depressed

kal21

 How do we get through this? One friend 52 first stage died in Oct because it reoccured 5years in.. One at work ( 54) stage one till 1 year later(now) spread and had stroke and just a matter of time.

Another sister of friend.. 70 years.. 4th stage and not good.

It is everywhere! Why don't they fine a cure.. I have read a lot on this.

thefuzzylemon

Oh sweetie ... you know we do what we have to do.  There isn't anything that strikes us in the heart (and in the head) quite like the suffering and passing of a sister.  I hope that your friends and co wokers have had a life on this earth that was purposeful and fulfilling...leaving a legacy behind that will not fade any time soon. 

Just me...but I refuse to read....I do not look at "numbers"....I couldn't tell you what my actual diagnosis is and I am ok with that.  I was set to have BRACA testing, but refused it when they said they wouldn't "keep the findings away from me." 

Why don't they find a cure?  We're not playing with something that wants to give up its secrets.  Messing with mother nature has a price...what I mean by that is:  don't want mosquitos/put on Deet.  Want your hair to stay in one place/put on hair spray.  Want meater livestock/give them hormones ... it just goes on soooooo far that, short of living like cavemen ... we do what we have to do.

One step at a time, ok?

dlb823

(((kal21))) ~ I think we all go through periods like you're describing.  I had one a few weeks ago when someone close to me was dx'd with a recurrence after 10 years, and a neighbor's best friend, who was dx'd the same time I was, also had a metastatic recurrence.  It's absolutely devastating when those things happen.  But I think once we're finished with tx, all we can do is focus on the things we know have been proven to give us as much risk reduction as possible -- things like eating healthful, nutrient-rich foods and getting some serious exercise.  Personally, I also try to spread the word as much as I can about needing to fund real research over awareness.  Beyond that, I've decided that if I give in to constantly worrying about a recurrence, then I'm squandering today worrying about something that might never happen.  And if it does happen, then I will have wasted all those precious days and years before it did.

We can't help but be upset about what seems like an epidemic of bc and research that doesn't seem to have any tangible causes or cures just yet.  But I have seen some very positive research recently, and I think we have to focus on those breakthroughs and pray that there will be more soon.  

So I think it's perfectly normal to feel sad for a little while when you hear about things like you mentioned.  But don't let them occupy your thoughts to the point that they rob you of your joy. Find something positive to do for bc or for another cause, so that you won't continue to be a victim.    

Hope this makes sense...   Deanna

JoanQuilts

"Personally I also try to spread the word as much as I can about needing to fund real research over awareness.  Beyond that, I've decided that if I give in to constantly worrying about a recurrence, then I'm squandering today worrying about something that might never happen."

So beautifully put and so true!  19 years ago, when I had my first breast cancer diagnosis at a very young age, I was given a good prognosis, but I was curled up into a little ball in the corner with the agony of fear.  My best friend said to me that she fully expected me to be okay, and hated the thought that I would lose all those good years worrying about what might never happen.  Fast forward 19 years and it DID happen again - a new primary - but also a very, very tiny Stage 1 tumor, with another good prognosis and I hope to NOT lose the NEXT 20 years worrying about it.  My friend was right - I  am glad I did not lose all those years to fear.  Some women DO recur - but most with your stats DON'T.  Try to surround yourself with good stories.  Some days I just can't read here for the fear and those are the days I stay away.  Good luck to you - we're all behind you.  Joan

kal21

 Thanks you guys.I had a good cry and now you are right, I need to live NOW and not waste time with worry. Thanks

dlb823

kal, remember, it's a process.  You can't go from bc patient mode to life is happy again mode overnight.  It probably took me close to 2 years, and I'm still working on it.  So be patient with yourself!  A few things that have helped me are (1) walking for exercise and a time to process what I'd been through; (2) weekend getaways to change the scene and be around new people who didn't now about my bc, to get me out of the bc rut; and (3) a book entitled, Back To Life -- Getting Past Your Past with Resilience, Strength, and Optimism, by Alicia Salzer, M.D.  The other thing that helped tremendously was getting all of my tx behind me.  If you're still in tx, getting those last, touch up surgeries, for example, can be very emotionally freeing.   (((Hugs))) ~ and know it will get better with time.     Deanna

dunesleeper

When I go to the chat room everyone is so upbeat and it seems like I am depressed and worried for nothing. When I tell people, they can nearly always tell about someone who has survived a long time after having breast cancer. However, I don't feel positive. And on the discussion boards I see a lot of people don't make it. I've had anxiety and depression since 1979 and have even tried to kill myself. Now that I have matured (ha!) I made a committment to myself that I would not kill myself as long as my mother is alive. It would hurt her too much to have to bury her "child." (I'm 54.) Well, looks like the joke is on me. And my poor mother still gets screwed. I haven't liked life for a very long time, and I am definitely not liking it now. It's going to screw me over. I just know it. I need to keep working so that my mom can get the life insurance. I can't leave her with nothing but this piece of crap ghetto house. But if I'm dying, then I don't want to go to work. Cancer sucks. Pink sucks. Life sucks.

Layla2525

I totally understand dunesleeper, I feel so guilty cuz I should be happy. They got all the IDC out,my nodes were clear but I started Arimidex and of course since I thought I might have cancer in Nov,my GP suggested go off my bio identical hormones so now starting my 5th mth without hormones, I cant remember things, I am getting paranoid,I cry everytime I look in the mirror at the train wreck on my chest,I was so jumpy last night I felt like I had panic,anxiety and PMS all rolled into one. If they dont put me on Xanax or something, I am gonna just scream. The Arimidex is giving me bouts of hot flashes and I live in FL so not happy. I cant wear a bikini to work cuz i work in an office but I feel hot all the time and nervous. Maybe my appt with the cancer psychologist I can get a referral to a psychiatrist who can prescribe something. I cant just cry and scream all the time like I want to do and hold down a 10 hr a day job.  You are not really gonna die with stage 2 IDC,they do chemo and rads and stuff,even ladies with stage 4 are surviving. Wish theyd hurry up and perfect and pass out that effin cancer vaccine tho so people could stop worrying about dying. But I am feeling it sister....b4 the surg I kept thinkg, good lord they shoot horses and cows dont they,why dont they just shoot me and put me outta my misery!!

kal21

  There is to since to who lives or dies.I  had friend with stage one that 5 years later dies.. others live and it never returns. She was one that was a health nut.. I could never image killing myself.I love life!! You really need to get some help soon.I am so greatful to be here.

Anonymous

Joan:  You are amazing. You inspire me and I'm not in a good place right now.  Had a friend not even make it 5 yrs. out and is dealing with mets to the bone.  Now on injections - probably for the rest of her life and only 40 yrs. old.  A reliable, fail-safe treatment and/or cure cannot come fast enough !!  If women at Stage 0 or 1 are recurring, what chance do any of the latter stage have?  Sorry to be a downer -- just don't see a lot of success stories and I read A LOT !