Mom passed Sat. Where do I start with financial "to dos"?

maccupiccu

Hello,

My mom passed away Saturday and my dad is left alone. He's not Mr. Savvy with anything (which my mom worried) and refused to get the estate in order before she died. 

 So...where do I start to get things in order. I know there are banking issues, retirement, pension, Medicare, BCBS suppliment, etc. The funeral home is ordering 10 death certificates for me. I know I need to make sure beneficiaries are changed from her to myself (or my son who is 3) and my name on the savings and checkbook to help him with his bills. I know I'm supposed to take him to Social Security to get a $200 check. That's it. 

Any resources or advise on where to start and what I need to do (I guess I'll need her social and death certificate for everything). It's a mess.

Thanks. 

JoanQuilts

No advice, but just wanted to say I'm sorry.  I've been following your posts for some time now and hope that you can derive some measure of peace in the days, weeks and months ahead.

Kicks

Get in touch with an estate attorney ASAP before you do anything to find out what the laws are in your state. They are different in different states and with your Dad still alive that may limit what you can legally do. In most states your Dad is her4 next of kin so it may be totally up to him. If she died without a Will - anything may go to the State. The amount of money/property/assets can make a difference. How the names are on them.



I don't understand changing beneficiaries to you. If she wanted to change that then it needed to be done while she was still alive. If she had life insurance policies naming your Dad - it's his. If you're wanting to change on your Dad's accounts/policies then he has to do it.



When Mom died, I did take care of paying her bills that Daddy asked me to (I'd been on their accounts for years so just had to write the checks) and some of the paperwork. When Daddy died everything he owned had been put in his name and my name so I had 'right of suvivorship' to everything by our state's laws. Our family attorney suggested that as a secondary protection to go to court and have myself named Executor of his estate (Cost about $50).



To potentially save yourself from some problems seek legal council before you do much. There may be estate taxes due.



I am so sorry that your Mom is gone but she is in a better place now.

mrsnjband

Be sure that someone elses names are all property or bank accounts or insurance etc.  If your dad would pass without a will everything will go to probate court.

My mom passed a couple weeks ago and the lawyer forgot to notarize the will 12 years ago.  No one checked it because it was kept in a sealed envelope. He is retired but thankfully still lives there and was suppose to go in last Friday to verify his signature as a witness to the will.  It probably wouldn't make a big difference to my mom's estate as she had given me the house & had other names on checking accounts.

We got 10 death certificates and still have most of them.  Most places will make a copy and give you back the orginal.

I spent 2 day making phone calls, waiting on hold & running around town taking care of things for my mom. I think we got the major items taken care of.

Now to go through every thing in the house. That is going to be a huge task.

I'm sorry to hear you lost your mom.  My dad passed 13 years ago, so now I don't have any living parents. Sending love & prayers your way. NJ

Cynthia1962

I think she's talking about removing her mom as beneficiary on her dad's policies and adding herself which would be the logical step.  I have heard that funeral homes sometimes have "to do" lists for after a person dies.  I would ask them.  The internet is another good resource and probably has a lot of information.  I second the recommendation for an estate attorney if you father will agree.  Good luck and I hope everything goes smoothly for you.  In the end, though, remember that your dad is an adult and you can only do so much!  {{hugs}}

Wabbit

I am sorry that you have lost your Mom.

This is going to sound coldhearted ... but why do you feel obligated to take care of everything for your father?  Your previous comments made it clear that he is uncooperative and even abusive and was the one who refused to do anything to make things easier either on you or your Mom.  I'm afraid if you jump right in and try to do everything for him all you are going to get is the same abuse and lack of cooperation. 

Kicks is right.  Your Dad needs to see a lawyer and try to get things settled.  You can of course notify Social Security and/or any pensions and such of her death but beyond that it sounds to me like you are walking straight into a landmine. 

Best wishes and good luck with however you decide to handle it all.  (((hugs)))

Kicks

Her Dad has to make the changes to his policies - not her. Yes it would make sense to remove her Mom from them but it takes the owner of the policy to do it (or a court order).



Her Dad does not have to 'agree' for her to seek legal council. For her to take over/become Executor of the Estate he probalbly would have to agree unless she challenged him in Court. He can not stop her from seeking legal advice about her status in the estate.

Chickadee

I m in agreement that because your father is still alive you may have limited ability to do anything unless he is willing to give you power of attorney to act for him. Tread carefully or you'll find yourself in another nightmare.



As an example, my father in law was such a horrid man, he issued a restraining,order against my husband to force him out of his life after mom died. Long story, painful even today.

maccupiccu

Please do not misunderstand thinking I'm about money. My mom begged him to do estate planning. He thought it was morbid so he wouldn't. Even Monday when she was "with it" and signing her DNR  and power of attny to me she was on him about getting this stuff in order so it's not a mess. He told her "oh you'll be here for anohter 2 years". He procrastinates and avoids.

I could care less if I'm on it, but I don't think it's right for them to work hard and for it to go to the State. Even with probate, don't even care. But I don't want things to get screwed up and all of their work went for nothing. Give it to my son for all I care. 

 Thank you for the tred carefully advice. I will. I was always way better at dealing with him than my mom. I'll lawyer up to get this in order.

Kicks

When your Mom signed the POA did you take her to a Notary Public or have one come to the house to notarized her signature? If you didn't - it is worthless.



I don't understand why you would say that you'll "lawyer up". You are not resposible for any of your Mom's bills and she no longer has any needs -so? There are laws that cover dealing with estates and that would be your Dad's responsibility rather or not he does what you want him to do.

Chickadee

Consult an atty. At this point you have no legal authority to alter anything unless your father agrees to cede POA to you. Notarized POA. Even then he can limit your powers. I hope he will find some way to trust you even a little.

Wabbit

And even with a valid POA he still has the power to make your life miserable while you are trying to take care of things he should be doing himself.  Please think about whether you want to continue being twisted into knots as you have been over your Mom's illness before you take on all his monkeys.

I hope maybe he is not really as abusive as he came off as being while your Mom was sick,.  But if he is you might need to back away so you don't become his new punching bag. 

I do think seeing an attorney might be a good idea though.  Lay it all out to the attorney exactly as it is and see what he/she advises. 

jenniferjones440

I' m so sorry to here about your mother. Losing someone is never easy. since there has been no work done towords estate planning. I would recommend that contacting someone with professional experience. My husband's family was in a similar situation last year and the attorney they hired helped ease the process for everyone involved.

Charitylake

To handle your dad's financial or medical affairs you would need to be his named and enacted legal power of attorney -------- something he hopefully did when he was feeling better.  And your responsibility is to handle your dad's affairs only as he himself would have wished and wanted done. I am very sorry for your loss and all the responsibilities that are now coming to you.  Yes, seeing an attorney might be good ------ try word of mouth with friends and acquaintances, so that you get a good, ethical, user-friendly person. Otherwise, updating his stuff and changing things is a somewhat slippery slope. Take Care and good luck.

If someone dies without a valid will or trust in their legal state of residence, then in some jurisdictions the person is said to have died "intestate" and estate matters are delegated by legal statues for "intestate succession". Which of course obviously usually goes to the spouse.  Once your mother passes, normally that is it as regards any POA in which she named you. Intestate does not mean everything goes to the state ----- usually it would go to support the surviving spouse and to pay inheritance taxes.

Charitylake

alexandria58

Hi.  I'm an attorney and I do some trust and estates.  A few remarks - just be aware that I practice in New Jersey and the law in every state is different. What I am saying is valid in NJ only.

An attorney is absolutely necessary.  A few things you can do.  Does your mother have a will?  If so, find it, even if it's old, it would be valid. If not, anything that is in her name will go through intestacy - which generally means that the spouse and children split her property.  Make a list of what was in your mother's name.

Probate doesn't mean that the state gets the property - it's just a process through which title to all the property is changed. The state only takes the property if there are no heirs and no will.

There's also the issue of estate taxes - federal is usually not a problem these days because right now, there is no federal tax up to 3 million   = state, depends on the state and the size of the estate.  For computing estate taxes, they will look at joint accounts.

Your mother's POA died with her, regardless of whether it was notarized or not

Check whether the funeral home notified Social security and Medicare.  Sometimes they do, sometimes not. They do need to be notified,and they will come after anything paid out after your mom's death.

Good luck.