36 years old with 9 month old baby girl, have breast cancer

Sandrap

Ladies,

I just spent the worst night of my life. Yesterday I was diagnosed with breast cancer.

We are meeting the oncologist this morning for details, all I know is what the breast surgeon reported over the phone, invasive breast cancer. I have a 9 month old daughter I am still breastfeeding.

What if it is everywhere, what if I cant do this. My daughter still doesnt sleep nights, I am up with her 3 or 4 times nightly. I am so scared this cancer is spread throughout my body. I pointed out the lump to my OBGYN at my 6 week check up, 8 months ago now but she said it was impossible that the lump got so big so fast and it was not cancer.

 I have been reading some posts on this site and it has helped but I am so scared and anticipating the worst. Please help me understand what is to come....how do I even begin to deal with this. We were going to try to have another baby in a few months...now all I can do is cry.

jdeking

Hugs, I know this is such a difficult time. In fact, I think this is the very worst part of it all.

 Soon you will have more information, and have decisions about treatment, and will begin to feel in control once more. I cannot imagine doing this with a baby, but I promise that the fear of the unknown and the treatments is MUCH worse than the treatments actually are.

I was diagnosed 3 yrs ago just before I turned 34 and did 6 rounds of TAC and 33 rads, and now take Tamoxifen. While none of it has been a party, it has all been doable and I am so happy now that it is all starting to become a memory.

 Good luck to you, and you should find much support here on the boards. Pls let us know how you are doing, and your diagnosis.

ali68

Hi, I know it's hard but one of my friends age 30 got breast cancer and she had twin girls under a year. She told me she just got on with it because she had too. She had her bad days but she was so busy with the children it flew by. I saw her last month and her kids are eleven now and she looks great.

Keep in touch this site really does help.



Alison

sewingnut

My heart goes out to you. You will get through this. This board will be a wealth of knowledge and support as you wind your way through treatment. The hardest part is just showing up....

MiniMacsMom

Its hard, and I am soo sorry you are here, but it will get better.  Best thing you can do is try not to rush any thing and get yourself to the BEST medical center you can find.  Whether is Dana farber, sloan kettering, Cleveland Clinic, MDAnderson, ect... Make it to the best!  They will make sure they don't miss anything so that you are getting the right treatment for YOU!  One of the newer things, though it can be scary is to not have the cancer removed until you go through chemo (if you need chemo).  I wish I had done that! 

With your lil girl, first step is to call your pediatrician.  Make sure they know whats going on, my Peds will now get us in at the drop of a hat, no questions asked, because my immune system is compromised on chemo.  (You may not need chemo but its still a good idea to inform your peds).  Also, feel free to talk to a child phsych.  I was terrified of damaging my son (he was older 16 mo and weened) but he is doing well.  The initial part with all the docotrs visits and baby sitters was very hard on him, but he is doing amazing now!  I am 30% of my way through chemo and he has really started to adjust and is much better about being that angel baby pre-diagnosis. 

In terms of the no sleeping, Derek did that also around 8-9mo.  My peds said it was totally fine for him to sleep through the night, so we started the "No Cry Sleep Solution".  It basically approaches the sleeping from the position of gentle weaning.  So the first night, each time he woke up I make him wait 15 min before I would feed him.  Then when we got closer to getting through the night without feedings I would try to not pick him up or use minimal comforting to get him back to sleep. 

I'm not gonna lie, all this SUCKS big time and the younger the baby the worse you feel about interfering with their baby priviledges and mommy time   But you WILL get through it and she will be fine.  We are here for you and gather your friends and family to help as much as they can!  PM me anytime with questions!  I am not sure where you live, but I live in KY and travel to MDAnderson in TX for my primary oncology care If you ever need to talk....

BTW, I am 28 now and my son is 18mo and thriving, there is hope!  Also check out Young survival Coalition for other moral support with young women with cancer. 

Faye33

Oh Sandrap, I am so sorry you are going through this.  I remember those nights and those tears all too well.

I don't want to minimize what you are going through, because what you are going through is very scarey and very serious.  I was diagnosed when my youngest child had just turned a year old, and I too had lived with my lump for 8 months.  I was 33 years old.  I remember laying in bed in those wee dark hours crying because I knew I was going to be dead in 6 months and I was going to leave my four children without a mother.  That was over two years ago.  It is normal to feel these things, but the reality is and the odds are you are going to come out on the otherside of this, changed, yes, but stronger and OK.

You are in one of the toughest spots one can be right now.  You know that bad nasty cancer is in you but you don't know exactly how bad it is.  The not knowing can drive a person crazy.  It is a very tough time, but soon, you will get a specific staging and treatment will begin and you will feel like you are doing something to beat this!  It feels so much better then just sitting around waiting and wondering.

I just wanted to mention that not all medical facilities have much experience dealing with young women with breast cancer.  It is a different ball game, so to speak.  My advice would be to look around and make sure the facility you decide to do treatment with has a lot of experience with young women.  We traveled over seven hours for a second opinion, surgeries and treatment plan to find a facility I was comfortable knew how to treat breast cancer in young women (Mayo Clinic). 

Your desire to have more children needs to be addressed before you start treatment and not all doctors think that far in advance when dealing with a young woman with breast cancer.  There are options out there so it may be possible for a woman to have children after treatment, but the process has to begin before treatment, from what I understand. 

In addition, It is a good idea to have someone with you at as many doctor appointments as you can.  I was in shock for a long time and just attended doctor appointments because that is what I was supposed to do.  My husband advocated for me and asked the questions I was too in shock to even think about.

Hugs to you and please keep us updated!

apple

oh bless you.. it is soooooooo darn hard at the beginning to not become overwhelmed with the fear of looming demise.  Fact is, breast cancer is treatable.  Wishing that your coming days treat gently.. If you are totally overwhelmed, do discuss antidepressants with your doc, if that does not interfere with breast feeding.. it sux doesn't it?

Sandrap

Thank you for your envouraging comments. They help a lot. right now my biggest fear how spread out into my system the cancer is. I live in Canada and thought the appointments would be far apart and long to get but I am thrilled to see the speed at which we are being cared for. Appointements are being booked for the upcoming 24 hours and we have a good Dr with experience in caring for young women.

 Like you all said, this waiting game is the hardest and dont know how I will be able to deal if this comes back Stage IV.

Sandrap

MiniMacsMom, how did you deal with not being able to have more children? My husband and I were going to try having another baby in the months to come.

ILBoysMom

I am 39 with three boys under 9.  It is like getting hit by a train, and then getting caught up in a tornado of diagnosis, fear, and the unknown.  In my experience, once the diagnosis is complete and you know what you are dealing with, you can focus and do it.  Right now, just focus on the next step, stay on top of your appointments, and ask questions.  Make a short list of people you can truly rely on to help with childcare for all of these appointments.  It's hard as moms to ask for help, that was one of the hardest things I had to face.

pejkug3

You are at the hardest past of this journey right now - all the unknown and all the what ifs keep you up at night and you look at that sweet baby girl and just lose it.

It gets better.  I promise.  I was diagnosed one year ago tomorrow.  I have four kids and I was 35 at diagnosis.  I did 6 rounds of TCH, a year of Herceptin (one dose left!) and 33 rads.  Started taking Tamoxifen in September and I have no side effects other than a random warm flash here and there.

The whole ride has sucked but it was doable.  You can do this.  You have no other choice.

I lost a daughter at 9 months old after a drowning accident.  She was a nursling at the time.  My heart goes out to you trying to wean.  Ugh.

Put your head down and plow through the next year or so.  And don't torture yourself with 'what if"...you will know soon enough exactly what you're facing.  And it is easier to fight the devil that you know than the one that you don't.

<hug>

Sandrap

Thank you all

BelaT

I hope you find strength in smething, friends, partner, and your daughter. God bless, I can imagine your pain. i m so sorry

Lisa75

I'm 36 as well, but no children. I was shocked at my diagnosis, but have found this site to be a great source of information and comfort. All I did the first night after the Dr provided me with my prognosis was google all the terms, treatments and get an idea of what to expect.

Racy

Sandrap, this site is an excellent source of information and support, as you have probably found already.



Make sure you get a copy of your pathology report. There are many different forms of BC and the details of your specific diagnosis will guide the aporoach to treatment for you. There is info on this site to help you understand the pathology of your tumour and all about treatment options.



You can also connect with others with a similar diagnosis and treatment plan to share information and experiences.

sundermom

Hang in there. It does get easier after finding out what your treatment plan is going to be. I was diagnosed at 37 and am a mom to five little ones that were 10,8,7,5 and 3 at the time. I also work as an elementary principal. I had a BMX, chemo and rads and now take Tamoxifen. One step at a time - that's the best way to make it through. My kids were definitely a source of support for me through treatments and I was determined to have BC affect their lives as little as possible.

mks16

Hi Sandra!

 I am in Canada as well, and my name is Sandra although I am two years older than you, 38.

You already got some very good advice from the kind ladies here. I wanted to tell you that my younger sister has felt 2 lumps in her breast and felt them growing for about 9 months before finally making an appointment with her family doctor.

As it turned out, she had three different tumours (although she only felt two lumps), they were all aggressive, grade 3, but none of it spread to her lymph nodes nor anywhere else, so even nine months later, she was still stage I.

Don't despair, for all you know, yours too was found early enough.

usafmom

Sandra,



Just wanted to let you know that we are here and thinking about you. This site is such a wealth of knowledge but it is also a huge comfort. You will find ladies in your similar position and when you know treatments..we can help there too. Just remember to breathe right now and this is part of the hardest time when you first get DX. Try to keep positive..I know it is hard but your little one needs you.

JoanQuilts

I am so sorry you are going through this - it is frightening for you.  I was in a similar situation,  I was diagnosed with Stage 1 breast cancer when I was 34 and my son was 9 months old.  Never having known anyone who had ever had bc before, I was absolutely terrified.  I had a lumpectomy, radiation and chemotherapy.

As you get more information and feel more in control,  it will become easier to deal with what you must do.  I was cancer free for 19 years - long enough to raise that baby to a now 20 year old college student and to adopt our second child, now 11 years old.  While I was recently diagnosed with a new cancer and am undergoing treatment, it is even smaller than my first cancer and I am going to live long enough to see my grandchildren - maybe even my great-grands?

Contact The Young Survival Coalition (youngsurvival.org) where you will meet many other young women in your shoes.  And try not to jump to conclusions about how far the cancer has spread.  Only the pathology report can tell you that.  I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.  Please contact me if you would like to chat privately.   Joan

crystalphm

So much good information from others, I am just sending you gentle hugs.....

MiniMacsMom

How did I deal with the baby thing.  It varies from day to day.  A lot of it depends on your cancer, how advanced, if its ER pos... ect.   We made the decision not to have more kids, though some doctors support it after two years on tamox (if you are ER/PR+) and it was really hard.  I thought I was ok with it, but there are days I look at babies and get really sad and jealous.  BUT its more important to be here with the baby I do have.  If having another baby could jeopardize the time I have with Derek, to us its not worth it.  I just get to be a wonderful Aunty to all my little friends babies   Maybe someday soon they will find a better solution to BC treatment and my hubby and I will change our minds.  Overall, focus on what you have.  You have a great hubby, a beautiful baby and all the other great things.   Find out all of your info, and that last test will suck.  My PET scan was my last diagnostic scan and I was piss-my-pants terrified, but its normal.  And no matter what stage you are, women who are DX today are surviving much much much longer than women even 5 years ago.  Definately, though, until you get through the beginning DX part don't visit the stage IV forums or Pallative care or the angels forums.  As amazing as those women are, it can seem overwhelming!!! Big Hugs!