Fuming!!!

bexybexy

Hi there

I post on these boards at time I am from the UK, 35 and my background is had Diep flap after being diagnosed with DCIS last year. I am recovering okay and back to work now. I sent my story to a womens' magazine and they published it last week. It is quite a trashy mag on the whole so was pleased that they put this in. The headline they put was "what a boob!" which was quite tongue in cheek and I talked about how I am getting my nipple tattooed on in a few months and stuff about the operation. Brought the magazine in recently to show my colleagues ( I am a special needs assistant in a secondary school). Everyone was saying how great it was etc been on a real high about it.

Anyway today my boss sidled up to me and sat next to me in the staff room and the first thing she said was "I hear you have been in a magazine." She went on to say "Have you not thought of the implications this could have if kids find out. They could be horrible to you and say stuff like how's your nipple" I told her I was thick skinned and that chances are many kids wouldn't read those type of magazines, but if they did it wasn't an issue as far as I was concerned as it is a health article about an important topic. Thing is her tone was negative, she almost seemed dare I say it pissed off at me for doing it! I am absolutely furious!!! It is not as if I sold a story about me running off with my neighbour, or about my secret life as a hooker or something - I could understand if a person working in a school had some kind of seedy, saucy story in a magazine that yes that could impact their job. How on earth should this be something I am made to feel ashamed of!!! The article will help many people reading it particularly as they mentioned my age - many younger women reading it may realise actually maybe I ought to check my breasts as it was my husband that found the lump. This can only do good, and if any child was nasty about it I would ensure they are dealt with as that would be completely unacceptable!!!

Really put me on a downer today and almost felt like leaving my job! What is worse is the way she said "I've heard you have been in a magazine" so someone one of my colleagues must of been bitching about it to her, why would anyone be so negative about a story like this?? Really cannot understand human nature! I should be free to tell my story to anyone I like this has in part been my coping mechanism through it all! Sorry to vent lol just had to! xxx

pupmom

Seems like the same people who have fits about women breastfeeding in public. BREASTS, oh no!!!! Don't show or mention those "things!"

AmyIsStrong

Ok hold on a second. First of all, congratulations on the article.

Second, the boss sounds like a crab. BUT it doesn't mean that your coworker 'bitched' to her about it. The co-worker could have said (very excitedly), "Hey did you hear? Bexy's been in a magazine!" and THEN the boss took it all negatively. I really don't want you to start looking at your coworkers with suspicions about who complained to the boss b/c it's quite likely nobody did it that way. You even wrote (above) that your colleagues all thought it was great.

So let's contain the damage here to the boss alone, not all your colleagues. That right away makes it more bearable (I hope).

Bosses are paid to worry about implications. They look at things differently than we do. I'm NOT sticking up for her at all. I think an article about a MEDICAL situation is completely different than one about running off with the neighbor or those other things you mentioned. But she didn't see it that way and started looking at it through HER eyes, what if this causes a problem here at work, etc. etc etc. 

I think your answer to her was perfect and hopefully that ends the whole thing, as far as the boss is concerned.

I REALLY want to encourage you not to let this pop your balloon. You spoke out for yourself (in the magazine) and told your story. Hopefully it will encourage other women to be proactive about their health.  GOOD FOR YOU!

And if the boss doesn't get it, well.......&*$^%^#(@ on her!

Sending a hug across the pond to you!

Amy 

ihatemyboobs

Congrats on the article!!! IMO there will always be "haters." Plain and simple.

Wrongchick

 Your post makes me want to hop on a plane, march in to your boss' office and flash her my chest.   In terms of your boss and whomever else has their panties in a bunch, all  I can say is: Some folks are just very weird about breasts.  They can't get past the sex part of them and so everything is about the dirty thoughts, if you know what I mean.  I feel so sorry for them in a way, because their minds (and their sex lives) must be  very limited indeed.

 Don't be sorry about venting, as your message will bring you lots of much-deserved and needed support.  Writing about BC is important, for all the reasons you stated and a bunch more I don't have time to list.     I hope you don't leave your job, because it sounds like your humor, courage and honesty are a real gift to the kids you see each day. 

kaza

Hi, unless you have been on our journey, people have not got a clue to the emotions, how we have to deal with trying to get on with life. It was very positive to raise awareness in that magazine, young women do get breast cancer and really this could actually save someones life. Dont quit your job how dare they make you feel this way. Keep your head high you do not deserve this, bringing awareness to breast cancer in this way could actually make them more check themselves on a regular basis, they may get ill one day. People make me sick us sisters have to deal with so much and dont need crap like this!!!!!! sending you hugsxxxxx 

bexybexy

Hey everyone

Sorry I hadn't come back to look sooner at the replies but thankyou so much for your words of encouragment!!!! I guess this is the first time I have encountered negativity in my journey so it just shocked me and all of you are right some people have many hang-ups to do with breasts and bodies etc... She hasn't mentioned it again so I am wondering if maybe she regrets it now. I think it would be ridiculous if she brought it up again and if she did I would be going down the route of an official complaint. I will stay in my job and just felt so angry that day but nothing is worth me quitting my job!!

It is funny as I am in the UK and people here can be real prudes and yet in our national newspaper The Sun on page 3 every day is a topless woman! Human nature is a strange thing lol!!! I found it funny when people reacted so nastily when Janet Jackson had that wardrobe malfunction and her nipple slipped yet looking at music videos these days they practically have it all out on display!!

xxxxxxxx

exbrnxgrl

Congrats on the article. Breasts are body parts and although the have a sexual purpose , I think society has gone too far in over sexualizing them and forgetting their real purpose. I hope she realizes this soon. Caryn

bexybexy

Thankyou Caryn I do too, and maybe she does hence her lack of saying anything else about it. I think young girls in schools should all be shown how to check their breasts I was guilty of never checking mine and thankfully hubby found my lump. If he hadn't who knows what would of happened! xx

Shrek4

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Gingerbrew

For everyone pointing a finger at you, there will be two pointing back at them!   Your co workers will stand for you. I would and do.

GInger

bexybexy

Day - you are exactly right it had nothing to do with her. It had my true name but not where I worked but even if it had I still don't know what her problem was! I work in a school, and putting myself in the shoes of a parent - if I read an article about a member of staff at my childs' school who had overcome breast cancer I would be just full or admiration and think "good on her!" anyone would think I was pictures in bondage with a whip talking about my secret profession as a call girl pmsl!!!  And thankyou Gingerbrew everyone was behind me and to be honest all shocked when I told them, most of them were embarassed for her!

CoolBreeze

I work in a high school too, as the principal's secretary, and you would be shocked at the things parents complain about.  Completely shocked.  

It's very likely that your "boss" (was it the principal or your supervising teacher?) knows some parents who won't take it well and was warning you.   So many parents are overprotective these days, that the word "boob" can set them off.  Trust me, people can make big deals over nothing these days and maybe that has already happened this year and the principal is warning you.

As long as you are not breaking any confidentiality, at least in the US, you would have the same first amendment rights as anybody else does. I can't imagine it's different in the UK, so, don't spend another second worrying about this and congratulations on your publication.

irish22

I'm with CoolBreeze, blow it off and be proud of yourself. I feel like breast cancer is almost taboo, like we should be ashamed we got cancer in a part that is typically assosiated with sex. Regardless the story is out and more then llikely nothing bad will come from it as it should be. Congrats on getting published!

bexybexy

Exactly you are both so right!!! If a parent had complained believe me I would of taken it further as it does go against my rights! I had ammunition too as one of my colleagues a year ago appeared on a daytime talk show (the UK version of Jerry Springer) and was not reprimanded for it! This was for him to sit and argue with his ex over child care and was done in a very primitive and classless way! My article was about health. I think the fact she hasn't mentioned it again speaks volumes maybe she has realised she is out of line. The good thing is having breast cancer seems to have stirred up my fighting spirit lol and was almost disappointed she didn't take it further! My mum is like me lol and the two of us were ready to fight back!!!