Colleague insists on going back to work.

Bossperson

A month ago my 33 year old departmental deputy came to me to tell me she had breast cancer - 2 lumps needed radiation therapy and then lumpectomies. I wanted and want to give her as much support as possible, but this has been difficult. The ONLY two people she has told or wants to tell is me and my line-manager. No one else in the office is to know, from the MD to HR to her departmental colleagues. We have to respect this right to privacy. Worse though she has only told one person outside work, her ex-boyfriend and he is now away travelling. Her mother and aunt both died from breast cancer 2 and 3 years ago, she is estranged from her father, she lives alone, outside the city, in the house she moved to to look after her mother. Despite feeling awful through radiation therapy she worked right up until the eve of the op. she had the op and texted afterwards to say it went well. But later it transpired there were complications - 2 ribs were broken, 1 tumour was deeper than they thought, there was extensive bleeding. This was 10 days ago. Since then she has been in excruciating pain, has barely eaten, and as of this morning, 10 days after the op, she had to have a nurse out to give an emergency painkilling injection. My boss and i went to visit her a number of times and she was in visible pain. Yet - she came back to work today. She looked dreadful, and I'm so worried for her. Me and my boss have told her numerous times that she should rest further, that there's nothing to worry about, that if she REALLY wants we can send her stuff to work from home, but her coping method seems to be pure bloody minded stubbornness. Its an office job, but there's a busy train commute and 120 people in the office who know nothing of her illness and will expect her to be at meetings, lunches, presentations etc. She said today that her wound was infected. Is there anything I can do to force her to stay at home? Anyone with stories or advice? Thank you.

cinnamonsmiles

I live in WI. I have worked at a  place where someone was so sick that the bosses sent them home.

With all those complications and an infection, I would think adding anymore stress could delay her healing. I have seen a counselor who specializes in pain management, which I think is similar to other illnesses. He told me that not enough good regular sleep, stress, and overdoing it can hamper my ability to function at my best.

I have to ease myself into doing more and adding a little bit of activity at a time.

AnnNYC

But doesn't HR already know whether she took any paid time off?  It strikes me as a little odd (although it must speak well to her relationship with you and your line-manager) that she would tell you and not speak with HR!  I mean, this sounds like a large company, and given the potential for complications with any surgery, it seems one would speak with HR first about how much sick time one has banked, at what point one is switched to short-term disability pay, and when to invoke one's right to use the Family Medical Leave Act (FMLA) if one should end up needing more time off for this condition.  I'm really surprised she wouldn't have done this (I certainly did, at my job -- but then I felt more protected by HR than by my immediate boss).

The reason I'm going on about this, is that you said her position is that "HR is not to know."  Before I saw that, I was going to advise you to ask HR how to deal with an employee too ill to come to work!

CoolBreeze

You are going to have to look into labor laws to figure out what to do.  You can't descriminate against her because she has cancer but I know you want the best for her health.  Maybe she'll come to realize that she has to take care of herself on her own after a few days. Just keep letting her know you support her.  

Did she take FMLA?  Is she worried about money?

Did she get a doctor's release to come back?  I know when I was out on leave I couldn't come back without a doctor telling me I could, so maybe that is something you can legally request.  No doctor is going to let her come back to work with an infection, I wouldn't think.

I'd research the laws and stay within them.  Ultimately, it's her business alone as long as the work gets done. 

Racy

Does your company have an 'employee assistance service' - free counselling for staff? In my company it is standard procedure to provide employees with information about the counselling service and encourage them to access it if they have problems which might be helped by counselling.



If you can understand her motivation for coming back to work too soon it might help you to help her - financial, denial, not wanting to let the team down, fear of people finding out, workaholic, needing company?

cbm

A couple of things; are you in the U.S.?  The laws of your country or province may be different from US laws. 

Also, and this is hard to explain, as a career HR professional, I can tell you that sometimes things are not always as you are told they are.  Sadly, sometimes they are much worse, and oddly, sometimes they are just not what you were led to believe, but different.  

In any of the US organizations I served, it's likely based on her description of her injury, pain, infection, and other circumstances, that she'd be asked to provide a physician's note indicating that she could safely work.  This would be necessary for her own safety and that of other workers.  In addition, in this country, there'd be some need to ensure that the company would not incur liability for injury or exposure to further damage on the job, or blood-borne infectious exposure to other employees.  In the US, she would most certainly be entitled to privacy and to necessary medical leave, and could not be discriminated against for her having to take the time off or for her diagnosis, as Ann said.

You sound very kind and very concerned, and to me she does sound like she is in very serious condition and needs help, but perhaps more than you and the other staff can safely provide.

Most warmly,

Cathy 

Bossperson

Thanks everyone so far for this. Firstly, no. I'm not in the US but the UK, so yes, I understand that laws are different in the workplace. Secondly, we do have a single HR person, but our HR is new and my colleague has specifically said that she does not want to tell HR. She doesn't want to be 'branded' a 'victim' in any way (and I put quotes round those words as they are not mine). I DO know that in the UK it is illegal to share medical infornation in the workplace unless given permission and I wouldn't want to go against her wishes anyway. There's nothing I'm hiding here (except her anonymity). I just am desperately worried that she is going to damage her recovery by so obviously doing too much too soon. I agree - I think she does need counselling, for her own recovery, and probably to get at the root of her grief over the death of her mother which I don't think had been resolved, but it's as much as I can do to get her to reduce her hours right now, let alone suggest anything more long term. Thanks everyone though. It's given me much to ponder and I value your thoughts, suggestions, and to be honest, just the fact you're there. It's given me renewed confidence in talking to her straight tomorrow. Thanks again