25 yr old

SadeSurvivor25

I'm 25 years old and I just had my breast removed exactly 2 weeks ago. I'm going Thursday to have my port put it. I'm not sure which type of chemo I have to have but I was told that no one is "exempt" from their hair falling out. I've barely been married 6months and now my husband has to not only deal with me not having any breasts but also no hair. I'm aware that it's temporary (which is what he keeps telling me) He has been helpful and very supportive. I just do not know how to deal with the fact that in a few weeks I'm going to be going bald. I know that I am blessed and I'm very grateful because I could have been diagnosed with something worse. I'm just wondering am I the only one feeling this way.

MiniMacsMom

No, your not.  A lot of women mourn their hair.  And honestly my hubby told me everything would be fine and he would still love me and think I was beautiful   After I had my MX and lost my hair, he told me that he had been scare about it, but that he really did think I was still beautiful!  Its hard for the hubbys they want to be supportive, but they also grieve and have their own set of caregiver issues.  Trust your hubby, and have a great support network in place for both of you.  Make sure he still gets out to do man things from time to time and most of all talk to each other.  This sucks no matter how you do it but their are tons of great hubby's out there.  Hugs!

Lauralove

Hi Sade,

I feel you because I'm going through the same thing. I start my first round of chemo on Tuesday of next week and as I've never gone through this before, I'm obviously scared. But really not afraid of losing my hair, as it will grow back, but more afraid of any side effects that may come about. My hubby has also been very supportive and as MiniMac mentioned, they too get scared but of course won't admit it. Still at the end of the day it's not about what anyone else may think of you, it's about getting through this hump in your life and waving goodbye to it and leaving it behind, along with your present hair. You WILL grow your hair again and it will be beautiful and luxurious. You can have reconstructive surgery for your breast and well, I guess what I'm trying to say is that everything has a solution. Just keep positive and stay in prayer. I'm sending youand Minimac love and light and praying that God shines his love upon you all and give you peace during this storm that too, shall pass. Love you all.

momof3boys

I just finished chemo and lost my hair. There is a product called cold caps. I think it's Penguin Cold Caps that some of the ladies in the December chemo thread used to keep their hair and they were successdul. Put LeesaAnn in the search box. She can give you more info.

kathleen1966

Oh sade,  losing your hair is not easy, and probably one of the worst parts of the treatment.  Because then we LOOK sick and there is no hiding what is happening. Still you are very young (and yes, this sucks and is not fair...at all) and to me, ALL young people are beautiful. Although losing the hair is horrible, it is also liberating in a way. You have no choice but to realize it is only hair and that you are more than the hair on your head. And it seems you have a nice warm husband who will tell you this often. And you will need to hear it.  Unfortunately, you may be in for another adjustment when it comes back in different.  Mine came back very curly.  I have been told it goes back to the way it was before chemo with time.  I like the curly, but it's just not my hair...I have known a lot of young women who go natural during chemo. I always admired them. I couldn't do it, but then I am not 25!  I am sorry that you are going through this soooo young. You should not have to worry about losing hair at this age, when your hair is in its prime.

lrr4993

Sade - you are not the only person who felt that way.  I too was most concerned about the hair loss.  It seems trivial in the scheme of things, but it isn't.  It is an outward, public sign that you have cancer.  It completely sucks.

Several posters have given you great advice about being more than your hair and enjoying the liberating feeling of the hair loss.  I am not in any way disparaging that advice.  Many women do "own it" and get through it just fine.  I hope you will be one of those women.

I wish I had been one of those, but I was not.  So, I wanted to offer some quick, alternative advice in case, like me, you are questioning whether you can handle the hair loss.  Personally, I thought I looked completely horrid without hair.  There was nothing beautiful about it to me.  I invested in a very expensive but gorgeous wig that I loved.  It was my hair, but better.  Most people never knew I had a wig on (except the few who knew what was going on).  I got tons of complements from strangers on my hair.  I felt pretty which made it so much easier to get through treatment.  Now, of course, you husband will necessarily see you without your hair, but you can keep a normal appearance in public if you want.  I truly do not believe I would have made it through tx without my wig.  It kept my life normal in a time that was anything but normal.  Around the house, I wore bandanas/scarfs to keep the bald at least somewhat obscured.  The only time my head was not covered was while sleeping and showering.

Again, I applaud those who are able to go in public without hair.  I am sure it is far easier that way.  But if you can't, that is okay and with some careful wig shopping, you can keep your appearance intact for the most part.

Good luck!  If you need a recommendation on a wig, PM me.

puce

Hi,

I mourned my hair too.  What helped me was to cut my hair half it's lengh and then buzz it off to one inch (after 1st chemo) and when it started to come out it wasn't so bad.  I already looked like a skunk...(jet black hair with some white in the middle!).  Well, I looked great bald.  I enjoyed getting scalp massages and the shower on my head (although it's a little tender at first).  I got a nice wig. Got it half lenght to match my first hair cut.  They do great wigs now.  When I first lost my hair, I would comb the wig.  It was soothing.  I also enjoyed combing my daughter's hair.  I'm 39 so I'm older, but I can assure you that I am more beautiful now than I was before!  Beauty comes from inside and I am more beautiful inside then I ever was.The wig was a little bit hot and uncomfortable but most people said I had such a wonderful hair cut and that I looked younger.  No one ever guessed I had cancer!!!  I went to a wig shop and the lady just knew what wig I needed, she was an angel in disguise.  Bring someone with you, maybe your maid of honor, and make it a girls day out.  Have a nice lunch and have fun with it (I know, how could I say that).  I only wore my wig outside the house.  Get some comfy hats too.  Joann fabrics has some bandanas for about 2$ too.

I wish you all the best.  It sucks but your beauty is not in your hair or your breast!!!

SadeSurvivor25

Thanks ladies. Reading your comments brought tears to my eyes. It's good to know that I am not alone. I do not think I'll be the liberated type and embrace my baldness but I commend those of you who do. I'm more like Irr. I plan to cut my hair really short next week and go wig shopping. I don't think I'll be able to look at myself in the mirror if I didn't. I'm not even sure that I will even want my husband to see me without any hair. I know he loves me because of me but my appearance did play a part in it. I feel like I'm broken/damaged. I know my hair will grow back and I can have reconstructive surgery but in the time leading up to then I'm feeling like he shouldn't have to see his wife like this.

kim40

For me, loosing my hair was tough.  I could disguise the lost of my breast, but not my hair.  For me it was devastating.  I either wore a scraf or a wig and my husband and son never seen me bald.  I felt that if they did, they wouldn't feel the same for me.  It wasn't because I was vain, it was because I was scared.  If I had to do it over again, I would probably react the same way.  But if was to happen again in the future, I would do it differently.  I wouldn't hide behind the reality.  I would be more bolder to let everyone know that this is me, this happened to me.

SadeSurvivor25

Kim that's how I'm feeling now. My hair falling out would make me look sickly. When I found out I had to have my breast removed I was sad but got over it because I've always wanted to get them smaller but the thought of my hair coming out is taking a bigger toll on me than I thought.

sakura73

Sade, my boyfriend positively LIKED my bald head. I was never reconciled to it, and just avoided looking in the mirror, but 3 years later he still says that he found my bald head sexy. So maybe your husband will be the same!

At first I didn't let anyone see me, but by the end of of chemo I was going bald to the gym and it was fine. I grew into feeling comfortable with it. 

I found that when my hair fell out I didn't look sick, but about halfway through chemo when my brows and lashes went, I did look much sicker then. Find a good eyebrow pencil, and use mascara on whatever one or two lashes you have, and know that everything WILL grow back as thick and beautiful as before.

MiniMacsMom

I have found this video blog to be very helpful for the eyebrows and lashes! http://eyelineher.blogspot.com/ (I don't know how to make a link active you might have to copy and paste) She does a great job explaining things and showing you how to do it.  I have been doing here eyebrows for about a week now and they look good!  Also, with the eyebrows, the fridge freezer tip is great. 

Even without my brows and lashes I don't really have a sickly complextion.  Granted I do have acne from the chemo and premeds (yuck) BUT I still have natural color in my cheeks.    There is TONS of other great advice on here if you need more help

mdg

I am sorry you have to join the BC group.  I just wanted to let you know you will get through it.  I could not deal with the hair loss because my son was only 4 last year when I was diagnosed.  I did use the Penguin Cold Caps and am very happy I did.  I looked completely normal through all of chemo and kept my hair.   Just wanted to let you know there is an option but it may not be for everyone.  As far as feeling unattractive - I felt the same way after my BMX but with reconstruction now I look really good - better than I imagined.  My husband loves the new breasts too...I went bigger than I was before.  Despite all the stuff I have gone through, he made me feel attractive and desireable through it all.  Don't underestimate your husband's love.  Hugs to you and best of luck in this journey.  Just remember a year from now it will be so much better. 

Also I have info about cold caps on my blog if it is something you want to explore. 

SadeSurvivor25

Thanks everyone. I did a little research on cold caps but they seem super expensive. I also have a young child (2 year old daughter). She seems to know that something is wrong with mommy. She's not as affectionate towards me as she was before the surgery. It's really hard because I have to practically beg for kisses and hugs now. She's always asking what's wrong and I try to explain it to her the best way I can.

Mini thanks for site!

Moderators

Sade, there's a section on the main Breastcancer.org site called Hair, Skin, and Nails that's packed with information about all those subjects. Follow the links down the left side of that page to learn more about coping with hair loss, skin care, and lots of tips about everything from how to make your own wig stand, getting insurance cover your wig, and valuable resources you can use.

With your husband, friends and relatives, and the community here all supporting you, you'll never need to feel you're on your own through this. 

.

Jodycat

I don't for a second want to dismiss the trauma of losing one's hair, which I didn't because i did 't have chemo Still, sitting in the rads waiting room at MDA, I truly thought of the amazing fairly bald women as specially beautiful. I don't think I am somehow insightful. Instead, I think there is a real beauty in the human head which cames through once one has lost/put aside all the very many cosmetic things we do.



I'm serious enough about this to be looking at the possibility of doing a pbs show about it. My university has a pbs license.



At the same time, i know I'd feel differently if I had lost my hair. But, honestly, that's because I worry I wouldn't be as beautiful.



Yikes! A moment of truth.

Hattie

my seven year old told me she would no longer kiss me when i was bald!  but i pointed out how she kissed her bald uncle, and she said, yes no problem mom!  she took good care of me, altho i made sure to still be the mommy and be in charge taking care of her as much as possible.

so much to deal with but you can go thru this.  and it is tough, no doubt about that.  after this, my husband and i were more bonded than ever. no doubts about each other after going thru this together.   

you can do this, and this is a good place to let your feelings out.  husbands like to fix things, often, and  they can't fix this.  hope he has support, and you too here and elsewhere.

take care,

hattie 

karen1956

Sade....my thoughts are with you....I'm more than twice your age and my hair was always a part of my identity....I bought a wig but didn't like it as it was not "me"...it was different than my hair...I did wear the wig a handfull of times, then just wore ball caps which I much preferred.....I cut my hair twice before it fell out...my hair was long...first cut it into a chin length bob, then short boy cut and the next day it started to fall out....On the good side, it started growing back soon after my last chemo.....it was fun watching it come back in...And being bald was easy to take care of...I went through chemo from this time of year into the summer so didn't have to worry about a cold head!!!!  A lot of gals have fun with the wigs....and some are so cute...so hoping you find one you like...Wishing you an easy time with chemo....and hugs to you.....keep us posted on how you are doing.....and glad you found this great place....

Anonymous

Sade, I was dx and began chemo at 26. When my hair started coming out I was on shock, even though I expected it to happen. I coped by having my mom, son, and husband carefully trim it so it could be donated. I had my last chemo yucky chemo 12/6. My hair is coming in very thick. It's just like it was before. My eyelashes and eyebrows are back too. I still remember how excited the hubs was when he noticed the fullness.

The breast is hard to deal with too. I had the left taken last July and the right this past January. It definately took some adjustment. My husband never acted phased by it. He was actually deployed when I was diagnosed and for the first mastectomy.

Chemo and radiation will wear you out and make you see yourself in a whole new way. About 2 weeks after radiation I started to get my energy level back and started to feel like me again.

I'm sorry you have to be here, but know you are among the best people around.

SadeSurvivor25

How long after starting chemo did your eyebrows and lashes start to fall out? I'm starting chemo on Thursday and I'm planning to cut my in a couple of days. I also plan to get a wig too. They keep assuring me that my hair is gonna fall out.

kathleen1966

My hair fell out at week three after chemo.  My eyebrows didn't fall off until almost the end of chemo.  I never lost my eyelashes during chemo. They fell out about three weeks AFTER I finished chemo. Then they grew back and fell out again. I think maybe trying to put mascara on them was causing them to fall out. It was the hardest when I had no brows and no eyelashes. I don't really have the type of face where painting on eyebrows works, I would have looked like Divine.  It took a good while for the hair on my head to grow back.  About five months until I felt I had enough hair to not wear a hat.

sakura73

I had 6 months of chemo and my eyelashes started going by the end of the AC  half and were all gone by mid way through Taxol. They grew back fast though.

Letlet

Sade, my eyebrows and eyelashes actually fell off bit by bit in the weeks that I finished chemo. I had AC and Taxol. I did experience SOME little tiny fuzz on top of my scalp on Taxol..

SadeSurvivor25

Thx ladies. I can't sleep. Up thinking about my first round of chemo.

cconner

Hi Sade,

Im also pretty young at 28. I remember at my first appointment with my oncologist when he told me about the chemo I was going to receive and when he said hair loss, I was devastated, I didn't hear anything else the doctor had to say.  I was told that it usually takes 3 weeks when my hair would start falling out with the chemo I would receive. A week after the treatment, I cut my hair which was down to my bottom, shoulder length.I thought I was ahead of the game and I'd have a few weeks to enjoy my new short hair. But just a few days later, my hair started falling out. My boyfriend had told me he wasn't worried about it, though I was. My hair was part of who I was and he used to tell me that I should never cut my hair. Well, now it was beyond my control, not only did I have to cut it, I would lose it all. I got away with keeping my hair in a small pony for a few days until it turned into 1 big dread. I went to a salon recommended by my oncology nurse where they gave wigs to cancer patients for a reasonable price. The stylist showed my boyfriend and I a few wigs and once I chose one, the stylist looked at my hair and told me that it was time. I was beside myself as he covered me, pumped the chair up and started cutting my hair. I was bawling in that chair all the way until the wig was done being styled. My boyfriend was extremely supportive and told me I looked great without hair. He even helped to fix some spots the stylist missed when we got home. It took me 4 days to even look in the mirror without my head covered. Today, I've been without hair for about a month now and I must say, it's pretty great. I don't even wear my wig much, just a bandana. I've come to the conclusion that chemo makes our hair fall outso we dont have to bother with shaving or styling. My 2 year old doesn't even think much of it. I thought being so young would make it more difficult to be bald, but after the initial shock, I've learned to embrace it.Good luck to you.

MiniMacsMom

Sade, I think it depends on your chemo.  I had weekly taxol followed by FAC with almost no eyebrow and eyelash loss until about a week after the second FAC.  I still have some eyelashes, but the brows are pretty sparse   We are thinking about you!  I listed to the chemo nurse give the chemo talk to another patient this week who was on taxotere first.  She said to treat your hair very gently,  no brushing, wash it as little as possible and you can hang on to your hair longer.  I think AC and FAC are much harder on hair.  Big hugs!

SKD

Hi Sade,

I was also 25 when diagnosed with breast cancer and just married (8 months prior).

My husband shaved my head for me when it started falling out, I told him this was his only chance to give me a hair cut. He cut it all cute first (although it was lopsided) and then we shaved it off. It was super emotional but I am so glad he was the one doing it. I couldn't watch and we laughed and cried. I just kept reminding myself that it does grow back. I got an awesome wig before it fell out and you couldn't even tell the difference!! I wore it all the time because I was scared to go out topless and I didn't want people to feel sorry for me. I lost my hair right before summer and I haVe to admit it was nice sleeping with no hair, it really cooled me down! And I could do my hair in record time!! I could shower and be out the door with a nice hairdo in 20 mins! It's been a year and a half post chemo and my hair is down to my shoulders already. I remember being in your position 2 years ago and thinking my hair would never grow back and now that Its grown back, it is healthier than ever. I also thought it was the hardest part of chemo! Good luck with everything!

christina0001

Hi Sade. I'm 32 and DH and I had been married for 2 months when I was diagnosed. It's been hard, but I am so glad to have him by my side, he has been wonderful.

I swore that he would never see me bald...until I started having chemo-induced hot flashes. Not fun.

I have been wearing a halo hairpiece and hats at work, and scarves at home. Was wearing my hairpiece at home but the scarves are much more comfortable. Definitely wearing more makeup these days too.

I had my hair buzzed super short about 2 weeks after I started chemo, and started wearing hairpieces at that time. The hair really started falling out about 21 days into treatment. I am now halfway through and I have very sparse stubble. Still have my eyebrows and lashes. Seems like a lot of ladies start losing theirs anywhere from 2/3 of the way through treatment to at the very end. I give mine a daily pep talk, for whatever that's worth.

I will also caution you (no one told me) that chemo can have sexual side effects. No one warned me about that. This has also made me feel awful, although DH has been wonderful about this too.

SadeSurvivor25

Thanks ladies. I'm still trying to adjust to my new lifestyle. I had my first round Thursday and I've been me feeling sick ever since. I wish I could turn back time...maybe I could have done something different to prevent this. I pray these next 6 months fly by.

comingtoterms

Oh, Sade, I am soooooo sorry you have to go through this. My heart aches for you. Please get onto the "young women with breast cancer" thread. They can help you in a special way that only others in your age group can. A couple of things to note: I started my chemo right about now, three years ago. Losing your hair at this time of the year is "do-able", yet certainly heart-wrenching. What I did, which may seem ridiculous to others, was get a beautiful haircut about a month before I knew I would lose my hair. I took pictures of it, as a sort of, reminder of who I was. I didn't cut my hair before the loss. But when large clumps of it started falling out around the house, it virtually broke my heart. It was such a tangible reminder of what was happening to my body. I found that more upsetting than shaving it all off. When I did finally shave it, I kept it in a bag, put it in my plastic bin filled with "cancer stuff" and held on to it until I was ready to let it go. I never wore wigs, preferring colorful bandanas instead. You can buy every color of the rainbow at places like Walmart. Then, for occassions when a bandana wasn't appropriate, I bought a couple of cute hats. The American Cancer Society gives free wigs to women with breast cancer. Gilda's has makeup days where you gather with other women and get tips on how to "give yourself eyebrows" and how to use mascara on eyelashes that don't really even exist! All the makeup is free and it is a great way to meet other women in the same boat. None of this changes the fact that you have cancer. But they are the little things that can help to maintain your sanity, when you often feel like your world has turned upside down. It has. It will be difficult. Take hold of your friends. Allow those whom you didn't realize were your friends to step up. I still am constantly amazed by the outpouring of love and support that magically appeared. I send you white, healing light, love and strength. Namaste. Tammy

shadow2356

I did the Penguin Cold Caps and saved my hair. It was great for me because I needed to be in control of something. I think my total was under $1000. I hear you need less caps now. Give them a call and check. The company is very informative.

There is a thread on BC.org all about the caps. Check it out. Everyone who has used them has had success in saving their hair.