Repetitive Comfort

TonLee

I don't know about anyone else here, but during this entire BC journey starting in 2010, people try to comfort me by making comments. 

Some of those comments are so recurring that I have to wonder if everyone with BC gets them.

My top two are:

1.  You are so positive!

2.  You really have the face for short hair.  I could NEVER pull it off.

Does anyone else get these?

If not, what are yours?

TonLee

Oh and of course the...

"BC?  I'm sorry to hear that.  Are you cured?"

chrissyb

and then you get

 'but you look so well!'

sewingnut

"did they get it all?"  because I look so good......

TonLee

Chrissy,

I know right?  lol

Sewingnut,

Since I didn't get a PET or any other scan when they ask me if I am cured I can only say..."hope so"  unless I'm feeling frisky..then I might say something like..."WHAT?  There's a cure for cancer?  Awesome!  Where do I sign up?!?"

buwhahahahah

chrissyb

TonLee I really get p'd off when I hear that, I also get ' you have such a good attitude to all of this'.  I always just say 'it is what it is so what's the use of fretting over it when I can't change a thing'.  It tends to shut them up or change the subject as they have no come back for that.

Love your last comment.......hahahaha!

SpecialK

Here are mine:

1.  During chemo I got - "you look so great, no one would ever know..." which I interpreted as , crap this is what I look like all the time?

2.  "I could never have gotten through everything you have..."   My question to them was always what is the alternative?  You do what you have to do.

3.  "How do you keep your house so clean when you are so sick..."  That one was from people who came over to bring me stuff.  After that I felt guilty like I was not so helpless that I needed them to bring anything - which I didn't - they wanted to because it made them feel better!  Arggg!

Faith316

The one that gets me the most is ............ having a positive attitude is half the battle!

I always want to ask, "So, all the people who die from cancer don't have a positive enough attitude???"

BarbaraA

I got "but you're cured now, right?" ARGGGHH!!

TonLee

SK,

The house cleaning thing.  I did that too, but no one noticed because no one offered to make me meals!!  They all assumed I could handle it.

And I did

Still ~sniff~ a few meals woulda been nice.

Chrissy,

Good attitude shmat-itude.  I think that is probably the most used line EVER.

Barb,

I know, right? 

In all honesty, I didn't know jack about BC before my diagnosis.  I probably would say something worse if I knew someone with it.

But I was the first person I knew with it.

lol

AnewBeginning

The is best was.....and your still smoking?????

TonLee

Smoking.....that's a hard one...never done it myself, but I understand it is a beast to stop.

kltb04

I am smack in the middle of my neoadjuvant chemo and anytime I go out and see people I know I get - in this order - "how *are* you?" (very doe eyed with sympathetic arm touch) Followed by "well, you look great!"

I posted my avatar pic I have on here on FB just to change my profile pic - I made no comments about it, just cause I thought it was a decent pic; and people know not to discuss BC on my public wall.  I got a bazillion compliments from "you look ten years younger" to "that is the best picture you have ever posted" which all were interpreted by me to mean "nice wig."

I hear you about the meals Special K - inevitably people have brought things over during my "good week" when I am up and around and I feel guilty for not looking/feeling sicker.  And I hate the stay positive crap too.

SpecialK

I ran into trouble too with visiting my co-workers.  I had chemo/Herceptin in the building right next to my workplace - all on the same hospital campus.  I took great care to look nice when I went out, mostly for myself - because it did make me feel more normal.  What I got from my co-workers, who were honestly really great to me all through, was that I looked fantastic - why was I not back at work already?  I felt guilty so I started going to visit less frequently.

camillegal

I don't understand why people can't just say normal things to us--it's not as if we left the atmosphere and came back---But the usual and I hate it is "U look so good" Now I know how I look--I look like a dog that needs to be rescued, black eyes, skin color is different and some blotches, no eyelashes, have to fill in eyebrows, my stomach looks like I'm pregnant with a 7 yr old. and I'm all swollen (LE) with sleeves and hand puppets on and I walk like a 90 yr old most of the time. I would just prefer the old Hi, how are u---Fine thanks and U?  that's it.