January 2012 chemo

denjak

DianeNMil- You are headed for Rads? Do you mind me asking why? it looks like your nodes were clean,yes? This disease has so many nuances....

NancyHB- Yes I would join you in some tea, but I too couldn't walk to the table because my first Taxol still has me unstable!!  Balls of feet--where are they? No feeling. About to lose two big toe nails. Haven't worn regular shoes at work in weeks...Bless my coworkers for ignoring this.

 Ladies...headed to #3 of 4 Abraxane tomorrow....almost done with this Chemo!!!! HANG IN....sending hugs to all.

KristinFro

Had Taxol #10 yesterday. I think I'm glad I do this weekly, from what it sounds like the DD girls have way more pain. I only had pain with Taxol the first week, which I think was a loading dose. Other than that, I don't have pain. Just a lot of fatigue. And nose bleeds. And yes, the crankys.

Today marked my halfway through the 'weeks' of treatments (20 weeks, but 16 treatments). 2 more of Taxol, then on to bi-weekly AC. I'm so freaked about AC... 

Off to look for a new pair of black jeans today while the steroids are still raging through me and while it's nice outside. I have a busy week next week. A romance writer's convention (I'm an author ) where my pub is having a big party the first night. I even bought a new scarf for the occasion. Deciding between that and my wig and sucking it up and going bald. I guess I'll decide when the night gets here! 

Kelloggs

Kristin - you're a romance author?  I'm a big fan of romance books.  What have you written so I can check it out!?

KristinFro

Kelloggs, I'll PM you

JoyceNYC

Hi ladies, hanging in here and trying to survive tx #5.  The diarrhea has started again and I'm waiting for the bone pain from the Neulasta to hit tomorrow.  I am so over all of this -- and don't know how I'm going to make it through this cycle and one more after. 

NancyHB

I am so grateful every moment of every day for each of you, being here, understanding, listening.  It's so helpful that I don't have to explain things in words that others can understand - you already know what I'm saying.

My husband is running friends with a young lady who is a fourth-grade teacher.  Yesterday, a box arrived on our doorstep filled to the brim with hand-made Valentine's day cards for me, from her students.  Each one made me a card filled with love, hope, encouragement, and joy.  Some told me to "never give up;" one hoped they "found something for that cancer thing;" another told me to "live my life and be happy."  

I've never felt such joy in my life, wrapped in the words of children who have never met me.  Cancer sucks - but sometimes, the love that comes out of it can change a life.  It certainly has mine.

Love to all of you, too.

miniwheat

Nancy:  So sweet that they did that for you.  Yesterday my son came home from kindergarden and pulled a crumpled up card from his book bag.  He said it was from a little girl in his class.  She drew the breast cancer ribbon and wrote at the bottom in big odd shaped letters "I support you".  I was so touched by this.  I don't even know this little girl and she reached out in such a beautiful way. 

Hugs to all

NCbeachgal

NancyHB-if you have china that needs to go, check the pattern at a place called Replacements. Google it and you should find it. It's a NC company that buys and sales china. They have various pieces of thousands of china patterns for sale. It could be a way to pick up some easy cash.



Char-I see that same cancer patient in the mirror. I also see Kojack, Yule Brenner, Olympic swimmer, and if my ears stick out just right, I see Dopey-the silly dwarf that hangs with Snow White. I hate being bald. It just makes me look sick on an otherwise "feel good" day.

NCbeachgal

Nancy HB and mini wheat-from the mouths of babes...your stories about these children are very touching. Thanks for sharing.

Kitchenella

I'm smiling.

Janetanned

Nancy and Miniwheat - How wonderful!  The cards made me smile! I used to love when my own came home with cards for Mother's Day.  They were always so cute.  Hallmark couldn't touch them!

What a great idea NCBeachgal!  I've checked their stock from time to time.  My everyday china is also my good china, so I check ebay and other sources when looking for pieces.  We've also considered selling my MIL's china, which I won't touch!  Way too fancy and delicate.  I would break a piece just looking at it.

Friday was taxol tx #3 for me.  One more to go.  I've been very fortunate with this tx.  The SEs haven't been too bad.  Sat was fine, Sun was a day of rest, Mon the fatigue and mild bone pain set in, and today was better.  I made myself go out in the car. I tried to get some errands run since i'm on spring break.  As long as I walked slowly and took short breaks, I was able to get some shopping done.  Of course, I needed to rest when I got home, but that's okay.  I found that if I take an ativan at night, I can sleep pretty well.  My appetite has been really wonky! All of a sudden I like spicy things.  Very weird!

I made an appointment to meet with my RO in two weeks.  I met with him in Dec for an initial consult.  Now its time to get the rads scheduled.  I think I'm looking at 33txs. I also have an appointment to meet with the genetic counselors on Friday.  We will look at my family tree and then get some blood drawn.  Meet again in 5 weeks to discuss outcome of the testing.

Is anyone making plans for the summer?  The closer I get to finishing this stuff, the more I feel that I can actually plan things again.  Nothing too exciting mind you. But I think I need to have something to look forward to. We usually don't travel much and my 3 kids no longer have any interest in going to the beach as a family. So I'll probably focus on the house.  I like to redecorate during the summer (I have off).  Maybe I'll do something with the family room.  My DD wants to have a big yard sale.  That might get me to clean out the basement.

Hope everyone has a good week, with no unmanageable SEs!.

Momof2inME

I have been feeling really alone lately. Each taxol is getting harder and harder to get through. So reading through the past couple pages makes me truly realize I am not alone. I wish I could hug all of you individually. So thank you all for continuing to share.

For me the side effects keep piling on. Just when I think I can handle them, here comes a new one setting up camp in my body. The bone pain was beyond comprehension this past weekend. The nightsweats started about 10 days ago and then the hot flashes started last Friday. Well, those just suck!!  Not something I expected to be having at 37. I feel like I owe my mom and aunt great big hugs. They have complained about hot flashes for a couple years but I could not relate until now. And I have several bloody noses a day. Ummm, didn't see that on the menu of side effects. In the words of my 4 year old "ugh, another bloody nose mommy, yuck"...

On the upside, I got to go for a facial and massage this morning. There is a breast cancer survivor in my area that is oncology certified for skincare and massage. She provides her services free of charge for bc patients in treatement. I think I finally slightly relaxed for the first time in 4 months. Tomorrow is T/H #5 and I am hoping I will just sleep through most of it.. Hoping everyone is coping with their own SE's as best as possible.. {HUGS}

Brooke

Jennt28

Good morning all! (I'm in a different time-zone to you) I had the bone pain again last night and am still soooo glad I took this week off work.



I have no idea how I am going to get through another 9 weeks of this and cope with work, but if I take extended leave I will lose my two projects and be allocated to something else when I go back. I've been with my projects (both renal cell cancer trials) since the beginning and don't want to lose them. For one of them our abstract has been accepted for a poster presentation at ASCO this year (my name in the author list) so this is very important to me...



I have booked a 3hr day spa today - facial, mud treatment and massage - am so looking forward to it...



Big hugs to EVERYONE in our group. Wish we could all get together in person. I'm sure it would be a great time. Hubby and I are already talking about doing France and England next year in about April. Maybe others will be doing the same :-).



luv from Jenn

NancyHB

Jenn:  It sounds like the Taxol is catching up with you a little.  I'm sorry about that - it's annoying how much treatment interferes with normalcy.  My job is through my graduate school, so if I decided to take any time off I'd not only lose my part-time job but have to take a year off school.  Sometimes it feels like it's all or nothing with this.  I literally have to take it a minute at a time some days (like today - another bad Taxol SE day where walking is almost impossible).  Would you have to take an extended leave, or can they work with you on some flexibility for the next few weeks so you can continue to remain involved in something that you've poured alot of yourself into?

England sounds lovely - if I start saving my pennies right now I might just make it next year!  

annie3310

I agree that the treatment we've all been going through for quite awhile now is gobbling up our last reserves. I have my second Taxol treatment tomorrow, and I'm resigned but horrified at the thought of more of this shit being poured into my poor body! Like Jenn, I can't imagine getting through another three DD treatments. But we will, because what choice do we have?



Yesterday I felt great, which is in keeping with my getting two days of normalcy before treatment day. But today, which should have been one of those, I crashed about 2 pm and have that same lousy chemo sick fatigue that has been my worst side effect. I know I have it better than many who suffer more, but I know also we shouldn't censor ourselves here. We're tired, on our last nerve, and in my case, I know, scared the whole thing may not be working. This whole thing requires me to operate on faith, and some days that's way harder than other days.



Time for my last supper. Pizza or spaghetti?



Annie

NCbeachgal

Annie-pizza-always go with pizza! Good luck tomorrow. I had DD taxol#3 today. I'll be flying on steroids until around Thursday.

Seagrover

I have had 9 of 12 treatments and my eyelashes started coming out today. Is this normal? Or is it possibly because I got the taxotere instead of abraxane last week? It really sucks.



Has anyone tried, I think, abagi or something like that. Supposed to make the lashes thicker. A spa near me had it. Would be interested to know if it works.

grateful33

Hello everyone

I apologize for not addressing everyone individually but the last week has been so tough! I have been catching up on the posts and I feel for everyone having bad days on the Taxol. I wish we could all get together for one big group hug.

I was supposed to have #2 dd Taxol last Thurs, but on Wed developed severe ataxia and inability to walk or balance at all. Had to walk holding on to walls or someone for fear of falling. Saw my MO that day worried it may be neuropathy of the autonomic nervous system. MO was also worried and we discussed switching to Taxotere if symptoms had not abated in a week. So today I am 80% better and go for #2 dd Taxol tomorrow. It was scary! Can't believe I have to pour more of this s*#t into my body!  Three more dd's to be exact. But then the alternative is potential future mets and I think that scares all of us the most! Like Annie and Jenn- I don't know how I can make it through to the end. Some days I do see the light at the end of the tunnel and on the bad days it seems like forever. 

Thank God I can post on here and vent. It's so hard to explain how debilitating this can be to anyone else.

Sending you all positive vibes for upcoming treatments and side effect free days

Group hug to all!

PS I vote for pizza as well!

CharB22

(((HUGS))) to everyone. I spoke to my freshman college roommate today - last week was her 10 year cancerversary!! We were able to share a lot of crappy chemo stories, but it gave me such hope. She made it through and so will I.

One thing I'm definitely doing when this is over is treating myself to a spa day!

I called my RO's office today and got my tattoo appt. May 4th is the day I'm getting marked. I always swore I'd never get a tatoo -- oh well.

Nancy and Miniwheat - those cards sound wonderful. I'm lucky enough to still have an 11 year old at home that makes cards for me. I'm looking at his Valentine's card now. It says: You are Special to Me! It's dangling off of the dining room light.

Good night all....sweet, restful dreams.

Denise-G

Hugs to all...you all made me laugh and cry tonight reading the lasts posts.  I appreciate each and every one of you so much.  It gives me the strength to keep going.  I had #6 of 12 weekly Taxols today.  Chemo nurse had tons of experience.

NEW SIDE EFFECT - FACE RASH - all over like teenage acne but nothing coming to a head. Chemo nurse said to use oatmeal/honey homemade or Aveeno oatmeal based.  She said she sees it alot with Taxol.  Anyone else had it? 

Seagrover, I told her about the error in your chemo.  She was horrified that happened to you and said it never should have happened.  The only thing she said was at least they were in the same family.

Brooke, I have nosebleeds too. Not pretty. Especially in morning.  Never had a nosebleed in my life previous to this.

NCBeachGal...I see the same cancer patient, but I see Uncle Fester from Addams Family every time I look in the mirror.  Sometimes I just crack up.  I can't believe he is in my bathroom looking back at me!  I grew up with him in the 70s, never liked him, and he's back!!!   

HUGS AND LOVE TO ALL.  WE CAN AND WILL GET THROUGH THIS!  Remember how far we have come!  That is something to celebrate! 

KristinFro

Denise, I have the acne too. All over my face, chest, back and some on my head. Sucks, big time. I use antibacterial soap on my head and acne face wash on my face and chest. I have 2 more Taxol's left. Hope it goes away after that.

Jennt28

My 3 hours at a day spa this afternoon were worth every expensive minute! I felt so "normal" and after going in feeling very ordinary I came out feeling good :-)



Just as well I had already gotten a lettervfrom my MO stating that massages are ok though because they required it after spouting the old wives tale about massages moving cancer around the body. I just couldn't be bothered trying to explain to them that I don't HAVE cancer after it was removed. Just handed over the letter and nicely told them that as a cancer clinical trial coordinator I could confirm that as an old wives tale. They were fine with the letter :-)



Jenn

NancyHB

I vote for pizza, even though I'm too late to vote.    I hope whatever you had, Annie, was really good!  And Jenn - your spa day sounds like heaven!!  I didn't know if we could have massages (I've stopped seeing my chiropractor because I can't lay on my chest to be adjusted).  My MO said no mani/pedi's, tanning or waxing (like I need that right now!)

Seagrover - I woke up to one lone eyelash yesterday!!  All through my AC tx I kept my eyelashes and eyebrows, even though they thinned a little.  And now, when I thought maybe my hair would grow back, it appears to be falling out even more.  Oh well - I'm starting to rock the Uncle Fester look pretty good these days.

I thought the three days of steroids post-tx were helping - and they were, until I stopped taking them.  I worked on Monday but honestly barely made it home (I have to drive an hour).  Got out briefly yesterday to go to the grocery store and almost couldn't drive home, then spent the rest of the day/night in bed on pain meds.  The worst SE though is the lack of balance again - like grateful I'm holding on to walls and falling into people, it's so strange!  I walk like a 100-year-old person, shuffling along because if I pick up my feet I literally fall over.  Last tx this went away around day 8 so I'm holding out hope for this weekend.

I keep trying to remind myself - only four more treatments...only four more...only four...I'm so much closer than when I started.  But some days that just doesn't seem to matter, does it?

denjak

nancy HB: your experience trying to go to the grocery store sounds just like me.I have to pysch myself up for any after work trips. I just can't do it.... I have been working thru DD A/C and Taxol and now abraxane...bedridden otherwise. I go to work. I go to bed. I fall asleep. repeat. Every day for the last 3 months.  But after my 10am today...I have only one more chemo....YES we are all step by step closer to the finish line.!!!!  Today I looked in the mirrior before shower. Bald, scars from breast reconstruction, scars from c-section 21 years ago...what a sight!!!

I hobbled into shower holding on to the walls to avoid imbalance and missteps, still cant feel the bottoms of my feet and fingers, toe nails about to die...and I thought....if I add everything up, I am a train wreck. But this is only temporary....I have sacrificed a half-year of my life to save it. Good deal in the end, yes? Yes.

Shell-Seeker

Good morning ladies, you may not remember me as I havent been on here in a while.

I check in but dont post. For some reason, I got so nauseas the last two Red Devils, I couldnt even read or write anything about chemo. I would get sick just reading or thinking about the chemo lounge.

Im on to Taxotere now. im in terrbile pain and having all kinds of SE's. They did a Taxol treatment (or attempted) last Thursday and I had a really bad reaction which they quickly got under control. It was scarry. Felt like I was on fire and itching.

Anyway, the next day they switched to Taxotere which will be every three weeks.

I start Herceptin tomorrow.

The SE's of Taxotere have been really bad muscle pain and aweful chest and throat muscle pain. Also weak and fainty at times. Almost went to emergency yesterday, saddly I was in the middle of doing a perm and had to lay back several times trying to faint and bad chest pain. I somehow finished the perm (praise God) and called my friend and the nurses. They told me to try more Pepcid and if it gets worse go to ER. It did improve and I really didnt feel it was my heart anyway because i was burping alot but it was painful.

I cancelled all work today and am in the recliner.

I have tried one Tramadol and one Hydrocone in the last two days for pain.

what do you all reccommend?

Also, has anyone had vaginal itching with this? I just soaked in the bath tub to try to help.

This is gonna be a mean drug.

God Bless all of you who have made it further.

Girls were on page 61 and we are half way through chemo.

Surely we will  make it right??

Shell-Seeker

OH yeah, the night sweats have been horrible too.

I just want to say as I read some of your stories how proud I am of you all, especially the Mom of young kids. I know this must be terribly hard. Stay strong everyone!

I dont post alot but I do check in and I pray for you all.

I wish we could have a big celebration later.

Maybe we can commit to doing this when everyone gets past chemo and radiaition.

We can designate a day when we all have to go do something relaxing and fun and then come back and share what we did.

An online party!! haha

annie3310

I had an eventful Taxol treatment day. My MO had a hard time even finding my tumor, which is a first, and when she finally did, the measurement she took shows it has shrunk to about 1cm. Up to now the progress had been slow and not that encouraging, so we're doing the happy dance over this news.



Then I went into treatment. Everything's motoring along fine, the acupuncturist is about to stick her first needle, when I suddenly felt like I'd been shot in the back. Then my whole back start spasming/cramping and it was outrageously painful. The acupuncturist ran to get the nurse, who quickly came in, disconnected the Taxol, and gave me some miracle drug that would stop the cramping "in about five minutes," she said. It might as well have been five hours. I don't think I've ever had such pain. I lay there writhing on the bed while the nurse and the acupuncturist watched me with deep furrows in their brows. Finally it subsided and then went away completely. She said that if people are going to have reactions, it's either the spasming or the respiratory thing. I got the spasming. She also said it was a one off and wouldn't happen again. I had to take her word for it as she hooked me back up to that evil Taxol.



Now I'm home, trying to think what food I want Linda to bring me for dinner. The spasms are forgotten. But I'm still very happy about the tumor shrinkage.



Annie

Momof2inME

Annie,

That is wondeful news about the tumor shrinking. At least you know now that the "evil" drugs are doing their job. 

Total crap about the reaction. You seem to have handled it well in the end. Not so sure that was what you were thinking at the time. Eat something yummy tonight. I had taxol #5 today and my high school best friend has ordered dinner for us from across the country. Gotta love technology.

Kelloggs

Annie - Oh...that IS scary!  I had the respiratory and the spasm thing during my 2nd Taxotere and it scared the crap out of me.  Glad they reacted quickly for you.  And YAY for the news of your tumor shrinking!!!

grateful33

Annie- I am so happy about the tumor shrinkage! So sorry you had to have the painful reaction. Hopefully it doesn't recur and it is just a one-off.

I also had dd Taxol #2 today. Wait and see now. Hopefully the side effects will be better this time

Denjak and Nancy- Sorry that you both have the imbalance as well. it feels so strange to constantly worry about falling but we will get through this together and celebrate in the end!

Shell-seeker- so sorry that you are having a terrible time on Taxotere. My MO said it was a very harsh drug but effective. I can't help you with what to take but pls call your MO office again so you can get some relief. Hang in there. We are all here for you

Mom of 2- enjoy your dinner!

Wishing us all minimal side effects as we get through this

Hugs