after 3 mos of treatment, my husband left me

statusfresh

hi all-

i'm 32 years old and was diagnosed with stage III BC this year...to give a little history of my marriage, i got married in 2006 and it turned out to be a physically and mentally abusive relationship...we both had our faults, but we loved each other...he has A.D.D. and i really believe he has some sort of mental issue, like being bi polar...in 2010, he flipped out over a small fight we had and kicked me out...i gathered all my stuff and left that same day...but we started seeing each other again mid 2010...we decided to get back together around christmas time 2010, but we still did not live together...i was very happy and our relationship was a lot better...we didn't fight anymore and my love for him grew stronger...well, after 3 months of being diagnosed with BC, he left me because he said he cannot be the husband i want him to be and cannot take care of me...he admitted that he is selfish and does not want to be a husband...i am crushed and am having a really hard time dealing with treatment and this loss...i have completed chemo, but still have a long journey to go with surgery and radiation...fortunately we do not have any assets or children, but this is still really hard for me to deal with...any advice for me?...thank you.

A1B1

I am very sorry for all you are going through. He definitly did not deseve to have you in his life, let him go. Karma will come back around to him sooner or later. Try to focus in yourself and your treatments. Good luck and keep us posted.

statusfresh

thanks for the encouraging words...i will keep you posted.

cinnamonsmiles

I left an abusive relationship about 18 years ago. It was so hard. It was hard to be alone. It was hard because the dream I had in my mind about our relationship died. It was difficult because I had hoped it would get better and had to realize it wasn't. This is really devastating for you right now. But you will be a better woman for it, as long as you don't jump into another relationship right away, but that is just my opinion based on my own experience. I think you need to time to heal, emotionally, physically, pyschologically. Is there a program in  your community for abuse women? Often they have counselors and support groups.The most important thing for me in the beginning was NOT to reach out to him, call him, contact him when I was lonely. And the more I said no, the longer time went without him, and the easier it got, til it fizzled away to a bad memory.I wish you the best in  your treaments and learning what kind of woman you are becoming.

statusfresh

thanks for sharing your story...i am like you, i wanted so much to work out our marriage and was looking forward to finding a place with him and starting our life over...i've never wanted children and still am freaked out by child birth, but since my love grew stronger for him, i felt like i wanted to have his children by the time i turned 35...however, that is not going to happen, and i am really sad about that...i tried so hard to compromise and work around his personality, but nothing i did was ever good enough for him and he harbored the bad parts of our relationship...i don't think he remembers any of the good parts or why we fell in love...anyway, i am not one to jump into new relationships because when i love someone, i do not want to be with anyone else...i've usually gone 6 months in between relationships, but i have a feeling it will take me longer to get over this one...i'm sure there are support groups, but i have no motivation to leave my house right now...i sit in bed with the tv on and i think about him all day...i know it's unhealthy, but i don't want to do anything...that's why i started doing research on how to deal with break ups and how to deal with break ups while going through cancer treatment today...so far it is keeping me busy and beginning to give me the strength to move on.

Kaara

You don't need someone like this in your life when you are facing a challenge and trying to stay positive.  He would do nothing but drag you down.  His character was revealed when he left you at a time of need.

By all means, get into a support group and talk with others who face the same circumstances as you.  Do something positive for yourself.  The best revenge is living well! 

Char2010

Status fresh - you cannot change another person - I finally realized that after a 22 year marriage. Was diagnosed with BC a year after the divorce. So glad that I did not have to deal with his moods/temper and was able to focus on my situation. Take care of yourself, you are all that matters in your life right now.

exbrnxgrl

Status fresh,

It sounds as if your relationship had a well established negative pattern. You never mention counseling so if that wasn't part of the picture, you'd probably keep repeating those patterns, whether you had bc or not. I know that this must be very painful and lonely but I swear that no husband is better than a bad one. I divorced my bad husband after 23 years of hoping,praying and trying my hardest to make it better. Be selfish, focus on you from now on. Support groups, family, friends. This is your time to take care of yourself. Get out and just walk. I live in San Jose too and we are blessed by a great climate and lots of natural beauty.

Caryn