tears when the ball dropped in ny

carcharm

I have so much anxiety and fear about 2012. Funny things have been happening to my body that make me question if I have mets. All I could think about last night as the ball dropped  is this the year that I find out my end  is beginning? I am in such a gloom and doom funk. I am working on being 3 years out but I have breast pain, neuropathy, and lately my hands are clumsy and weak. I am seeing my onc this month but I almost throw up at the thought of getting scanned. 3 Close relatives were dx with stage IV cancer of different primaries in december which puts my depression in the toilet. I try to stay focused on getting my 17 year old to age 18 this year and finishing up high school next June. I want to see that so bad. I hate my job after I put myself thru college to get a better paying job. Now all I want to do is stock shelves in a store or be a wallmart greeter. Is anyone else as down as me? I want to be upbeat but I'm scared. They Myan calendar ends 12/21/11 so will we all end? thanks for listening to me rant.

christina1961

I hope you are feeling better before too long.  I understand fear, anxiety, and worry - I spend much time there myself-- and I am also looking for a career change- I've been afraid to be hopeful enough of getting through this to make a decision that involves life ahead but I have decided to live as if I'm going to live, if that makes sense.  I've made an appointment with the plastic surgeon for reconstruction and I'm looking into going back to school part time (while working full time) so I can get out of a career that has become extremely stressful during the past few years. You may have already considered this, but could your symptoms be from carpal tunnel syndrome or from taking AIs (if you are on them)?

Nel138281

carcharm,

I hear you. I have managed pretty well lsince my dx in Spetember, but these last few weeks I have been in a major funk.  So I hear you.  Difficulty getting myself to the place where I can be positive about a year from now.   I have an 18 year old who willnot graduate fromhigh school until a year from now (somemajor bumps in the road!!)   and I certainly want to be here for that as wellasother graduations, weddings grandchildren in the future, just having trouble getting my head aound a positivre outcome.  I think it is the timeof year, endings and beginings and hope that it will pass soon.  I am trying to use all the tricksI have up my sleeve to move foward. 

Congratulations on being almost 3 years out.  I pray things go well with the oncologist and am sure they will.  Once down this road we worry about every twitch or twinge we probably never even noticed before.  My goals,breathe and laugh

Be well

Nel

carcharm

Thanks Christina 1961 and Bel-It's hard to get out of this hole. I wondered if I had carpal tunnel because I do work on a computer all day long. I have been trying different antidepressants but because of the holiday the doctor's office hasn't returned my calls about the problems I have getting the script filled. It would probably help alot if I could get back on something that works.

kingjr66

CarCarm:  I too am a believer in 12/21/12.  Fear not, our heath is more important than the supposed end of the world.  You need to concetrate on you and only you.  Your mind has such healing power but the only way for it to work is to think positive.  Years ago I had such bad pain from back and neck problems.  I have fibromyalgia and a sleu of other medical problems.  Then the breast cancer.  What more can go wrong with my body.  But the one thing that is not wrong is my mind.  I can tolerate my pain and have overcome my fear of my cancer.  You can overcome so much if you see to the future.  Relax your mind.  Look up breathing and relaxation techniques.   They do help.  One great technique is to picture yourself near a stream of fresh cooling water, and you let that cool water wash over you, let it wash away your cancer and all your worries.  Take deep breaths in and out and let it all wash away.  Let your mind heal you.

carcharm

I was told by my doctor to do breathing exercises. I will try this. tks1

dragonfly55

I was just in Riviera Mays and talking to a native about Mayan calendar. He asked when my birthday was. I said Dec. 21, end of world. He said on that day the world will change, not that it was the end. A sign of hope.



May you get some relief from your pain and some peace in your thoughts. I'm sure you are not alone in the way you are feeling. I fairly new here and have experienced so many emotions and fears. I have read posts by women whose emotions are from high to low.



The New Year brings up many emotions as it is a time we think of the future. We make resolutions, think of our Health, family, finance, etc. They say you get rid of bad/old and bring in good/new. Some of us carry over some bad that we want to improve.



I hope things go well with the onc. Wishing you improved health, happiness and hope for the future.

carcharm

thank you dragonfly55