Dating and Sex

mybee333

Dating and Sex

mybee333

Okay.  So......I'm not there yet......and not ready yet......but......... when I am, I am wondering how sex will be due to the lack of estrogen in my body. I take an AI (Arimidex) as many of us do, and am wondering about some technical things such as, arousal, lubrication, pain wiith intercourse, diff. achieving orgasm, (all so exciting for our male partners .  I am wondering if some of you that have started dating already might have some wisdom.  Thanks! 

Fearless_One

I wonder about the same things.   I like to think when we meet someone who we are strongly attracted to, it will happen.   We may be in chemopause, but we aren't dead!    I also think we have to be in a place in our lives where we feel attractive and good about ourselves.   I'm not quite there yet.

sweetbean

I heard the stuff to get is Scream Cream.  It's a prescription, so you are going to have to suck it up and ask your onc for it.  Thank god mine is a woman.  I'm not dating yet, but when the time comes, I may get some.  It's supposed to be AWESOME!

mybee333

What is it? Do you know?  I already know he won't do any type of vaginal estrogen supplement/ring, etc.

mybee333

Fearless- I like to think the same thing too.  That perhaps this will be a blessing in the selection process. That perhaps I will wait longer, the sex will be more meaningful and the man more mature and able to be loving and supportive.  That is the dream, in the long run. First still finding my footing, my post BC self.

sweetbean

oh, it's some sort of lubricant cream.  I don't think it has any estrogen.  Search it on the threads and it will come up, along with ENTHUSIASTIC testimonials.  

Fearless_One

I think unless a woman feels good about herself and feels sexy and attractive, no "cream" will make the sex good.   At least for me - I need to feel sexy first.  Hopefully when all this reconstruction is behind me, I will.

sam52

...and it also depends on how skilful a lover your guy is. Oral sex is a great way to get you going.If his first goal is to make you feel ready and hot, then it will be much easier and more satisfying.

I agree with you, Fearless - if a woman feels sexy , then it will all happen. I had a unilateral mast with no recon and have had no problems.I know I have been lucky to have found someone who makes me feel great and the sex is wonderful.

Fearless_One

For me, good sex and feeling loved and secure go together.   I have never been into one-nighters (although I don't judge and see nothing wrong with that).   I just prefer the feeling of being with someone I have a connection with.  

I only know I am not ready yet.   My fipples are kind of screwed up right now, but I know in time all will be fine.

mybee333

How wonderful for you! I am very happy for you. Are you taking any type of anti-hormonal?

sam52

Thank you. Yes, I took tamoxifen for 2.5 years followed by aromasin for just over 5 years.Chemo had put me into menopause, which was 3 years before I met the guy, so I did wonder if it was all still functioning. Luckily, yes!!

Fearless_One

I love hearing from women who met their SO's AFTER bc!  

sam52

It DOES happen!!  .......and I have to tell you,I was not looking for it or expecting it at that time.

mybee333

That's a good way to put it - "if it was all still functioning" Sums up my posted question exactly.

It is great to hear these stories.  Each day am loving my single life/freedom more but am hoping not to live this way forever. Guys usually do like sex and hey - so do I!

Fearless_One

I agree.   It would be incredibly naive to say that sex doesn't matter to men.   I think it matters more to them than anything.   Fortunately, as women here can attest to - there is a sex life after BC.

mybee333

Fearless - You always have such a wonderful perspective.

Fearless_One

Thank you, Mybee....but believe me, I feel like a babe in the woods most of the time.....learning every day.....

mybee333

Josiegirl

I have been on Tamoxifen for about 3 years now.  Before that I had a complete left breast mastectomy, chemo, a divorce and then reconstruction (in that order).  The Tamoxifen has caused a host of problems, one of which was pre-uterine (hemorrhaging) cancer.  So, I had to have my uterus and ovaries out as a result... it has been a fun few years... NOT!  I have been in full menopause for several years now.  I had my first boyfriend beginning in May of 2010 and we broke up in July of 2011.  The sex issue was a huge hurdle in the beginning and I think he found it a challenge.  I had to do a number of things to even consider ANY intercourse whatsoever.  It was just not going to work without help.  I had to go to my OBGYN and she gave me a script for Vagifem and I think it worked, but it took months.  We tried every natural lube we could find, did tons of research and I hate to say Girls....  my sex life will never be the same.  After months of trying we were finally able to succeed but OMG the effort it took was exhausting.  He would never admit it but I feel that is ultimately what ended the relationship-  Fun in the beginning, but way too much work and preparation over the long haul.  It is going to have to take some special guy to want to do this and I am not so hopeful these days.  My libido is non-existent, or rather buried beneath a pile of boulders and the whole 'trying to be alluring thing' in the beginning of a relationship just seems ludicrous any more.  Has anyone had any luck with any ‘tricks' or do you have a post cancer love story that might inspire some of us single one/no breasted woman out here?     

mybee333

Now THIS is my fear and makes perfect sense. After my total hysterectomy due to cervical cancer (not related to BC, mind you) intercourse became painful and difficult.  I became anxious.  That made it worse. I started estrogen replacement.  I was back to my old self, even better really. A little off topic, but I wonder sometimes about the true benefit of an anti-hormonal drug in those of us who have had hysterectomies/oopherectomies. There is such a thing as quality of life and overall health. Can the body really do without ANY estrgen?  Seems so extreme, yet I know my BC was definitely estrogen positive.

I am so sorry to hear you went through so much trouble.  How heartbreaking! Sex is huge. I went to the bar recently and yes, the alluring thing seemed a little odd considering I haven't had reconstruction yet.  But just went there for the dancing anyway, in Halloween costume. But still.

I have had a very similar 4 years. Sometimes I think it was more than BF could take.  He didn't show at the hospital for the mastectomy.Didn't call.  In a way I think he'd had enough. Altho' he was definitely not the 'one' anyway, so just as well.

Fearless_One

Josie, I am sorry you have had such a difficult time.   I like to think in time that things will get better.   Especially, when you are able to go off your Tamox.

Mybee, I too, question the value of hormone suppression drugs in those of us that have had hyster/ooph, and have written some threads here about my concerns.   Even cancer math and adjuvant on-line show zero benefit for me when I enter in my data.    But I guess i am more afraid of NOT taking it....

mybee333

I've never looked into entering in my data but its a possibility.  It's also something I think I would like to discuss more fully with my oncologist.  From heart health ( a real issue on both sides of my family) to bone loss, hair, skin, nails and perhaps things they don't yet know, I wonder about the implications, in the long run.  And in the short run!!

Fearless_One

I asked my onc what she would do in my situation (she is about my age).   I told her adjuvant showed no benefit for me.   She advised me to keep taking it but with a bone builder (I lost 18% bone density in a year and a half).   She said that is what she would do, given my "aggressive" tumor.  

But you had no node involvement and a lower stage, so I'm not sure.  Def speak to your onc until you have your questions answered.

mybee333

He had talked about taking it for longer than 5 years, possibly.  They are studying the benefits at this time. I am being treated at a research hospital.