I'm starting to feel like I am moving on...and it scares me

cookiegal

The past couple weeks I have started to feel more normal.

I have been interviewing for a better job, something I thought I would not do. (I always felt like at least I could handle this job if I got sick again.)

LE is a PAIN, but besides that I am feeling more like the old me. (Even my libido is starting to come back.) If I wasn't wearing a damn sleeve I really would feel normal. Even my scars seem to be fading.

It all is kind of scary. If I live in "cancer world" a recurrence or new cancer will not be a surprise.

If I start to think of cancer as something in my past, it will hurt worse if it comes back. 

Your thoughts? 

pickle

Cookiegal,...Embrace your feeling of normalcy and rejoice in feeling like your old self. Don't let this cancer crap rob you of enjoying your life. My onc told me that one of her favorite patients had a recurrence after 4 years. The patient told the onc that her biggest regret was worrying for those 4 years instead of living each day. We all get fearful of it coming back and that's normal but don't let fear rob you of what may or may not happen in the future. If it ever comes back, it will hurt worse knowing that you wasted precious time worrying about it.

As a side note...how the hell did you get your libido back? If only I could be so lucky .....sigh!

Hugs

Beth

dlb823

cookiegal, I'm so glad to read your post.  And Beth is so right about not wasting time worrying about what might happen.  Not only will we regret the time we've wasted if it ever was to come back, but think of all the lost days and years if you continue to worry and it never comes back, which is the more likely scenario.

As far as libido, I got a lot of help from a naturopathic doctor who, after extensive hormone testing RX'd a bit of a hormone that not only helps with libido but also mental clarity and energy. PM me if you want to know more.  And about the LE -- I think the new node transplant surgery sounds really promising. Perhaps in the near future there will be a way to undo LE, although it would mean another surgery.  

I'll keep my fingers crossed you get that better job!  Keep us posted!   Deanna 

 

changes

Cookielegal.

Congratulations on starting to feel normal again. I get exactly what you mean, though. I have been feeling more normal for the past couple months, but then had to have a bone scan which took me right back into Cancerland. The reality is, we have to live with a foot in each world - hope for the best, prepare for the worst, and just live the best we can. I honestly don't think ANY of us will ever again be as surprised as we were when we were first diagnosed. If it comes back, you'll deal with it, just like you did the first time; but it may NEVER come back. Good luck on the job interviews

Karen