Horrible Christmas time

Anonymous

Need to rant.  My son & daughter, both well into adulthood, fought, physically on 23rd.  Both had been drinking & my daughter received quite a few kicks to the head.  She is recovering now & although her bruises are fading her anger is mounting.  She includes me as a target for her anger now.  I live with her & she was a precious help to me when I was very ill for a long time.  Both her & my son drink a lot & this isn't the first time they have come to blows.  

I can't bear how they are tearing each other apart.  Violence, both physical & verbal, seems to be their only way to communicate.  I can't stop crying, wish I was dead, wish I'd never taken treatment, can't see the point of having had regression & being stable since October.  What the ****'s the point.  When my daughter (bipolar sees me crying she gets angry again.  Life's a bitch. 

iLUV2knit

Christmas time can bring many feelings out in people...sometimes making them behave very badly.   Just take a step back and realize it is NOT your fault that they physically fight.  They are adults and need to be responsible for their own behaviors and they need to quit blaming you for something you had no control over!  Stress is the worst thing for you. 

Remove yourself from them until they can be a positive in your well deserved LIFE.  Live, honey, live...!!  dance, sing, and be happy.  Don't let them steal your thunder.  They may be your flesh and blood and there is just nothing better than our children, but sometimes they just need some tough love.  The saying goes " if mama ain't happy....then ain't no one happy"

((((hugs coming your way))))  hang tough!!

barbe1958

Aw, sweetie, that's a bitch!!! Have you considered AlAnon where you are there, in the proper group, for support from the whole disease? There is no need for you to be dragged into their disease except for the fact that you live with your DD!!! Do you have to live there for financial reasons?? Is there any chance that you can go somewhere else when the drinking starts?

With love and hugs,

pj12

Dear jac,



I am so sorry that you are being torn apart by your children. I think Barb's suggestions are right on.



Sometimes we have to give up the fantasy of the perfect Christmas and make the best of what we have. Next time can you plan a trip, even a visit with a distant relative or an old friend who might be alone? If leaving town is not possible, how about volunteering with some organization for that day, maybe a nursing home or homeless shelter. That would get you out of the house on a day that kind of dictates family interaction. And you might meet someone in a similar situation to befriend. "Acting out" by adult children often has its roots in the mistaken grudge that "mom liked you better." If you aren't there to be expected t o take sides they might get along better. And obviously, being there is not preventing anything.



As for right now... Instead of allowing them to be mad at you, YOU have every right to be mad at them! Equally! Instead of being sad, muster up some anger and disgust. You may not be able to say the angry words in your heart, obviously they both have a violent streak and you don't want to putt yourself in danger. But removing yourself from the turmoil, either literally or figuratively, sends a message. AA for families could help you, I think.



Finally, every family has its angst and baggage. Don't feel alone. You have the love and support of your BC sisters!

flannelette

I noticed something in your letter in the last line - your daughter(bipolara...) Is she bipolar? All this anger - is she bipolar and in a manic phase? thus the drinking, fighting and abuse. If manic, that means she's not on meds. In that case, she has to get on a  mood stabilizer asap. If no doctor, then the ER of a hospital - if she will go. there is absolutely no reasoning with a manic person. They have no idea what they're doing and no idea of what they're doing to you...and you are on the receiving end of massive abuse, which is terrible.

 Please excuse me if I'm getting it all wrong - there is nothing you can do until she gets medical help. Phone her doctor or an ER and ask what to do.

Arlene

Anonymous

Thanks ladies.  I've now become angry.  Written to her psch & started looking for somewhere else to live although it will be very difficult financially both for her & for me.  Still can't stop crying but I'm fired by the anger now.

Thanks again - Jeannie 

Anonymous

Daughter went back to ER this morning as her eye problem got quickly worse since the agression & the opthalmo treatment hasn't worked.  Well she couldn't get to the hospital as someone has cut her tyres & scratched the bodywork badly.  She has to make a police complaint at the police station where one of her agressors is an officer.  The head officer of the station deals with complaints against police officers.  She's scared to go there in case the agressor is there.

I feel like dying now, no wait for a long drawn out end.  I thought things couldn't be worse then they were. 

flannelette

jac53 - I've been trying to follow your story - what is the aggression against your daughter and why is one of them a police officer? I can't figure it out. is your daughter manic and psychotic? What is killing you is your daughter's behvaiour, not the bc about which you say nothing. All this craziness will continue until something's done about her. I'm sorry you have to use up what energy you have dealing with this complete fiasco. I wish you could call the police, take her to the ER and have her shot up with olanzapine and kept there till she's able to function without creating chaos. Who is helping YOU? I'm so sorry, a manic person creates hell on earth and you have to figure out some way to look after and protect yourself. Do you have a therapist connected to your own dr's office where you can seek help? You cannot handle this alone!

gporgie

May I just add.... I see one huge similarity about dealing with Cancer in your life and drink in your loved ones ! ... You have no control over either , I live with both of these two troble makers in my life and I live it - One day at a time .... as for your two offspring - Tell them, lovingly that your considering  Christmas in Hawaii next year being spent without them LOL!!