March 2012 chemo

Masserz

I know many of us are dealing with general fatigue, but I'm curious whether anyone else is also having extreme muscle fatigue like I am? All of my muscles feel tired all the time as if I've done some kick ass full body workout and have nothing left. Everything I do ( and I really mean everything) makes me ache. If I fold clothes, my arms feel like spaghetti. If I walk up the stairs, my legs feel like I ran a marathon. TMI, but one of the main reason I don't want to have sex right now is the need to perform repetitive motions!! I really want to make brownies for DHs birthday tomorrow, but the thought of stiring thick batter makes me want to cry. It's exhausting.

Galena, I'm with you...I hate chemo!

Myleftboob

Masserz

Mostly my legs and in particular my thighs.  I gardened on the weekend but it was undersandable that my legs got a bit tired and were sore for a couple of days.  I cleaned out the front hall closet today and my legs were killing me!! I don't find my arms bugging me that much like carrying groceries etc. though.  Alot of those on the February thread say the same so its not uncommon.  I am seeing my MO on Friday and going to ask him how long he thinks this might go on for?

JoyceNYC

Hey, ladies, just stopping by from the January group with a word of encouragement -- I just finished 6 cycles of cytoxan-toxotere after a bmx and DIEP reconstruction.  The surgery was easy compared to chemo, but hang in there!  My worst cycles were #4 & #5 -- for some reason #6 was a breeze.  My hair might be gone, my digestive system might be a disaster, I may be feeling like I was hit by a truck six times -- but I did it -- and YOU WILL TOO!  Hang in there!

onvacation

Kari - yea on the wig reimbursement!  

Hugs to everyone who needs one today! 

tc9876

Hello Ladies, I don't post much but I must post today to put my picture on the wall of shame.  Now, contrary to most people, chemo stimulates my appetite.  And after my 4th TCH (of 6), I seem to hit an all time high.  I had a respectable lunch of homemade chicken pot pie and salad.  I wanted something a little more so I picked up a pound of strawberries and that cream cheese fruit dip to nibble on.  I then proceeded to eat the WHOLE pound of strawberries and the entire (16 oz, I believe) container of dip.  After work, while waiting for my son, I ate a bunch of tortilla chips and half a container of Fiesta dip (black beans, sour cream, guac, cheese, tomatoes).  I come home, resolving not to eat another bite but succumbed to 3 fried wing dings and rice and gravy.  I truly don't know what has come over me.  I almost never eat this much food.  I'm going to go to bed now before I do any more damage.

On the positive side, it is day 7 after tx and normally, I feel very lethargic with sensitive gums and constipation.  I feel GREAT!!  I truly don't know what is going on.

I hope that everyone is feeling GREAT today and eating healthier than I am.

IndigoMont11

Hi everyone.  I hope those of you having a rough time with SEs get over them sooner rather than later. 

Galena - yep, I Googled both of them awhile ago, and  Antonio Te Maioha is definitely Maori (his last name to me sounds like it must be Maori?), and I think Manu Bennett is part Maori (his mom, acc. to his bio, was a swimsuit model).  

Masserz, Myleftboob and anyone else about the muscle tiredness - yeah, I definitely notice that.  I don't think I was as fit or as much into exercise as some of you apparently were before starting treatment, but I've always been a walker.  Well, my legs get tired just after walking what to me is a short distance, and if I push it a little, I feel like when I get home that I have to lie down.  I guess that's just one of the thins you have to deal with.  

tc9876, OMG, yes.  I thought after the first couple of days that my DH and sons would have to remind me to eat - but that was definitely not the case!  Except for spicy stuff that hurts my mouth and aggravates heartburn, I've pretty much been able to eat anything that sounds good.  The week after tx#1, I had a Chicago style roast beef sandwich (no peppers though), something I hadn't eaten in years, and later that day also just had to have some tiramisu!  This was after I gave into my craving for a Taco Bell pizza earlier in the week!  Oh, btw  - I have been cooking more again and I made a chicken pot pie last night - it *was* a Weight Watchers recipe but totally delicious. 

Interestingly, I'm usually someone who can just think about dessert and gain weight - but I've actually lost weight since starting chemo.  I had weight I had wanted to lose so I think I'll be okay if more comes off.  It just stinks that it had to come to thise for me to be one of the people I've always been jealous of, who could eat anything they want and not gain weight.  Realistically, I'm sure it's temporary but hey - any silver lining is a silver lining.  

Well, speaking of eating, I guess I should eat a little bit extra this evening since no food after midnight until after my port surgery tomorrow.  

GeorgiaMom

Hello everyone!

 Haven't posted in a while because Round 3 was pretty rough on me.  Had terrible fatigue, horrible digestive problems and then an allergic reaction that required a steroid dose pack.  Really started to wear on me mentally with a different problem each day but I got through it.

 I had my last of 4 TC treatments today!   I'm so thrilled to have it done and while I still have the SE's to deal with I was able to get all my doses in (and there were times in the last few weeks where I wanted to quit) so I know I made the right decision.  I have a ridiculously busy schedule the next few weeks and I'm hoping that will distract me from the SE's. I did my radiation before chemo (5 day Mammosite internal partial breast radiation) so my next step is Tamoxifen.  I also called to make an appointment to have my port removed. Hope to have that done on the May 30th.  They will use local anesthesia and I can drive myself home.  Love that part!

 For those of you that have a long way to go, know that I am thinking of you all and praying you get through it well.  I plan on sticking around and hopefully posting more once school gets out and I'm free for the summer!

 Take care!

 Jeanne

Myleftboob

Georgiamom

Congratulations on being done with TC!!!  I know it was rough but you did it and should be proud of yourself!!

I too will be starting Tamoxifen (I think) but I meet with my MO on Friday to discuss everything.  I wish I could get my port out but I'm getting Herceptin until at least December so it will stay in until then. 

JoanG

Masserz and Myleftboob - I have been getting one or two massages each round with a masseuse who specializes in MLD - Manual Lymph Drainage. She has been giving me a normal massage, though. I think that it has helped. During the first round, my feet felt tingly and numb. Much better after the first massage.

KCB

Joyce: thanks for checking in from the other side!! It helps so much to hear from folks who've completed and are moving on. Congrats!

galena_79

Hi all.  I just had a weird thing happen, and I thought I would share.

So I was just randomly surfing the Internet... and I found my mind, all by itself, started thinking about Sociology.  I know that sounds unremarkable, but when I realised what I'd done, well, it was astounding.

Before my BC diagnosis I had just graduated with a Sociology degree and was looking to explore my options for a new career.  Having worked in the health industry for over a decade, I was hoping to move into health research / policy / promotion.

Anywho, as soon as my BC was diagnosed, everything disappeared.  My brain emptied of everything that did not directly relate to having cancer / fighting cancer / dealing with cancer.  My interests, desire to work, have a career and make a difference in the world... all gone.

For 6 months I have had my life on hold.  I've had a very 'survival' type mindset, thinking about the basics to get through each day, and get through breast cancer.  I've been in a holding pattern, waiting until I can live my life again.

On one hand it's felt quite primal, (mostly) focusing on the basics - food / water, shelter, hygiene, warmth, companionship, healthcare, support.  And on another it's been very humbling, realising how much I have and how little I truly need.  Everything else seems insignificant.

So yeah, my point was that somehow my brain is starting to let other interests back in.

And it was weird.

PS. My eyelashes are really badly falling out now. 

tc9876

GeorgiaMom:  Congratulations on getting through the hard stuff.  I mentioned mammosite radiation and I was told I was not a candidate for it (don't recall why).  I would love to just be done with EVERYTHING so that I can get back to feeling normal and living my life.

Galena:  That's just what I was saying above.  It's good to be able to think about something besides BC.

Myleftboob

Galena

I know exactly what you mean about only thinking about the necesseties in life for the last 6 months.  Stupid stuff I used to get riled up about before have totally fallen by the wayside, they just don't matter anymore  I have made a big life decision though to totally simplify my life, sell the too big house and live a more need based life vs want based life.  Its very freeing.

Just got in from an hour long walk with a friend. My legs are still kind of weak and get tired easier than like a month ago but I have to keep moving.  Good thing she brought her little dog that likes to take frequent pee and sniff breaks LOL!! 

kltb04

Morning all.  Went to see Five Year Engagement (it was ok, typical rom/com) and to eat with SIL last night.  Went to bed early but still got up tired this morning.  Took kids to school and ran by the store to get a couple things for fajitas tonight.  Then home, put a load of laundry on and ran the dishwasher.  Having a computer break before doing anything else.

Masserz - sorry about the muscle fatigue, I can't say that I actually feel that, I just move really slowly and feel like I do everything in slow motion.

tc - I'm sorry but I had to laugh at your eating binge - I hope you are feeling ok today!  I ate an entire roll of Mentos in the car rider line the other day

Indigo - thinking of you during your port surgery today.

Jeanne - yay for being done! 

Galena/MLB/tc - I totally understand - I am still in the survival mindset...but I have come to the point where I know I do not want to go back to where I was before (working in retail just making "extra" money; knowing for sure I do not want to go back to elementary ed just because I have a degree because I would HATE it). But those glimmers of "life after BC" are few and far between.

All - can I whine? Well, I'm gonna whine, so get ready.  I think I would be doing better if I wasn't dealing with this rib/side issue constantly but I don't think it warrants any further testing.  Let me attempt to describe it.  Doesn't bother me at all lying down.  Doesn't hurt.  Every once in a while, I get a fleeing pain/spasm but very short lasting.  I do not believe it is in any way a fracture/cracked rib related to any mets.  My BC is on the right side, this is the left side.  The area which it is located (TMI coming, get ready) is where my left boob hangs onto my chest/abdomen.  If I lift it up, the feeling goes away.  If I wear a bra, then the "sensation" seems to wrap around to my back.  I have gained a LOT of weight in the last few years. Never got back to pre-pg weight after second DD and just gradually gained and gained.  Well, put it this way, I could lost 60 lbs and be at a relatively healthy weight but still not skinny (I am short)

So anyway, it just bothers me and is continually on my mind and of course I think "well could it be BC related" - I have done a ton of googling and apparantly this feeling is common and often people don't get a definitive diagnosis.  So why can't I quite worrying????  That area of the body - even up into the rib cage area - is common to have colon/IBS/etc...issues as well too.  So (((sigh))) - the nurse did bring it up at my last MO visit - just asking me if I was still having the pain.  It is so hard to describe (and it isn't pain really) so I finally told her it "comes and goes."  I just want it to go.  And again, it isn't totally new, I remember noticing it before my diagnosis.  I doubt very seriously that anything that has been going on this long (at least 6 months) would be mets related and not show up on a scan by this point.  And to recap...I have had a rib series of xrays, I have had a combo PET/CT, nothing was seen.  I guess I just need to go off the theory that whatever "it" is, it is possibly weight related and maybe even exacerbated by the chemo and I just notice it more.  And start trying to excerise/at least walk - regardless of the fatigue.  Ok, whining over.

Myleftboob

klt

I wonder if you might have pulled a rib muscle.  I have a weird back (mild scoliosis that wasn't diagnosed until I was 30) and I have pulled a rib muscle which would kind of make sense that it goes all the way around.  I also know the heavier I am the more issues I have with everything back related.  I know alot of doctors poo poo this including my own, but personally find alot of relief with visits to my chriropractor.  He will feel I have an issue before I even tell him.  I have alot of faith in him, he's quite holistic and a very informed medical practicioner.  Not the type that runs down the medical establishment at all but rather is an additional resource for me.  It was him that informed me of LE if you remember from my previous posts about the issue where no one else ever addressed it!  Anyway just a thought since nothing has been discovered via MRI etc.  It can be quite painfull.

I too need to lose at least 30 pounds but would be happy with 10 - 15 at this stage of my life.  Need a little bit of fat to make my face look ok LOL!  I have a SIL that at age 56 still looks hot in a bikini but honestly if she put on 10 pounds it would take 10 years off of her.

tc

I've had my share of eating my way through the day too so don't feel to bad.  I am no longer buying chips, ice cream or chocolate with my weekley shopping.  If its there, I find my way too it!!  Last night I decided to make home made hamburgers and realized I was out of eggs and breadcrumbs. I just knew if I went to the store I would buy something sweet.  I googled replacements for both and found out I could use oatmeal for breadcrumbs and ground flaxseed with boiled water (once it thickened) as a replacement for egg both of which I had one hand.  Burgers turned out great and I avoided the extra calories! 

kltb04

Thx MLB...I am wondering if I made things worse after my SNB and subsequent Port surgery - because my right side was sore from the SNB and then my port side was on the left, every time I got out of bed I had to just pull myself up (rolling out on my right side and pulling with the left) - without using my arms much.  The feeling was there before but is worse the last couple months.

That is so true about being too thin - it does age your face.  My mom lost quite a bit of weight when she started having problems with her Sjogren's (autoimmune disorder) and she looked so much younger before she lost the weight.

I didn't buy anything sweet today at the store except some of those mini brownie 100 calorie packs for the kids to eat as a "dessert" - of course, I had to try a pack - gosh there aren't many in there!  

:)K

Myleftboob

klt

You should get it seen to.  About 10 years ago my rib was bugging me and I put off going to see the chiropractor.  I got out of bed, stretched and I heard something pop.  As the day wore on my arm was near useless and my fingers went numb.  He had to work on me for a couple of weeks to release the nerve and one days I was walking along and somehow it released and all the feeling came flooding back.  It as a bit scary and even he was worried about nerve damage. I just love this guy.  I remember telling my doctor about it.  She just sniffed and said "if you beleive in that stuff".  I liked her too but I asked her what would you have done?  She said ice and ibruprofen.   I did that too mind you.  I then went on to ask her "Have I ever in the 18 years of coming to you every ask for a muscle relaxant or pain pill?" No I hadn't.  Its not like I go all the time either, just when I need to but now before I am in real pain to avoid what happend like before. 

tellie_savalis

kltb04- I had similar rib issues before BC.  My obgyn though my ribs seemed different on one side than the other, asked me if I had any pain issues.  I told him yes, often when I was driving (mostly I think it was the sitting position).  He sent me to my primary doc.  After testing it was determined it was from my breasts being heavy (D cup and very dense tissue) and me wearing an underwire bra for so many years. 

Does anyone else have sheading issues?  I feel like I am molting.  Everytime I shower all my skin comes off!  Okay not all of it but a lot.  Ick.    

kltb04

tellie - interesting...and makes me feel better.  I have noticed when I sit I tend to lean down toward that side...and I have gone from a barely C cup to a D with the weight gain over the last five years or so...hmmm, something to think about.

and no skin shedding here!

KCB

Galena: I love your post. How wonderful that your mind is slowly letting the world back in. Primal is a great way of describing it. Love having your thoughts to hold onto today. Thanks.

Love74

Kltb - I have pain under my ribs on my left side.  After many tests in the last few years it was diagnosed as 'Gastric Diverticulum'.  The diverticulum is on the side of my stomach fairly close to my adrenal gland.  At first they thought it was an adrenal cyst.  I get pains off and on...like a quick stabbing pain.  It is worse when I eat a big meal.  Apparently it is really rare to have one in your stomach...but they show up well on an mri.  Sometimes it aches and I feel like I have a kidney infection.

KCB

Tellie;

Yup, flaky head and skin in general here. Trying to remember to moisturize daily; that is, IF I can drag myself through a shower! Did I read here that coconut oil is great for scalp dryness?

onvacation

I'm not as dry as I thought I would be, but I use lotion after my shower and at night the coconut oil.  Looks much better!

onvacation

So just to add more stress to my life, my 81 year old dad has to have open heart surgery!  He just called to find out when my next treatment is so we can work around that.  UGH.  I will have to do a lot because my Mom just isn't up to it and my syblings are somewhat useless!  Ok, I didn't really say that, but it might be a little true.

 So I will put on my big girl panties and get through this just like chemo!

kltb04

Love - the intestinal/digestion issue is what my mom is leaning towards... I guess I should just try everything and see if anything works!  Considering duct taping my boob up

Kim - I forget too!  I know I should moisturize but I just forget to do it...my main issue of bad dryness is just my face and that isn't anything new.

KCB - coconut oil can be used for everything.  At first I thought you had to heat it up and make it liquid but I have found just scooping it up and rubbing my hands together warms it up to a liquid to use.  It is just so greasy...I tend to just dot it on the super dry spots and put other moisturizers on top of it.

Kim again - ugh, just read your latest post - stress!!!!  (((hugs)))

KCB

Kim, so sorry to hear about your dad... And your sibs for that matter. Hang in there.

IndigoMont11

Port placement was a piece of cake! Thanks to everyone for all the pep talks. The worst parts were the IV (again...) and the delay while the reviewed my labs. My white counts from yesterday were low enough that the MO's nurse called while we were driving over for the procedure to tell me if they aren't better tomorrow, they would have to reschedule my chemo tomorrow. :-( They did do new labs before the surgery, and I had a little while to worry that they wouldn't do the port placement either. But the MO's nurse said almost always that even two days makes a difference. I guess she knew what she was talking about because the new labs just from today were much better. So, all done. They gave me a little packet with one of those "livestrong" type bracelets that says "powerport" on it. Those bracelets are usually too big for me, but this one fits, and it is purple, so I liked it. ;-)

IndigoMont11

Kim, sorry about your dad. I'm sendng purple energy to you both.

kltb04

Yay so glad it went well and that is behind you. So is yours a power port? Thats good because you can do contrasts and materials through that for ct and MRI that you can't do on a regular port. I think mine is just a regular one. I didn't find that out until after I had mine put in. I keep hoping I will grow new veins or something before I have to have another scan. Glad your labs were better too.



Y'all would laugh if you could see me. Purple pj pants, teal tshirt (with a small hole), pink and gray care cap, and sequin flip flops. Sitting in car rider line. Hope I don't need to get out.

IndigoMont11

I love it -I want some sequined flip flops! Just don't get any tickets and you'll be fine.!