always sick...and sick of it....

kathleen1966

Well I guess my days of never, ever being sick are over (aside from the Big Kahona of sick).  I can't seem to fight ANYTHING off.  A year and half for me, one year since chemo and my Red Blood Count is still below normal and so is my White Blood count. Has this happened to anyone else?  It is getting harder and harder to keep talking myself out of thinking every little illness or pain is mets.  It seems constant...it is really wearing me down emotionally and mentally. It is just always something.  I am NOT strong anymore. 

Kaara

I'm so sorry to hear you are going through this.  I think it's hard to get back on track once you have had chemo.  Are you taking any vitamins or supplements to boost your immune system and help get your count back in line?  If your MO has not made any suggestions, I would think about seeing a naturopathic doctor.  I am taking high doses of vitamin D-3 and Vit C to build up my immune system and it's working fairly well.  Also take other supplements to prevent bc recurrence.

In the meantime, I think it's normal to feel concerned when you have an ache or pain because the last thing we want is for this to hit us again...I obsess as well over these things.  I think if we're getting our regular check ups and keeping ourselves as healthy as possible, that's all we can do.  Then we just have to detatch from the thoughts that cause us concern and live our life...I call it the "new normal". 

Keep the faith...sending you prayers and positive energy! 

Caroljl

 Dear Kathleen, I really feel for you, I guess I am one of the lucky ones, I didn't get sick that much. But I feel for women that are sick of being sick.Chemo came and went along with rads., but the  consequence's of a procedure to help heal cancer, always seems to have some pay back, as what i mean is avasculer necrosis of the hip bone, which means that I will evenually have to have a hip replacemet done in the near future. Enough about me, what makes you think mets are causing you to be sick all the time? Are you still seeing the same oncologist, or have you concidered seeing someone else? I am so sorry that this happening to you. wish you all the luck

apple

i'm sorry Kathleen.  maybe the coming of Spring will bring you better days.

 I've had this cough my son so kindly gave me for weeks now.. enough already.

Outfield

Kathleen, my last chemo infusion was 10/27/10.  My neutrophil count didn't get above 1.7 until my most recent blood tests about 2 months ago, and I was often frankly neutropenic.  My total white blood cell count also went over I think 2.2 for the first time on those most recent labs, so I'm missing white blood cells besides neutrophils.  My platelets have been low-normal or slightly low since the end of chemo.  The only thing I've produced well is red blood cells.  I had a bone marrow biopsy in March of 2010 because of these issues, it was normal.  My MO had seen this before but not a lot.

It has been frustrating, and if I think about it, scary.  I try not to think about it.  I haven't done neutropenic precautions for probably a year?  The only thing I consciously avoid is the hot tub at the gym where I work out.  Diaper soup, as a friend calls it.  I haven't been susceptible to serious bacterial infections, but when I get a virus it really, really hits me hard.  I seem to run fevers much more easily than in the past.  Which is a pain when you're neutropenic. 

I don't have much helpful to offer other than empathy.  I tried acupuncture - didn't help.  I try to eat really, really well, and I exercise regularly but not has hard as before cancer.  Doesn't seem to help.  My kids are now 3-1/2 and 5, and no amount of handwashing can erase someone purposefully sliming their running nose on you or vomiting all over you.  I'd consider seeing a naturopath, I guess, but I'm working full time now and it's hard enough to get to all my oncology appointments.  I try really hard to wash my hands and keep my fingers out of my eyes, nose and mouth.

I was also stage III at diagnosis in 6/2010, but ER+, PR-, HER2-.  You look younger than me (46 now).  I find it impossible not to worry about every little symptom and not to be frustrated with my apparent immune system weakness and abnormal counts.  My grandmothers lived to an average age of 92, and I took that life expectancy for granted.  Now I look at my risk of recurrence and my unquantifiable risk from this white count issue, and I can't help but worry.  But I do think it's gotten better with time - the worrying doesn't help unless I'm making concrete plans and acting on them.  Therapy and meditation, exercise, really participating in my family and work again (I was very sick with chemo).  Basically I'm just trying really hard and very purposefully to get back to life and live whatever I've got left, and putting effort into that is taking the fear, which is not going to go away, out of the forefront of my mind more of the time.

kathleen1966

Thanks everyone, you have made me feel a bit better.  Thanks soo much for the support.

Outfield, we are about the same age!  (I am 45 and will be 46 in May, that photo is before breast cancer, right before diagnosis.  I look my age now ...oh wait no, I do not look my age....I look about ten years OLDER!!) - I have a nine year old and a six year old. They do bring home a lot of virus's.  All of my RBC's (Hemoglobin, and the other two, can't remember the names...MVP, Hematocrit?) were low up until the last visit (but barely in the normal range).  Now it is only the RBC.  Below normal but not that much.  The WBC was 4.0 at my last appointment on January 18th, slightly below normal but 8 points lower than the last time I had blood work.  The rest of the counts related to the WBC were in the normal range.  But I wonder if this below normal WBC is the reason I keep getting sick soo severely when before and even during chemo, I never got sick. Maybe it is just a bad season for me (thanks Apple, you have been one of my favorites for some time). Maybe the stress has finally caught up to me.  My oncologist is not concerned (she is a flake, yes I still need to find a new one).  I just hope that they are not letting me slip through the cracks. I really trust no-one.  I worry about the bone marrow issue, though I have heard having cancer there is not as horrible as it sounds and is very treatable (Good Lord the things we tell ourselves). My platelets are normal.  My one grandmother lived to be 93, and my other one is still alive! (also 93).  I too took this for granted that this would be me as well. 

I haven't been in therapy. I wish therapy was included in the whole treatment for breast cancer. We live paycheck to paycheck.  I would love to go to a naturopathic doctor (thanks Kaara).  I have a name of one.  Another one, although highly recommended, was too expensive.  I have another name that is more reasonable and have also heard good things about him. I'm sure he would love to see me!

Well, off to bed now after I down some nyquil. I guess going to tiny tots day at Romp-n-roll (rollerskating for nine and under on a recent day off) was a bad idea after all....I suppose its as bad as a hot tub....and yes, everyone in this family has been sick.  I just though I was going to beat this one (it would have been the first time since before chemo, it seemed like it was going to happen, now it is full blown and steady).  

AnacortesGirl

I completely understand.  I'm a year ahead of you and I'm so frustrated.  Like you, it's really wearing me down emotionally.  I just had a visit with my primary care doc yesterday because I have another sinus/cold thing going on.  This is the 3rd one in less than 4 months.  Actually going to have a CT scan to see what my sinuses look like -- hoping that it's just a chronic sinus infection that needs a hearty dose of the heavy antibiotics.  But we're also doing lung x-rays and neck x-rays for the headaches and cough. 

Like you, my counts are still low.  They always come in either slightly below normal or just barely over.  All of them.  One month I did my best to eat iron rich food everyday hoping to get my RBCs back up.  And I did get them into the normal range but then I went back to eating a variety of foods and they fell back down. 

In my old life I would get a bad cold that would keep me away from work every 2 or 3 years.  Now, I would love to have 3 months of feeling good.  Everybody tells me to just "be careful and don't overdo it".  Well, the problem is that I don't know where that "overdo it" line is anymore.

Sorry I don't have answers.  But I sure understand.

gutsy

I understand, I have very similar feelings and experiences. Just saw my physician today as I have a lasting cough. She seems to think it is sinus related. A couple of weeks ago it was these very sharp pains in mastectomy area.  Last summer, extreme back pain and I had to get half a dozen x-rays. I am all for forgetting and moving on, but there always seems to be something strange going on in my body. I freak out inside and become withdrawn.  I feel no one around me understands. I am mentally tired.

mom2twins34

I am with you, Kathleen, and all of you!  My counts remain low--WBC, especially...  And I can't remember the last time I felt okay...  Glad to know I'm not alone, but sorry that we're all in the same boat (which sometimes feels like the Titanic!).  :-)

Hoping for better days ahead for Kathleen & all...