to get away from you because of her toxicity.

Hugs,

Peggy

Timbuktu

I just remembered something really, really insensitive I said to a friend. Not this one, someone else.

It hurts my stomach to even think of it. I have to forget this slight in hopes that things I have said will be forgiven.

People (including myself) are just coming from their own pain, their own stupidity and guilt.

Now I'm wondering if I should apologize or just ignore it. I'm so embarrassed. And I was completely unaware.

Timbuktu

Thanks Bosum, I won't.

2Tabbies

Tim, we've all said things that we later regret. Part of being human, I think. It's also why I try not to get offended too easily. But there's a difference between taking offense and just not wanting to spend time with someone who is completely clueless.

Timbuktu

good point!

LiLi-RI

I agree with 2Tabbies