Single Mom by Choice to a 3 year old daughter

seattle85

I have Stage IV Metastatic Breast cancer that was diagnosed when she was 18 months old.  She is 3 years old now.  I haven't talk to her about the cancer since I don't know where to start.  So I'm am on this journey with just me and my daughter and it is hard and scary.  I can't find anyone who can relate or understand since it is a unique situation.  Sometimes I just feel overwhelmed but if anyone has experience something similar or have any words of widsom, that would be great.

mssunshine71

I don't have stage IV, but I just had surgery and don't know my final dx as of yet. (biopsy showed dcis)  I do, however have a 4 year old daughter and I am single as well. So far I have only told her that I had surgery so now I have an owwie for a bit and can't pick her up until it's better.  That is all I feel she needs to know at this point and all she can really comprehend at this age.

I can't imagine what you are going through right now but know you have someone to lean on if you need it. ((Hugs)) 

lostinmo

seattle, I have no words of wisdom for you sorry.  But my heart goes out to you and your daughter. Wish there was something more I could do. ((hugs)) to you both.

jessica749

Single mom here. My dc is 7 and he has no knowledge of my bc dx from last year. Much has happened since then, I've learned of genetic mutation and must undergo additional surgery and am still at risk for several other cancers....none of this discussed. How can a 7 yr old get it?

Of course I can understand why you haven't spoken to your dc about any of this because it is so not something  that she can understand at age 3.  Are you somewhere for treatment where they have social workers? someone you can speak to about your situation? Do you have family nearby? It is very difficult to deal with what you are dealing with, and to also always have the patience and energy for parenting. Heck, it's hard in the best of circumstances to always have the patience and energy for parenting...

I recently read a book from the library by a woman who survived 18 years with stage 4 bc.  You've heard of her perhaps, katherine Russell Rich.   This can be you.  One does not know.  I'm sending you my positive thoughts...

mckenna

I do not have stage 4 Bc but I am a single mom by choice. My kids are 7 & 11. They know about my diagnosis and treatment. They are older than your daughter so there is more they can understand. My family has been great but it is unusual with no paternal side of the family for them. Is there a gildas club in your area? We also have bc support groups in the area where kids meet together while mom's meet in another area.

mssunshine71

seattle85 - How are things going for you?  My dx has changed a few times since last post and have had 2 rounds of chemo so far.  I have been telling my 4 year old little bits as we go as there is no hiding the physical changes and changes in her daily routine.  

This is a tougher road than I expected.  I hope you are coping well.  If you ever want to chat or vent pm me anytime  

singlemom1

hi Seattle 85,

I know u posted awhile ago but I just saw It amd knew i had to respond. First let me say how very sorry i am for what you are going through.I was diagnosed with breast cancer when my daughter was five. I am also a single mother by choice. I did not have any family to help me and also had a very difficult time with the chemo. I totally understand the feelings of being alone in dealing with this horrible disease. I did not have stage four so I don't want to presume that I understand completely what this has been like for you. However, I do understand the single mother by choice situation and how overwhelming and difficult this can be. i would like to help you if i could.If u need to talk to someone who has some understanding how very difficult this is without a husband or ex husband or any paternal family, I am here. You are in my thoughts and prayers.

beatrice00

I am also a single mother by choice of a 3-year old and a 5-year old. My kids don't know anything, they are too young. You or anyone else in our situation can pm me anytime.