Employment during treatment...

mts12

Hello,

     My girlfriend was diagnosed with stage 1 breast cancer back in August.  She had a bilateral mastectomy with reconstruction in September.  She started chemo towards the end of October, was in the hospital twice for a week at a time in November; once for infection from chemo, another for infection in port.  We are both 29 years old and in a lot of debt from our education.

     Long story short: After graduate school, my girlfriend moved in with her mother.  Her mother is an alcoholic and does a lot of coke, so upon diagnosis family finally bent and she moved in with her father to be closer to treatment, closer to me, and out of horrible environment, though it wasn't easy for her father because he's got a full house and a girlfriend who makes everything difficult.  Lives at her father's but she doesn't really have her own room, unfortunately I live with my mother who also makes everything difficult, and with the economy it's nearly impossible to afford an apartment with our current financial situation.

     My girlfriend is on Medicaid, and the only job she could find is two days a week, 1 hour commute each way, and if she works more/makes more money she will lose her Medicaid.  She got that job right before she was diagnosed, and before that she was working at an internship that ended.  I am a graphic designer and work fulltime for a few years now after having been unemployed for a whole year, I am mr. fix it in the house, I pay for my truck and I am diabetic with medical expenses and other debts and responsibilities.  Considering the economy, I/we are constantly searching jobs and/or a better financial situation, but her job is the best she can do/find at this point and so far all her healthcare seems in order going smooth all things considered.  She didn't want to keep that job when she moved to her fathers because of the draining commute while going through chemo, but her father agreed to pay for her gas for the commute if she kept at it, so she does/is the best she can.  Her current job is understanding and flexible with her situation.

     Now, things are more tense where she lives, her father's gf does not want either of us at the house, my mother isn't too welcoming, her brother is a drug addict, her father is in a difficult situation with everyone he loves basically and he's frustrated, annoyed, pissed off, and blowing steam everywhere.  He is now trying to get my girlfriend/his daughter to work more/get a fulltime job and encouraging her to pursue waitressing in hopes that she will work more/make more money with tips and possibly still qualify for her Medicaid, so we can move out sooner.  We both search and apply to jobs everyday, no responses and our parents' generation just does not understand how this economy is affecting our generation in the job market.  He also encourages us to hang out with her drug addict brother to help him out or be a positive influence, BUT I/we no longer want to be around her brother because he's a disgusting mess who has stolen some of her medication... Going back to the waitressing possibility, my gf and I feel that that doesn't seem like a solution while going through chemo because; a) can't find that job and not looking hard for that (for reasons explained ahead->) b) being around too many people/germs with a lowered immune system = not good, already had two infections after the first or second session.  c) we do NOT know if that's going to be more money, probably more hours more work for the same result as her current job, seems irresponsible to jump ship on a job that is working with her cancer situation.  d) she waitressed all through grad school, rushing/running around long nights doesn't seem to be possible or healthy with how weak chemo can/has made her at times.  e) doing so might make her unreliable to that waitressing job in which case she'd be let go pretty easily, etc....

     I plan on having a discussion with her father soon (possibly tomorrow) just to communicate these things so that I and all of us can have a better understanding.  I feel that I can talk to him about that stuff and I feel that I should be able to because I care and I love his daughter.  The pressure he is putting on this is not helping or benefitting anyone, especially his daughter and she tries to communicate this to him every time but it doesn't really sink in.  I, of course, am not digging into anyone's business or stepping on toes, but communication/understanding/solutions need to be made because everyone is miserable... 

     So I was wondering if anyone at all can shed some feedback on this situation.  I also wonder what, and how, women with breast cancer are doing while maintaining employment.  I know it affects everyone differently, but what I've described can't be "unheard of", right?  My endocrinologist had breast cancer, she went to parttime for a while and took necessary time off, I went almost a whole year without seeing her because of it.  No doubt that it affects being able to work, so if ya got a job situation that is productive and better than nothing, why bother changing it? especially if no one is certain. 

     I look forward to and greatly appreciate all and any information/response.  Thank you. 

SunnyCoconut

Hi - Sorry to hear about your situation.  Luckily, I have a sit-down all day desk job, but I still took off Thurs, Fri and Mon after each treatment.  I was a waitress in my 20s for a while and I can not imagine how horrible that would be during chemo.  I had days during chemo that I did not get out of bed except to go to the bathroom.  My body was so stiff and sore on the other days, waitressing would be the last thing I would want to do.  I hope everything works out for you two.  It sounds like a lot of stress from all angles.  I wish you both the best in the future!

ladyboss1997

I worked full-time through my entire treatment. I had a lumpectomy in June 2011, then had to have it re-excised the next week. I took 3 weeks off work for that. I did 4 rounds of chemo beginning on 7/14/11. Each chemo was on Thursday. I took Thursday-Friday off and went back to work on Monday. After that I did 6-1/2 weeks of radiation. I worked 8 hours each day prior to going to the hospital for radiation. Now I am done with treatment, and getting stronger every dayl!  

beccasgm

I also worked through chemo but was fortunate to have a good job when diagnosed. My company was also very compassionate and worked with me through it. I too would do chemo on Thursday and return on Monday (every other week).

You mentioned you are a graphic designer. Can you make extra income by doing freelance on the side? I used to do some crowdsourcing work just to keep my skills up as I am an Art Director and didnt do a lot of design work(more supervision of freelancers). It is not guaranteed income as it is a contest but I was able to make a bit more money on the side and build my portfolio.

What type of graphic design work do you do? We are aways looking for freelancers during busy times and the going rate is 35-60 per hour based on experience.

You can also submit your portfolio to sites that look for work for you. Getgraphicartistjobs.com is one  that I use when looking for freelancers.

mts12

I do try for freelance work but it's pretty difficult, atleast in CT it is.  The "contest" is often too many non-profit hours too.  Unfortunately my education didn't cover web design, so that's been preventing me from a lot of jobs, and I'm in too much debt to go back to school.  i am slowly getting into online classes and tutorials to help to step up my game, as things are getting slow at my job.  I currently work fulltime for a screenprinter and do other print based media.  I am a musician and I also do instrument repairs/modifications, I also build guitar effects pedals and apply art to them, got some freelance gigs through that, and might get more gigs doing that pretty soon, but people have been slow and shaaaaaady lately.  Once I get more knowledgable in web design I'll have a website up to advertise my design/art/music skills for more freelance gigs, which was actually my goal for last years new years resolution haha but then things got crazier/harder/priorities shifted... hard to say when that will actually happen.

beccasgm

I would also see if there is any assistance through the Komen foundation. Best of luck to you and your girlfriend. She's doesnt needs anything but support right now. My prayers go out to you both.

Fearless_One

What a terrible environment for her  - I am very sorry to hear about this.   If it's any consolation, I worked full-time through chemo, only taking off a day here and there.   The longest I ever needed off at one time was after my mastectomy, and I was back to work in three weeks.

I think she should finish treatment and then focus on a full-time job (with health insurance).  Maybe she could do temp work or something in the meantime - waitressing is awfully hard, physically.   She has GOT to get out of that environment - and so do you, yours sounds bad, too. Even if you guys just rent a studio apartment together - you have to do what you have to do.  If rents are too high in your city, move.     But for now, she needs to stay focused on treatment.

lauri

How about a barista job at Starbuck's (or a similar job that has group health insurance for over-half-time workers ?)  You're on your feet, but not carrying heavy trays.

mts12

Thank you for all the feedback.  I can assure you that all and any job "things" to look into have been done already, and will continue.

Update: So my girlfriend ended up finding/getting a waitressing job at a local diner.  She seems to like it and it's a pretty calm place so she feels alright doing that.  Her father is basically kicking her out way sooner than he said/we anticipated, because his girlfriend is a royal b*tch and wants her out.  I'm probably getting out early from work today in which case I'll take advantage of that to go to her father's work and speak with him for a little bit to touch base on all this.  I'm just really troubled as to how to approach this so that everyone is cool/content.  He has been helpful during this time, but he tends to try to manipulate situations by "lighting fires" in places and it's rather passive and widens the platform for drama.  I am wicked pissed off because I can't believe it's all come down to this and no one seems to give a sh*t that she is going through chemo and she is now working two jobs, which is basically/almost fulltime hours now.  I think he's gonna be pissed at me for not having been able to move out sooner myself, but that's the hand I was dealt so be it and if moving out was possible at any point sooner it would've happened already; it hasn't been a choice.  We just got over the holidays and before that my girlfriend wasn't working when she got diagnosed, and before that her mother was taking the little money she had, so I was pretty paying for everything we did/needed.  We're over that hump and now I can start saving more and we just need more time to save, and my girlfriend isn't even halfway through treatment.  I'm angry. I don't have a good feeling about the conversation I will have with her father, eventhough I need to do it.

ICanDoThis

If your girlfriend is still in active treatment, since you are both under 30, have you ever heard of the Pink Daisy Project?

It provides some financial assistance for women under 40 who are in the sort of situation you are in.

Food gift cards, housecleaning services, perhaps help with the rent.

Hope this helps

Chickadee

Mts12 you are describing a very volatile situation. One that can't have any kind of pleasant outcome for sure. Im not in the situation but if I were I'd do anything I could to find an alternative and I would engage in no more discussions. I'm so sorry you both find yourself in this mess.

mts12

Conversation went well. He's pretty set-in-his-ways about some things, but he also has very real and valid concerns. It is a very complicated situation, and my girlfriend is capable of making it less complicated but for whatever reason is choosing not to to some extent. Im at the breast care center now and apparently theyre postponing her treatment till her blood counts are better/her living situation improves. The three of us plan on having a serious conversation on friday night, which i think will/should go well. But my gf has alot of misdirected resentment towards her father, i just hope everyone can keep their cool. Everyone keeps changing their tunes, but mine hasnt changed and is on constant repeat. Sh*t is crazy.