What can a loving husband say?

jmjensen0518

Hi everyone, I want to start by thanking everyone on this site for helping my wife through this life-changing process. I truly appreciate all the love, support, and knowledge people have shared with us this past month. I am writing today for the first time because my wife is my whole world and her happiness means everything to me.

My wife and I are 26 years old. We were married 4 months ago (the best day of my life). She was diagnosed 1 month ago. Tests came back ER+, PROG+, grade 2 cells, 1.3 cm tumor,  and negative on genetics (Stage 1). She had a unilateral mastectomy performed and went wonderfully (thank you god). Her lymph nodes were also found to be negative. Onco-type just came back low (14), so barring a meeting with the Medical Oncologist tomorrow, she may be able to avoid chemo as well as radiation...

All things considered, we have been extremely lucky and blessed with here results and treatment since the diagnosis. Since the operation, she has done amazing with her physical rehabilitation. Only 2 weeks have past and she I already back on her feet with her incisions looking better than I ever could have dreamed.  

My wife is the strongest person I know. I know for a fact she will be fine and better than ever. 

I am the one in need of help now, however. While I'm normally a positive person, how does someone in this situation be a positive influence, yet sensitive to future risks of reoccurence? How do you motivate someone without being completely naive to situation? How do I inspire hope for the future and the experiences we have to look forward to without being insensitive to the gravity of the disease? Anything perspective people have that could help would be greatly appreciated...

profbee

Wow.  How lovely!  I'd want to hear all that.    My hubby's been WONDERFUL.  The most important thing is that he was with me through it.  That he wasn't "concerned" about a breast (in the best way...words are failing me right now), but that he cared about ME and I was what was important, and we would do whatever we had to to get through this together. 

Your wife DOES have a great prognosis.  How do you inspire hope for the future?  Maybe some plans?   

Truly, lovely post.  It sounds like you're already a wonderfully supportive husband.

Blessings2011

Welcome to the forum, jmjensen0518, and congratulations on your recent marriage!

They say that life is what happens when you're busy making other plans, and it sounds like life sure threw you a curve ball with your wife's diagnosis. It also sounds like you both handled it well, and her outcome was a very positive one.

I had my bilateral mastectomy on December 5th, with immediate reconstruction. The first thing my husband told me when I gave him the news of my diagnosis was that no matter how nice he thought my breasts were, it was more important to him that I be healthy, whatever it took. He assured me that he knew this would be a long road to recovery (reconstruction), and that he would be there the whole time for me. We are a team, he'd say.

I, too, had a good final path report - no chemo, no radiation, just a drug for 5 years to block estrogen in my body.

When you meet with the MO tomorrow, you will hear a number of statistics. It's their job to educate people with cancer about their chances of recurrence. Of course, we all want that number to be zero, but that's just not realistic.

Meeting the Oncologist was sobering for both me and DH. But what we decided was that there are no guarantees in life, and that we would just go on about our business, staying as healthy as we could. We wouldn't change any plans we had made prior to my diagnosis.

Here's the thing - when we worry and are anxious about tomorrow, that just robs us of the joy we could be experiencing today. And most of the time - seriously - all the worry and anxiety is for nothing, and we've just thrown away a day that could have been fabulous if we had just lived in the moment.

As newlyweds, I'm sure you have lots of plans. As a loving husband, I'll bet you can be very flexible. There may be more issues down the road for your wife's recovery, and she may need you to be her strong shoulder at times....(even though she's the strongest person you know, it's nice to know you don't always have to be that way, and that someone has your back).

Love each other. Love life. Live healthy. Make plans, Experience the world as a married couple. Hold hands through any setbacks, and give thanks for the good times. None of us knows what the future holds, so it's really important to not live in fear of the "what if's"....they may never happen.

May you both be healthy and dancing at your 50th wedding anniversary!!!!