Sister Decide to Stop Chemo

mzsumthing

My sister has decided to stop chemo! I am so afraid.  

She was first diagnosed in 2007, with 2 year remission. She has been undergoing several chemo regimes over the last 2 years. 15 months ago, she had mets to her breast, lungs, liver, and bones. Recently, mets only to liver (2.9 cm as of last scans) along with developing stomach ascities.  I have supported my sister through this entire ordeal.

She went to obtain a 2^nd opinion from John Hopkins back in January 2012. The doctor told my sister she should be thankful considering most triple negative patients w/mets survival is 18-24 months. Basically, she should concentrate on her quality of life because the toxicity of the chemo will overcome her if not the cancer itself. Her time was almost up!

I was not in attendance with my sister on this particular visit. My older sister and two of her friends were in attendance. However, I made a call to this doctor and it was not pretty. My sister communicated the outcome of the consultation to her regular oncologist. He was aware of the doctor she saw and basically told her.... "we're going to prove her wrong". Three weeks ago we believe she caught this nasty virus that has been going on around in northern VA area. She was hospitalize for (4) days being given antibiotics and fluids. She has been extremely fatigued and refused to undergo any additional chemo since being released.   

Her oncologist informed us he has to respect her choice. He wanted us to know there are still a number of options available if she changes her mind. He will continue to monitor her health and will continue to want to see her bi-weekly. He still wanted to perform scans (my sister refused). However, we were able to talk her into having the scans in 3 weeks. My sister responded well to Taxotere. After three treatments it rid cancer from her breast, lungs, chest wall, and significant decrease of disease from liver and bones, but tanked her WBC for 11 weeks. She switched oncologist after this because her oncologist (at that time) refused to put her back on Taxotere.

Her current oncologist wanted to try low dose Abraxane. He wanted to make sure her WBC did not tank. He told my sister it was important to get her back on chemo since she liver mets had progressed (5.9 cm) and he did not want to return to Taxotere at this moment. She responded for about 4 months and he switched her to Eribulin. Last scans, liver mets decreased to 2.9 cm.  She is basically ignoring these results. After that visit to John Hopkins and hospital stay... there seems to be no more fight in her.

We cannot bring anything up about chemo any longer. My older sister is telling me to let it go and accept her choice.  It is not our battle, but her and God's battle. We have to support her decision! I am overwhelmed with worry.

leggo

I can imagine how worried you are, especially since there has been some improvement. Between the virus and the low WBC, she must be feeling awful. It's a very personal choice about how much more someone is willing to endure. On the plus side, the oncologist has mentioned that there are still a number of options to consider. There's no reason she can't still change her mind somewhere down the road...maybe she will feel better in a few days and gain a new perspective, maybe not. Ultimately, we all know when we've had enough and it is her choice. I am very sorry that your sister is having such a hard time.

angelsister

Hi mzsumthing it breaks my heart to read your post, I feel your pain. It is so so difficult to hear that your sister wants to stop treatment because the thought of losing her is just unbearable. I know. I just wanted to say that you must support her in this. I too supported my sister through this horrible disease and only after she passed did I come close to understanding what she had endured. She had written in her diary for almost three years. I read about her chemo and side effects and her fear at times and joy at others. What I'd not expected was just how often she described her pain, fatigue and feeling so low. I talked to her most days but I really hadn't understood what she went through. Once she had started hospice care she felt better for a short while and seemed to find peace. It seemed to me that she some how knew that it was time to stop and she needed more than anything, to know that we understood her decision and supported her. I agree wirh gracie that your sister may change her mind and as her onc feels that there are still options is reassuring. Its not possible for us to grasp how it must feel to want to stop, to rest and find a peaceful, painfree place. I know its so hard. Tell her you love her, that you support her and that you'll be there all the way with her. Then make the most of every second you have together. Laugh, listen to music, look at photo's and kiss her. .a lot! You know if she picks up and wants to do another treatment then great. If she doesn't I wish her peace and you and your family strength to support her. Very best wishes. Please feel free to send pm if you don't want to post publicly xx steph

mzsumthing

Thank you all for your kind responses. My sister is home with me at the moment. She lives a distance away from her oncologists and medical facility. We all made the decision that it is in her and our best interest for her not to return home.

My sister returned for another short hospital stay after being released a couple of weeks ago complaining of pain. The oncologist believes she may have developed a dependency on the pain meds. My nephew brought this to our attention a couple of weeks ago. However, we told him .... she needs the meds to manage the pain.

I personally believe she has lost the will to fight. She told us when the time comes, keep her drugged and let her go. She did not want to know what was occuring around her. We have made arrangements for pallative care to come in for an evaluation, etc. In addition, we place calls to her case manager at insurance company to request home health aid. 

My siblings and I have jobs that allow us flexibility to work from home. We will all be taking turns working remote from my home during the day. This will allow one of us to be with her (and Mom) during the day. She was not happy when she found out about home health aid. She told us all, "I have too many family members to care for me instead of you bringing in a stranger to care for me. She told us we did not have anything going on in our lives, but to care for her". We all (including her) got a laugh out of that!  

I am feeling better this week about her decision. I am going to continue to support my siser. I love her deeply and there is no other place God will have me at the moment. I am really thankful for your responses and will periodically check back in on her condition. Thank you all.