Young caregiver fatigued at night

shmget

I've been caring for my young wife for over a year now as she has been fighting breast cancer.  When she was first diagnosed, I started to feel very tired and "fried" every night.  I talked to my doctor, and he agreed to put me on an SSRI, and that has helped quite a bit.  But recently, I feel like I'm getting back to feeling wiped out at night.  Any other young caregivers going through something like this?  I'm 32 years old, and in good health.

 I'm trying to get to bed every night as early as I can, but as you can imagine, between dealing with our kids, my wife's needs, and the household stuff that largely has become my responsiblity now, there just aren't enough hours in a day.  I've tried using vitamins, but that doesn't seem to be helping any.

Shrek4

Try B6 only. that is the "energy" vitamin. I took it during chemo.

dlb823

How are you sleeping?  Being the caregiver for your wife and taking care of the kids and the house is exhausting -- not to mention the emotional stress of dealing with what your wife is going through, and maybe worrying about finances, which also goes with the territory.  Are you also holding down a full time job?  With or without that, the stuff @ home is exhausting, and if you're not getting a good night's sleep, I can see how you would be dragging by the end of the day.  

It probably wouldn't be a bad idea to get a complete physical exam yourself, just to be sure there's nothing else going on.  But if that all checks out okay, then maybe try a natural sleep product, available at any sizeable health food store or natural market.  Things like Melatonin and Valerian are available in various fomulas that might help you get a good night's sleep, if you're not now.     Deanna

chilimac

I'm sorry you are going through all of this.  I have been the caregiver for both of my sisters during their chemo.  My one sister is NED (no evidence of disease) and out of chemo a few months now, but my other sister is still having chemo.  I am youngish (40) and in good health as well, but it can be exhausting.  For me it's been mainly emotionally exhausting with worrying about my sisters and always second guessing myself, "have I done enough?".  In the beginning I had such horrible trouble sleeping and had to resort to sleeping pills to get through the night. Without them I would just lay in bed at night worried senseless.  My husband stepped in and did a lot of the things that went neglected.  I'm not sure how old your kids are, but is it possible for them to help you out as well?  How about other family members?  Does your wife have any siblings?  Please don't be afraid to ask for help/support. 

I agree with the previous replies that it may be helpful to see a doctor just to get checked out. 

Tonya

Stormynyte

The dishes can wait, the laundry will still be there tomorrow..sounds to me like you need a break. Take a day or two a week and just let the chores be for that day, make a quick easy dinner and have a movie night with the family. Of course rule out any medical issues, but don't forget to take care of yourself too. Eveyone needs a time out now and then, we have to make them for ourselves.

mrsnjband

Being the caregiver can be very tiring. DH & I have been on both sides of the coin. Hang in there & try to take care of yourself too. NJ

apple

you need some help.. there is too much to do.  maybe contacting the American Cancer society or something.. anything.   money should not be an issue.. I think there are organizations that ignore that sort of thing. wishing you the best.. ask for help. and best of luck.

thefuzzylemon

Of course you're tired!! Its a mental exhaustion and a physical challenge. Here's what I think might help...

Talk to someone...support group, church, us, etc.

Check to see if Cleaning for a Reason is in your area...it free/super cheap house cleaning for BC patients.

Connect with your local ACS...tell them what you're feeling...they can help.

Take care of YOU...you can't help your family 100% if your neglecting you.

Make a chart of stuff to do...if anyone wants to help, ask them to sign up on the chart! Then, you don't even have to ask...

ruthbru

If you can afford a cleaning lady, hire one. Ask your friends/family/co-workers if they would be willing to organize a meal calendar and bring you guys meals a couple times a week. Be sure to tell anyone who has ever said, "Let me know if there is anything I can do" what they can do that would be helpful (take the kids for a couple hours, run errands, come and hang out with your wife so you can take a break all come to mind). As others have said, you do need to take care of yourself too. Make sure you take time to exercise. I think it is the best thing to help you stay strong both physically and mentally, and exercise actually helps counter fatigue. My very best wishes to you and your family!

shmget

Thanks for your replies.  Yes, I have a full-time job, and put in 40+ hours each week with it.  It is not a physical job, but since I have to think all day, it can drain me mentally at times.  Finances are becoming a big concern now, as bill collectors keep calling, and we pay what we can. 

Maybe I'm not sleeping as well as I thought, but I do get at least 7 hours of sleep a night.  I sleep very soundly.  I've had a sleep study before, so I know I don't have apnea.  

We have tried the Cleaning for a Reason, but can't get through.  I think you have to call at noon and it is very hard to get into the program.  Yes, I wish that I could take a break, but I can't.  I have to save up my vacation time for April, when my wife will have the other mastectomy + reconstruction. 

 In general I'm doing ok emotionally and mentally, it is just trying to juggle everything that gets real difficult.  I do let things in the house slide until I can't stand it. We are trying to get the kids to take more responsibility with cleanup, and that has helped.

 I'm hoping after all this is over I can take a long vacation somewhere, but that won't be until next year probably