Any April/May 2012 rad girls out there?

Cindyl

Argh.  I feel really rotten today.  Lay down for 1/2 nap yesterday afternoon.  Slept for 5 hours.  Got up for a couple hours.  Back to bed for 8 hours and still didn't want to get up. 

Joanne_53

Cindyl - you were obviously exhausted and needed it --- your body was telling you something --- hope you are feeling better today.

Michbunny - sleeping -- I go through stages -- I was away for the weekend and didn't sleep well at all and so looking forward to my bed and I slept like crap -- could not get settled at all -- hopefully tonight --- I have the eye mask and that helps sometimes because it blocks out any light and fools you to keep your eyes closed.

Elaine2Tervs

I start today. Got measured and tatooed last Friday. 30 total rads with 5 boosts. Here we go!

Sandyland

MOT ~ Believe it or not, my aloe w/ lidocane brand is Hawaiian Tropic.

I don't know what is going on with me.  I am a person with a very strong faith and a very solid fortitude.  I did well through surgery and chemo, but right now ~ near the end of rads ~ I feel like I am crashing and burning.  I have spent 2 days crying, which is very out of charachter for me.  It's like I feel depression trying to take over.

FLislander

Sandy

Sorry to hear you are feeling down, this whole weekend for me was emotional too, can't seem to get out of a funk. I'm either sad or mad, not good options. Hope you get to feeling better, I know my friends will be happy when I get to feeling better too. I was a sourpus this weekend... I guess we have to go through all the emotions to get back up again. All my best, Cindy

linnyhopp

Sorry to hear some of you are feeling down.  I think the burden of all this treatment and the time it takes is very hard on each of us.  I know that as I approach the end of radiation (10 more to go), I am getting nervous about the fact that I will only be having Herceptin until October.  I have this feeling that if I am not "doing treatment" I will definitely have a recurrence and it scares me.  It seems like I have been so busy with trying to do all I can to get rid of this rotten disease and in a few months, when I finish Herceptin, there will be nothing to go and do daily or tri-weekly.  Anyone feel the same way?  I try to keep these thoughts away since I know I have done all I can do at this point, but my sub-conscious sometimes gets the best of me.  Hoping you are all feeling better by the time you read this.

Andimom03

I can relate to so much of this. You hear all along that chemo is harder, radiation is a breeze, etc. Much of that is true, but each has its own issues. We put SO much effort into getting through chemo, and at least for me, this is the more emotional part of the journey. So much energy already expended, and now it's supposed to be easy and I'm still finding parts of it hard. Maybe it's just letting down a bit, or the vulnerability of laying there being treated. I don't know...we can play headgames all over the place. Wherever we are, this is NOT an easy journey. So glad to have a safe place to vent. I am strong in faith too, Sandy, and know that I have so much to be thankful for. I still cry the whole way home from rads some days. And at other random times. For no reason...I just let myself and usually feel better for it.

Hang in there. It is so much to work through.

Andi 

bethm

I too spent half the weekend weepy, which is so out of character for me. I think we try to be strong for ourselves and our loved ones that we sometimes forget what we are going thru. its ok to be weepy-we deserve it

akmom

I'm feeling the same, just finding it hard to keep cheerful and wanting to break down and cry for no reason. I think it's like linnyhopp said. Now that all my treatment is done, I'm deep down thinking that if my body let this happen once it can do it again so easily. Afraid that sneaky cells are growing on the other side and worried that follow-up won't be enough.

When first diagnosed I was full of good intentions about improving my diet and getting more exercise. Now I seem to be in a "what's the use, it will come anyway" mood, which I know is a bad attitude! Any hints for kick-starting some new healthy habits?

Joanne_53

akmom - first I will say I have no idea about the healthy eating -- my diagnosis basically gave me permission to eat anything I want which is not right but that is what has happened so ... kick start or kick my ass .... that is what I need to do.

As for teary or emotional - this has been one hell of a fight for all of us -- many have been through more than me -- you have every right to be teary, grumpy, tired and emotional - this is the biggest fight of your life and it has taken so much energy to get this far -- most of us have put on happy faces for everyone whether we felt like it or not ... now it is time to realize we can't keep it up .... it is ok.   I actually am going to miss going to radiation -- 25 days is a long time and those ladies have been wonderful!

Joanne_53

One more to go -- tomorrow is my last rads !!!!  I am taking in little party whistles so the techs can blow them for me......

I have some raw spots under my breast and using polysporin.  I will see my RO in 6 weeks unless this doesn't heal and then will see him sooner.  They are making me an appointment for a mammogram in 6 months ....

My appointments are starting to get spaced out !!!!   YEAH!!!!

linnyhopp

Joanne ~ After they come and kick your ass for eating, send them over to me cause I need a kick or jump start, too!  I make a vow to start "being good" every day and then the notion that finally things taste better after chemo comes over me and I find myself eating whatever.  Don't want to gain back the weight I lost during chemo...it was a hard way to get rid of it!  Let me know if you find the secret to eating better, OK?  Am going to ask the RO about polysporin as a preventative measure tomorrow.  Glad you have more freedom from appointments now!

San, Andi, Beth & Akmom ~ Just waiting for the crying/sad part to hit me next.  Yikes, this is such a roller coaster of emotions.  Hope you are all feeling happier today!  Hugs to all of you.

Califgirl12

HI Girls

I read all your reports today about weepiness....it hit me too, today. I am trying so hard not to breakdown. I turned up my IPod and listened to some good music as I marched my butt to the Hospital today. I have to say it worked. I tuned out my negative thoughts and drowned it with some really good music from the 80's. Feeling better now at the end of the day. Hoping we have a better tomorrow.



19 down 16 to go.

Anonymous

Had my first boost today- when they were done I went and looked in the mirror to see the area they are treating. My whole friggen boob, right into my pit- all the areas that were already raw and peeling.. I held back tears till I got in the car, hubby was asking what is wrong and I could not speak. WTH happened to me, I just lost it. Just 7 more, but I know this will be rough.

Joanne_53

Lory -- hold on there -- 7 more and you can do it -- and if you have to cry after each one -- that is ok too -- almost there ....

fredntan

I broke down at work today. My emotions got the best of me. I am a nurse and now its like I feel too much. I have been back to work maybe four times now. I think I am going to put my resignation in.



I know that i probably shouldnt make such a desicion now. But I dont think I can do it. It seems to be taking too much out of me emotionally. I want to just focus on me right now. My job now is to exercise and eat healthy.

My arm/TE hurts too. I hope this tightness gets better



I just dont think I can take the pressure of my job anymore. My husband is fully behind me resigning. He said he never expected me to go back. I want ti enjoy my summer. We do biopsies and ports in my dept, it just feels too personal right now. I think i jeed more time off.

akmom

Feeling for you, Lory. Lots of {{{hugs}}}.

akmom

Califgirl, great suggestion about listening to music, it does help! Thanks for the reminder.

Joanne_53

I think that this just shows how much this wears on everyone ---- take time for yourself !!! I had my surgery in January and I have not been back to work yet -- thankfully I have wonderful sick benefits and I am healing myself physically and emotionally before I return -- this is a huge fight.  Once I go back there is no turning back so need to know I am strong ...

Please take care of yourselves -- try and get rest -- listen to music -- meditate-- yoga -- be well.

Joanne_53

I think that this just shows how much this wears on everyone ---- take time for yourself !!! I had my surgery in January and I have not been back to work yet -- thankfully I have wonderful sick benefits and I am healing myself physically and emotionally before I return -- this is a huge fight.  Once I go back there is no turning back so need to know I am strong ...

Please take care of yourselves -- try and get rest -- listen to music -- meditate-- yoga -- be well.

Andimom03

Linnyhopp, I will say that my tears are random and sudden. Not constant and I have a lot of joy in my life. Just some moments that I all of a sudden get overwhelmed! I listen to music the whole way into treatment, and whatever is last on my ipod is what is stuck in my head during treatment, so I make sure it is fun or encouraging or something! It helps...I can see my chest reflected in the machine as it moves over me, and I don't like it, so I keep my eyes closed and sing to myself. It goes fast. It's the quiet times that I settle and feel the weight of this. Usually, my attitude is good and I have had so many people encourage me about that. This part is more emotional than chemo for me, though.

 Sleep well. I am just beginning to feel a little 'burned', but not a lot of actual red yet. Swelling is still there...sure hope the implants feel better than these monstrosities!

Love hearing all the goods and bads here.  You are all wonderful women and I am thankful for each and every one who contributes...

Andi 

LovesDogs

Joanne_53

Tomorrow is my last treatment too! (28 total).  It seemed like forever when I started, but now it's over! 

To all of you ladies who are struggling with completing radiation, just know that "it too will pass", just like the surgery, and chemo did.  You can go forward knowing you've done everything you can to fight the cancer. 

I know you will all make it through this!   

LovesDogs

Andimon03 -

I was also more emotional at the beginning of radiation even though most people said this was the "easy" part.  I was tired of doing treatments, and was resentful that I needed radiation too.  I really resisted mentally and emotionally.  Once I was able to stop the negative thinking and accept this, it was much easier.  I also had a list of affirmations that I would repeat as I drove to my appointment which helped alot.

To all of you ladies who are feeling sad and weepy, I think you are absolutely entitled to feel this. You have been through alot!  I think if you allow yourself to really feel these emotions fully, they will subside quicker.  

 I have also had some problems with sleep - mostly because of hot flashes.  I've noticed I'm usually more emotional the day following a bad night's sleep. . .

LovesDogs

Elaine2Tervs:

I hope all goes well.

We'll be here for you.

LovesDogs

Califgirl12:

I try to eat healthy - lean meats, vegetables, fruits, nuts etc. and not too much processed foods (believe me, I'm far from perfect on this).  I also take alot of vitamins and supplements.  I'm not sure if my energy has been steady because of diet or because I've maintained my exercise regimen, or because I believed I was NOT going to have fatigue (mind over matter).  I am grateful for feeling well through this phase of treatment.

I know you need more protein than usual to heal from radiation.  Do you eat other sources of protein other than red meat? 

MOT

LovesDogs -- Have been trying to watch my diet also -- trying to avoid desserts and sugars, of course not always possible.  Energy has been good though I have only completed 14 rads of 30.  Have been having some financial issues (surprise surprise) and that has given me more stress than the rads so far.

I think this week/weekend has been a tough one for everyone for some reason....is it something atmospheric? I got bad financial news and now I have to power through and "fix" alot of things. Seems we are all teary and feeling down. But I know meditation, and the belief in the law of attraction works in strange ways so that is helping me through (change your focus!) I can see that my attitude is good even with the bad news and rads.... I am just working to stay balanced and positive. I am so busy at work I don't have time to consider rads or finances.

Arm, especially armpit, feeling more stiff and sore by the end of the day, though in the shower in the morning I still have good/normal shoulder range of motion.

Congrats to those finishing in the next day or so.....I hope you celebrate in knowing you did everything you could to treat yourself. despite the inconvenience, discomfort, pain, fatigue, and disfigurement.

fredntan

I googled breast cancer retreats and a bunch of stuff came up. None nearme but i think we could all use a retreat. I am going to stick tomy plan of going to yogaville(southwesten va) its really cheap.



Healing thoughts to all

Dizzy215

LovesDogs: I like that you have a positive attitude. I really think that helps.  I am starting rads today and have increased my protein intake by having protein shakes daily, egg white omelettes for breakfast etc. I am determined to keep exercising - I really think it will help to stave off the fatigue.  I hate it when people tell me that I'm going to be very tired & won't be able to do my normal stuff!!   

Cindyl

Dizzy215  You'll be able to do your normal stuff.  Just not as much of it!  I think it's really important to keep doing those things that are important & fun.  But you may find, (I certainly have) that you want to let some of the less important, less rewarding stuff go.  I've been letting other members of the household take the lead on some of the stuff that I'm just too beat to do... if they don't get done?  Well they must be able to wait.  I've been working full time (important to my mental health) and I spend some time with my Mom (she's an invalid) and I spend some time playing with my dogs. I've had some home help come in to do more with Mom and had them doing some of the housework that I usually do. 

linnyhopp

Andimom ~ So funny that you mentioned seeing the reflection of your chest in the machine.  I see that, too, and it kind of creeps me out to know how much radiation is being pumped into that area!  I just try to think of the treatment attacking any stray cells and be positive about it.  It isn't easy some days for sure!

Dizzy ~ I have to say that I have had 20 treatments and am still doing my normal stuff and way more than I did during chemo, including working every day again.  I will admit that I am tired by the weekend and do sleep more then, but really I think we are all individuals  and I wish people wouldn't make generalizations especially when they aren't the ones going through the treatments.  I will think positive thoughts that you will do well during rads.

I am kind of bummed cause our machine was down today and I couldn't do my treatment.  I want this over!  The RO said it may even be a few days before the machine is fixed.  If it's longer than that we will all have to be remeasured and have to use the other machine.  I hope that doesn't happen as that will delay treatment finishing by a week or more and we may even have to have early morning (I am not a morning person) or late in the day appointments.  Oh well, that's life I guess.