40ish, Single, and Newly Diagnosed

lifechanging2011

Hi all,

I am a 48 year old woman who was diagnosed on 12/9/11. I am just starting radiation next week.  I am single and currently not in a relationship.  No children. I have family and friends who care, but basically I'm going through this survival journey alone. I'm not really happy about it, but it is what it is and right now I wouldn't know how to feel in a "dating mood". I would like to connect with others who are also working through their survival  journey alone so as to not feel so alone. Where are you in your treatment?

ma111

I am 48 single mom. Just went off all chemo due to heart and kidney problems that chemo have caused and the chemo wasn't working.

Sorry you have to put up with this crappy disease, but glad you found us. There are a lot of wonderful people on this board.

I was going to start dating again when my daughter started college which was this year, but, oh well no dating for me.

Doing it alone isn't that bad, there are a few single mom's and single people on here.

Did you have a lumpectomy that you are starting radiation already? Any chemo in the plans?

There is a thread, "finding love after treatment". However, feel free to post where ever you want to.

lifechanging2011

Hi ma111,

I'm sorry to hear about the chemo creating havoc and not working to boot.  I had a lumpectomy on 12/27. No chemo  in the plans thankfully. I didn't mean to sound that being alone was horrible. I am very independent and almost prefer to do  most things by myself. However, sometimes I think it'd be nice not to have to be so strong all the time and muddle thru to keep my life from falling apart by myself. It'd be nice to have a shoulder to fall back on. While friends and family are trying to be helpful, it's different than having that intimate connection with someone. I noticed you were diagnosed in 2009; did you have to go back on chemo after all that time?

ma111

I was only NED for 8months, so only 8 month break from it. It would be nice to have someone to fall back on and I also like being by myself most of the time. No dating in my future though.

On the boards you can be open and honest and not hide anything. That's what makes it nice. We are there and understand the worst thing you can possibly be thinking.

changes

Hello,

I was diagnosed at 47 - I'm now 20 months out from diagnosis. I am single. Although I had friends who helped out, it is a bit scary to have to handle everything on your own. Just little things, like being really tired from radiation but needing to go to the grocery. I've always been independent, so I hated asking for help. I found it helped to be really planful - like stocking up on things at the grocery, so I didn't have to go so often. Wishing you the best,

Karen

Blinx

I was diagnosed in my mid forties, single, live alone, and am now at the 4.5 year mark. Like others, I'm very independent. Having plans helps. There will be days when you are just too tired for laundry/grass cutting/snow shoveling, etc. Who here among us has not found it easier to buy new undies rather than doing another load of wash? 

When I was first diagnosed, I got lots of offers for help, but I found it very difficult to take people up on their offers. I really only leaned on my parents, but they are getting up there in years, and at some point, I really should rely more on my friends. Still, I don't.

Please take care of yourself. Indulge in as many naps as you need. Shorten your work hours, or take leave if possible.  

liv2laugh

At 41 I found the lump 12/4/11 dx 12/16/11 and had a lumpectomy 1/19/12. It was HER2+ so chemo is the next step   It has been a roller coaster of emotions. I too am single, my support network for the most part is long distance.  My friends are going to visit during chemo dates so they can help me out.  Otherwise I am on this journey alone.  Cant help but think having someone by my side would be helpful.  Thankful for the friends/family who are literally going the distance and that I found this site.

pitanga

dear life changing, I was 49 at re-dx and like you single with no kids. And it has been such an umm, handful, to put it mildly, dealing with everything, I´ve had no energy left over for thinking about dating. Estrogen deprivation does not help. I am now 51 and stable, thanking my lucky stars for that and now trying to see about getting a stable job. i wish you all the best. Lisa

sushanna1

I was 48 and single when diagnosed a little over ten years ago.  My family was 5 hours away so I pretty much did things on my own with some help from my friends.  The hardest part is learning to ask for help when you need it.  I was able to drive myself back and forth from chemo, rads, etc. but needed help getting home from multiple surgeries.  My friends were there when I needed them.  The odds are good that your friends will be there for you too.  

My heart goes out to you.  It's not easy, but you can do it.  If you feel alone, reach out to others either through a support group or on this site.  

Sue