Unsupportive Husband

identtwins

I had an unsupportive husband since diagnosis of my bc 1020/2010.  At first he fell apart, stating I was the good one he's the one who has been evil.  This should not have happened to me.  Told me this will be the best Christmas ever!!!!   That didn't last for more than 2 weeks.  See he was mad at me because before diagnosis of breast cancer I lost 50 lbs (on purpose).  Was going to have a tummy tuck and breast augmentation to help them lift up a little.  My husband was very against that.  I told him it was for me.  To make myself feel better.  During the mammo they found the cancer.  He left me a year later.   My divorce was final 7/2/2012.  I have had problems with my reconstruction.  infection, PICC line and 3 weeks ago just lost one of the reconstructed breasts.   I am extremely depressed.  Basically alone,  I have children they don't understand or seem not to care.  My ex texted me last night from his vaca biking trip and asked how I was.  He still comes over to visit me.  Before divorce he kept telling me he wanted the divorce so we could start over and build a new relationship.  I know I went a little nuts after I was diagnosised.  I checked his phone, questioned him all the time.  Got upset over him looking at porn.    \

  As I was sitting in my bed last night knitting a scarf.  Knitting scarf and hat sets for children and few causal friends at work.  Thinking I need to get this done.  I have plenty of insurance money.  But I don't want to leave this world until I am completely reconstructed.  I look like a freak.  I've tried consulting.  I think I need someone to talk to.   Any suggestions sisters???????????

Infobabe

 identtwins

I was wondering if you have a support group anywhere near where you live.  You might meet new friends who will understand.  Maybe you could form a new household, if it seemed a good idea.  

I just think it is so sad we rely so much on men to validate our worth.  When they are ill, we don't desert them.   Maybe you can see a counselor who can help you see the light at the end of the tunnel.  You are worth so much more than a selfish man and ungrateful children. 

Beckers

Identtwins,



I feel for you. I feel like my marriage is headed in this direction. I am dreading it. I wonder if you should try antidepressants and counseling. I was able to get counseling through the cancer center. They also have a support group but I haven't tried that yet. My husband is going back to our home in Oklahoma in 2 weeks. I have to stay in Calif for my job so I can keep the medical benefits going. I don't want him to leave, but he's happy to be going back. Wow. In the beginning he cried when I was diagnosed. It's hard when it unravels before you and you don't feel like you can stop it. I hope you talk to your doctor and get some help. Things will look up. I don't know when but they say it does. Hang in there.

evergreen9

I agree with the support group suggestion. The most recent one I went to had two women with issues of non-supportive husbands. The group showed much empathy, reached out with social invitations, and made many suggestions. It seems important that these two women got reinforcement that they needed and should expect better from their partners.

Good luck to you...my heart is sad for your having this double burden.

ang7894

Ever since my diagnoses my husband and I argue all the time and it's the most stupid things never have we acted like this before. We have been together for 20 years. I cry alot I am afraid we are heading for divorce. Just last night I asked him what happened to us and he said I don't know Asked him what are we going to do and he said I have no answers. I am so lost and feel so alone.

CoolBreeze

My husband is not a tea maker either but he does everything I ask him to do.  I just don't think men think in that way.  They are the hunters, they go out and very quietly shoot the beast and drag it back; we clean it and prepare it and we go walking with our girlfriends to find the berries to go with it, etc.  

I just think way too many women expect our husbands to be our girlfriends. They aren't.  I think if you say, "Honey, will you make me a cup of tea" and he does, then you are way ahead of the game.  Mine does everything I ask him to do and he's happy to do it.  I can't complain because he doesn't know what I want him to do without saying it.

Sometimes, it's all about how you look at things.   Good luck to you and your relationship!

PSU222

I need friends.   I feel so alone.  My husband moved out after 30 plus years of marriage.  I was schocked!!  Woke up one morning and he said he was leaving and he did!  I am devastated, we have been through hell and back.  It seems as though after the crash and burn we always fall apart.  Way to much cancer in our family....  Child, mother and now me.   He is at his breaking point, but so am I.  I am seeing a counseler weekly and I wish  he would.  My attorney says he has no integrity and lack of  character.  I was hurt by that because that is not the man that I knew.  Please help, I love him and just think he is at his breaking point!!  I know I am.........Off treatment and lots of chemo errors along the way.  We are destroyed and so broken.