Talking with mom's oncologist Fr. Scared.

maccupiccu

1. I'm taking my mom to her oncologist on Friday for a symptom talk and a blood test. Since her pneumonia incident, she's been off of chemo for a month but she's saying she feels horrible. She's weak, can't eat, water diarrhea, memory kind of bad....I'm worried she's getting worse. I'm so scared of doing this alone. My dad won't come because he doens't want to hear the bad news. WTF? Like I do? I feel so alone, lost, sad, and just ....numb. She'll get her blood results on Monday but the way she feels, she's too weak for more chemo. I just think the doc is going to say that this is it.
2. I don't know what to do with hospice. What to expect. How much time I need to take off of work. I'm beyond grateful for FMLA but it's unpaid and I'm the major bread winner.
3. During this time and after it's done, I'm just so burned out with life that I want a year to take a break and reassess my own. I have nothing left in IL after my parents are gone. I have always wanted to move somewhere warm. Husband and I talked about CA but neither of us have moved from our hometown in 40 years. I'm scared. I just have always played it safe that I want something more out of life. We've briefly talked about AZ, which I would probably love. Husband--not so much but I'm trying to tell him a lot of his family and friends are there, it's cheap, it's 3 hours to Vegas (I think) and CA. Cheaper flights to CA and HI if we want a vacation.
4. Sorry  for babbling. I just feel so lost that I need people to talk with and the internet has always been the best resource for me.