help me to cope with my mom's BC

n_b18

I have to say it happened so fast that we didn't have time to prepare ourselves....My mom found a lump in her breast  around a week ago and she did all the neccessary tests  and her Dr. ,who is one of the best in the country, told her they have top open up and see if they need to remove her breast or not...so they just operated on her on Thursday... The worst thing about this is that I don't live with my family (family of 4) I live in another country and I study there...I was so optimistic and told my father and my sister, it wasn't a big deal and she was going to be all right after 4 hours of operation, I called and talked to my mom she was all awake and out in her room, she told me they had to remove her breast because the tumour was 3 cm and not good, so the Dr had to remove one of her breasts... I just hung up,  was so shocked and started to cry so hard that I really couldn't breath, and the worst thing was that I wasn't there at that very moment...I couldn't believe it, the thought of my mom with her breast removed was killing me...so after 8 hours waiting in the airport for a ticket, I got on a plane and flew to my home country...i went straight to the hospital because my dad and especially my sister were desperate, my sister told me she needed to hug me and cry on my shoulder...when I entered the room I couldn't believe my eyes my mom was very strong and happy...I didn't cry and held my tears in, for the sake of my sister...I had to show her we need to be there for our mom and more importantly be supportive...so i stayed with my mom and as a matter of fact  i'm in the hospital right now with my mom for the second night...it's been three days since her operation...I didn't cry at all and pretended I was strong cause my mom is really strong, and logical about the BC...we're now waiting for the result of the biopsy to find out more about the treatment...the Dr said the tomour was not big and it didn't spread to her armpit, but they need to see the result to know about the chemo and radiation...my mom is now asleep and it just hit me, and I started crying silently...I can't see her like this... I love her so much she is my best friend..the fact that I can only be with her for a month is killing me...i feel guilty that my 21 year old sister and my dad have to go through this without me...with my studies and cost of flying back and forth I don't know how to deal with this?...please help me to cope with this...

Moderators

n_b, until other members add their advice and experiences, the main Breastcancer.org site has suggestions for caregivers and family members coping with a new BC diagnosis, including this older transcript Partners, Loved Ones, Caregivers: Taking Care of You.

Judith and the Mods

ma111

I am a mother of an 18 year old girl that is in college. The one thing I do not want to see happen to her because of my disease is that her life be ruined. I want her to do well. By this I mean study, get good grades. Play with friends.

I would really hate the thought of her life going down and not perusing her goals because of me. That is just the normal love of a mother.

apple

n_b18... know that losing a breast is not the end of the world.  I went shopping 2 days after my mastectomy.. and it was a complete zipper from breast bone to armpit.  I am sorry for you and your mom, but knowing that it is not in the distant nodes is very encouraging and she should be ok.

as ma111 said, I do not want my disease to impact my kids' life.  I do know it will.. i am at a much later stage than your mother but I hope to instill in them the strength to go on after I pass on, to continue to be happy and live good lives.  their happiness is very important to me.. much more than my own. 

It is so nice of you to be with your mom now.  I hope you find from her doctors the encouragement that she will be ok and that you have many long years together.  you should.  best of luck.  she may have a year of treatment and then drugs for a while. maybe five years, maybe longer, but it is doable... quite doable.  It sounds like she is very strong.  also, good luck in your studies.. please carry on.  Now with the internet it is possible to be in touch daily without expense and that is wonderful.

angelsister

Hi nb. Your mom must be so pleased that you can be with her right now. As well as dealing with her surgery and her fear, she'll be so worried about you.. I think its great that you can be there and be able to help her. She and you have a long journey ahead even tho yours seems to have happened quick up until now. She knows how long you can stay, leave with a plan to come back soon and call her often to tell her you love her and ask how she is doing? Also remember to call your sister and let her talk about what is going on and how she feels, tell her she's brilliant for doing what she is.hyour mom might find it hard to talk about her feelings because she won't want to worry you. Make sure she knows you are ok and that you are as strong as she is. We mom's love that! It makes us really proud! And it helps us to know that our sons and daughters are able to carry on with their lives too. I'm so sorry this has happened to you guys, but your mom is gonna get through and so will you. Best wishes to both of you x

thefuzzylemon

You have options my dear!! The most horrible part for me was the agony my beautiful babies (19&17) had to suffer through. I've started letters to them....

So...you might be in another country but you have the internet, cell phones, postal services etc!! You need to do what you can with what you have!

make a schedule:

3.1.12: get on webcam at 6:00pm for 20 minutes.

3.15.12: send mom/dad/sis a small care package

3.25.12: schedule next trip home

4.2.12: send Hallmark cards.

5.1.12: make handmade gifts

5.10.12: mail homemade gifts



You get the idea. It will help you stay connected, feel like you're helping, and give you a better sense of control.