BRCA+ and NO Relationship...

MiniMacsMom

So I am BRCA 2 + and my mom wants to wait to tell my older sister.  I am nervous about doing that as I think she needs testing.  I am 28 and stg 3 ER+ Her2- BC.  My mom is worried about how being BRCA+ might affect my sisters ability to find a partner.  She is recently divorced and "fragile" I guess (we are not close).  Any advice...

AnacortesGirl

My advice is tell her about your mutation and let her decide.  My daughter was 28 when I came back positive.  Initially she was wanting to get tested right away but then she backed off and still hasn't been tested.  Her concern right now is that it might adversely affect her application for permanent residency in Canada and she didn't have a regular job at the time.  As much as it bothered me that she wasn't getting tested, she did get enrolled into the high risk survelliance group and that made me feel much better.  I'm OK with her decision now.  She'll do it when she is ready.  My feeling is that we tell our relatives and support them with their personal decision.  But we need to respect them and let it be their decision, not ours.

Momine

I think you should go ahead and tell your sister. She ought to get tested, and she may be clear after all.

faithhopenluv

I am 41 and needed to tell my 44 year old sister. It wasn't easy, but all I could do is tell her what I knew and encourage her to learn more and make her own decision. For me, it means I will aggressively fight this w chemo and preventative surgery - for her it may mean she gets tested or maybe not. But what it does is bring awareness and she will be diligent with screens and tests. That is the most important aspect of knowing that you are high risk. Best to you, you will make the right decision.

QuinnCat

I found out about my BRCA2 status a few weeks ago via my own blood test, so I am left with telling the relatives. In the process, I found out one of my cousins had breast cancer a couple of years ago and I didn't know this.  She never got tested...not sure if that's because she is in the Canadian system or just didn't want to know (both of our mother's had BC).   I thought, only if I had known of her cancer, I may have been tested and prevented this breast cancer I now have or atleast would not have skipped my mammogram last year!  Likewise, I did feel horrible having to tell her, but I think I would feel worse not telling her.

BTW, I was surprised how devastated I was at this news, almost more so than finding out I had breast cancer.  Every piece of bad news like this is scary, but once one is empowered with the knowledge, they can make possibly life saving decisions.  I think if one is faced with possibly "saving their life" versus "finding a partner," things just get put in perspective.  Your sister may already be worrying about her status given your situation.  She might be negative..she has a 50/50 chance afterall.