everything turned upside down again

riverdancefan

Hello, I was diagnosed in October 2011 after initially being told my lump was nothing but active cells and booked for lumpectomy - upon further scrutiny it was found cancerrous and was told during the pre-op assessment for the original booked and scheduled op.  i had no-one with me at the time and suffice to say the last 3 months have been tough.  i have now finished my radiotherapy including 3 boosts to the tumour bed (directly under the nipple), some nasty grade 4 desquamation, but settled on Arimidex and things were settled and I was looking forward to getting back to work .

Update, my beloved Aunt who was diagnosed in the early 80's and is now 73.  She had the old-fashioned irridium implant wires,I was just starting my nurse training.  She has been an absolute tower of strength during my treatment.  Before Xmas was getting breathless and coughing - well, she has now had a pleural effusion drained, and a CT scan, we are not holding out much hope that it is won't come back as malignant as she is so symptomatic.  I was an oncology nurse for many years and have seen most of what can and does happen - too much I guess.

Not only am I devestated for her, but I feel terrified all over again, my positive outlook has crumbled , I feel I am on constant borrowed time, just waiting for it to "get me".  How can I shake myself out of this? - it's crazy!! ---and I feel selfish for thinking of myself !!

Please move this to a differnet forum if i have posted wrongly

I see so many women doing very well, in my job, but all I can think about is my bleak future

 do you think anti-depressants short-term might help?

thank you  - from a sister overseas xxx