Waiting for other shoe to drop

CherylinOhio

So I am sorta newly dx, thru treatment and waiting recon.  Am trying to live my life but am waiting for the other shoe to drop. I am doing everything I can to prevent a reoccurence: tamoxifn, flaxseed, carrot juice, vitamins, fish oil, stop smoking, no more than 4 drinks a  month and exercise.  I know that we are all doing what we can and it may not even help. Somtimes I feel like I should just drink and smoke and be who I was before. What if these healthy things are not working for me? What if it comes back? This really stinks!! I feel like crying all the time but I know having a positive happy attitude is important.  How does everyone deal with this?  It does not help that i went to the cancermath site and am hoping i misread what i saw. A 40 year old with my dx has their life span shortned by 26 years? That would make me...mmm urg hate math.  That site is just awful!!

TectonicShift

On cancermath.net you have to be sure to put in the treatments that you've done. That makes things much better. I think the first screen you come to is with no treatments at all.

everyminute

All we can do is live the life we want to live.  I dont know that exercise will save my life but I feel better when I am doing something that I THINK may control the situation so whether I live 5 years or 105 years - I feel better now.  Same goes for how I eat, etc.

However I think that if you are too restrictive and it affects your overall happiness and doesnt allow you to LIVE then I would rethink things.

I, for example, would like to give up all sugar and only eat organic.  but that would be a full time job for me and I cant do it so I eat less sugar and as much organic as possible.  I dont drink, havent in years, but I know others feel the same about their glass of wine.

CherylinOhio

I dont know the drop down choices, i had taxotere and cyt something...the choices on the drop down are more medical and i dont know which to choose

CherylinOhio

Since i stopped smoking exercising is much easier and enjoyable for me. I have read many articles about exercising helps prevent reoccurence, that's all I need to hear, man I am on that treadmill!  You are right, we have to keep living and make some changes and choices but keep on living life. It's just hard sometimes, I never thougth this would happen to me. ( As I sit here typing I am getting a neck/head hotflash)  I can't give up all sugar but I eat it in moderation and do choose a salad over a burger if I go out. Ho hum... this new life is not what I would have chosen but it's the only one we have.

orlandpark65

I have been feeling pretty good emotionally.   I don't dwell on the "what if" who knows we could have a heart attack, car accident etc.   So when I get down, I think of that and I feel a little better.  My Onc told me to eat/drink in moderation, live a healthy lifestyle but he said you need to "live" and enjoy too!   So I'm going with that.   Cancermath - refuse to even look at that.   Only God knows.    I just bought some flax seed.  What do you do with it?  I just had salmon and broc for lunch.   That was a good choice.  Baby steps.    I notice when I have a cocktail I really have hot flashes so that alone is a turn off but those darn Christmas cookies........

AsiaYM

I just made a new friend and invited her to dinner at our house last week.  I casually mentioned that I had breast cancer treatment in 2009 to her and she told she had one too, it was 10 years ago.  She said, she tries to eat more veggies, exercise and little sweets, that's all. Everyone is made differently....

many

With your stays and treatment ,there are 74% chances of surviving for 15 years as per cancermath

pupfoster1

Hi Cheryl,

I'm sorry you have to be here, but glad you found us!  I can SO relate to what you posted.  Sometimes I just want to say "what the "F", if it's going to come back why am I depriving myself?"  But on the other hand, don't you feel better now that you are living a healthier lifestyle?  It is truly trying to find your "new normal".  Throw out whatever you were like before and try new, different things to make you happy.  I have done SO many fun things in the past year or 2 that I never tried before---paintball, outdoor aerial park (zip lines, etc), bought a sports car---took it to the beach for a big car show, volunteered for the Baltimore Grand Prix, went to concerts.......anywhoo, you get the idea, just try to live life to it's fullest. 

That said, there are PLENTY days where I am in a total funk.  As a matter of fact the past couple weeks have been rough.  But I keep on keeping on, you know?  One day at a time.  You can do it and we'll be here to help you along!

Keep us posted on how you are doing.

Sharon 

CherylinOhio

74% eh? Well that's not great. Or is it? I don't know, I don't think I am going to hold on to that number. (Though I do appreicate you doing it for me Many). I am just hoping to live healthy for maybe 20 more years? I hope that is not too much to ask for any of us.  I told my husband last night maybe I should go to a pyschic but what if I sat down and she says "I'm drawing a blank". That would suck!!

CherylinOhio

Orlando:  I use flax seed in my tea and in yogurt mostly. Sometimes I will sprinkle on cereal too. You can put it on anything really. It's supposed to be a good cancer fighter!! So is carrot juice, it is super good for fighting cancer cells.

jennyboog

Hey Cheryl and welcome.  We're all just doing the best we can and what we think will work, just take it day by day...none of us know.  I think that's what drives most of us crazy, we think we're in control and BC shows us that we're not.  That is hilarious about the pyschic!

vacationbound

My thoughts exactly! I just left a breast cancer forum as the women there were making me question my CAM treatment. I will post all of my info tomorrow but hang in there girl-we must follow our common sense and anaylitical judgements. (That's why God gave humans brains-to think for themselves) I shall return but just wanted to say that positive thinking does help the quality of life.

CherylinOhio

After reading some stories from the forum titled "Biographies and Inspiring stories" I felt better yesterday. Today is another day which is why I am here on this site. It makes me feel better. I feel like my body is healing and getting stronger each day.  I just hope I am helping it fight the internal battle. Am anxiously awaiting my xmas vacation from work which starts next Thursday. Normally I would go drinking and smoking with my friends, but things have changed so I will most likely havea cup of green tea and watch a movie with my friends instead. Oh well, things have to change and I will be better for it in the long run!

Racy

Cheryl, re the Cancermath, I think yours was a second generation chemo so select that option.



I recommend the book Foods that Fight Cancer. It makes sense and is doable.



It wouldn't hurt to consider counselling or antianxiety pills. I use both of those and they keep me feeling normal most of the time.



Wishing you well.

orlandpark65

I finished treatments, reconstruction, feel great.   I was on the train last night and it dawned on me, I am cancer free, why am I living(thinking) like I have cancer.  I need to put negative thoughts away and if something were to happen in the future, then I'll worry about it.   My Mother use to say "don't worry til it's time to worry".   Just a positive thought for today.  

CherylinOhio

Racy and Orland: Good posts, you are both right! We can worry about the "What if's".  I am actually getting better about that and am stating to be more positive. I feel good now, save for some residual side effects and am anxiously awaiting the arrival of my new twins.(Foobs)  I am still debating on DIEP or just having the implants for now. I am seeing new PS on the 30th and will ask about Implants and using a skin graft or Alloderm, I think that is what it is called, to replace the radiated skin.  Is that possible? Anyone, Anyone.... ha ha...

Texas357

Cheryl, first let me say that I know what you must be feeling. It's as close as many of us will get to PTSD. After 3 years, I still worry. It's never far from my conscious thoughts. But the flip side is that it's forced me to learn to live in the moment and to appreciate even the smallest kindnesses. I no longer tolerate people or things that stress me out. In those ways, my quality of life has gotten much better. Also, as others have said, you do what you can to lower your risk. Take back as much control as you possible can!

Regarding alloderm, it's primarily used to support the skin from the inside. If you spend some time on the reconstruction threads, you'll find a ton of valuable information. (I tried to do just implants after radiation but had to go back for an LD Flap procedure because my poor radiated skin just wasn't cooperating.)

CherylinOhio

Texas- I am hoping to have implants last at least thru next year.  I just don't want to wait to get my body whole again.  But I do tend to rush into things so I will see what PS says on the 30th of this month. I am hoping my skin isn't that bad. It actually looks pretty good.

that being said, I am trying to take back control.  I am tying to foget but then I think I can't ever forget because then I become complacent about my care and I can't ever let my guard down. I am plannign some vactions next year.  Want to go to Vegas, since I have never been and I like to gamble. I have stopped smoking and drinking. Ok not completely but I choose one night every 2 weeks and drink a beer and have 2 cigs. Onc says it's ok, all things in moderation.  But exercise is much easier now that I don't smoke everyday. Though I only smoke 4 a day anyway.

All we can do is our best. Though last night did not sleep well, was thinking the same old thoughts: "WTF, why, why why???"  Those times are getting fewer though.  I come to this site and read about all the ladies who are a couple and few years out NED and I know there is hope for me! I have to believe that!!

Nico1012

Bump

Momine

I have a deal with myself. If I make it to 70, I am taking up smoking and drinking again Life is always a crap shoot. A cancer DX just puts that fact in sharper relief for most people. In a way it can also be liberating, I think, because you face certain fears head on.

CherylinOhio

Touche!!!

Reality

yes, cancer math can be frustrating - I put all my teatments in and was advised that all the crap I went through only added 3.7 years to my life expectancy - not including the 8 months I already lost....I know that I am being a brat about this - I can only imagine that Stage IV people would be very grateful for 3.7 years - I know I should be, also - I really am grateful - just tired and just get frustrated....

orlandpark65

Only GOD knows our life expectancy.   No one else.   Cancermath - can't do that to myself.   I think it's cruel. 

Reality

orlandpark - yes, it is cruel and I do not plan to ever go to the site again.