What we need to know...

Bernicky

I was a long time poster in the Stage IV forum until my wife Lynn died this past December. Since then I have generally avoided this board but come back now to offer a few ideas which can be taken for what they are worth

In some ways our family was not traditional and that especially applied to money. Lynn handled the money, did the taxes and generally managed anything to do with the family finances. When she got seriously ill in the last two years of her life my lack of financial knowledge didn't do us any favours and it is only now that I am even starting to get my footing in the world of money. If you are in the same boat please bring your husband/partner up to speed on where the money is, how to budget, what is owed, how to pay property tax (seriously I didn't know this). I could give Lynn lessons on how to do the groceries, where all the soccerfields, baseball fields and football fields are in western Quebec and which pharmacy would give us the best prices on prescriptions but on big picture stuff I was clueless.

 Healthcare - I managed Lynn's but Lynn managed the children's health. I had and still have no idea where the vaccination records are or even the name of their pediatrician. Also if there is someone we are supposed to deal with at work regarding coverage we really need to know who that is and anything you can tell us about how to talk to or deal with them.

Clothing - Our roles were frequently nontraditional but when it came to clothes shopping that was not so. Give us some clues as to what to do or how to shop/care for girls. I think my daughter would have rather died that go shopping for her first bras with me. Eventually I figured that out and had one of her friend's mothers handle the task. I still take her shopping for most other stuff but I have no idea where I am going or where she is taking me - all I know is that I think EVERYTHING is too tight or too short or too loose.

Funeral preplanning is not tempting fate - we are all going to need it I did my own a few weeks ago after going through the difficult process of making the arrangements for Lynn as she lay dying. It is not something I would wish on anyone.

Anyway I thought I would share that and hope that it helps, prods or otherwise starts a notion for anyone who might want to plan long term. In reality I should have known all this stuff long ago but we all know that life doesn't work out as neatly as it does in books and movies.

tninalabama

Thank you, Denis.

Cynthia1962

You are so right.  I'm amazed at what my hubby doesn't know because he hasn't had to.  He asked me the other day what time the kids get out of school.  I've begun writing down all the computer passwords in one place along with the due dates of our monthly bills since I pay most online.  I didn't even think about the pediatrician info, but he could get that info from my bff fortunately.  I have begun writing down what the kids like to eat so he can plan ahead and have that food in the house.  And, I laugh to imagine him buying clothes for my daughter.  I recently told him that if he plans to buy himself say socks, he should ask his son if he needs any, too.  It's going to be a long process, though.  Thanks for the reminder!!!  And, have you checked your wife's purse for the vaccination cards?  That's where I keep my kids' along with their insurance cards which have their dr's name on them.  Good luck!