Please Help Me Sort This Out

Michele_T

Hello, 

I had a dbl mx Aug, my diagnosis is below. I was shocked to find out chemo was suggested. I went today for my Onco type results and it was 47 and they are suggesting EIGHT rounds of chemo! 4 Adriamycic and Cytoxen three weeks apart then 4 Taxotere threes weeks apart. The doctor told me that the chemo only decreases the risk of return 5-10% and the HST 45-50%. I don't understand why chemo is bing to pushed on me when the nodes were negative and margins clear. 

I feel like I'm going to crack. Since my diagnosis it's been bad news after bad news. They still want my ovaries after all this because I'm  BRCA1 +  They also want a prt and my chest is no where near healed from the surgery, I can't imagine more pain.

I can't stop crying, I feel so hopeless right now. I don't even know if I have to go through this if it's worth living. I turned 51 on the 27th of August and diagnosed the 29th. I feel like life as I knew it ended and now all that follows lately is pain and bad news.

My mother died from breast cancer in 1984 at 50, she was misdiagnosed and the cancer had spread before she even had her mastectomy. I feel like I'm living her nightmare even though my diagnosis was different. The kicker is they want to start chemo on the anniversary of her death.

What is your experience and your thoughts. I want to say no to chemo but there's that fear that I'd be making a mistake. I thought having my breasts removed would have spared me this. I know I should be grateful for early diagnosis and I feel ashamed to caught up in so much self pity but the truth is I'm not sure I can or want to go through this. I am married but I have no children. If it wasn't for my husband and brother I think I'd swallow a bottle of pills and forget it all.

suebak

Take a long deep breath.  You can do this, you are just having an insane moment.  I have had several of those since my diagnosis. I did not have chemo, but as you will see, there are many, many woman on here who have.  I have read many post of woman stating "chemo is doable". I am sure it is no walk in the park, but you will get through it.  I am so sorry you are going through this horrible experience, but you have come to the right place.  Keep coming back here.  The woman here will help you every step of the way.  I will keep you in my prayers.  Hang in there

mdg

I am sorry you have to make these decisions.  It is hard to know what to do especially when it all sounds scary.  It is very much a personal choice for you on chemo.  The bottom line is Grade 3 is more aggressive and the doc's just want to zap anything floating in your body with chemo.  Now is the time to zap it.  I was stage 1 with an oncotype score of 17.  I had to decide on chemo.  I also had BMX and clear nodes.  I chose chemo for a few reasons:

I was strongly ER/PR+ and had no idea if I could tolerate tamoxifen (which is strongly recommended in my case)

My son was only 4 years old - I wanted to do EVERYTHING I could do and have no regret

I had angiolymphatic invasion listed as "present" on my pathology meaning there was a potential pathway for the cells to travel by blood but we don't know if it did

Age - I was 45

Deciding on chemo was harder than deciding on a BMX.  Once I made the decision to do it, it was easier.  I used cold caps to keep my hair and did the chemo.  I only needed 4 cycles of TC though. 

There is really not one right answer...only the right answer for you.  Ask more questions.  Get a second opinion.  Discuss it with family or close friends.  The cancer center may have a counselor you can meet with to sort out things to help you make a decision. 

Hugs!  I am sorry you are going through this.  GOod luck.

Racy

Ask if you can have the chemo administered as TAC x 6. I believe it's the same cocktail but is quicker, although the overall dosage each time is probably greater. That is the chemo I had and it was manageable.



You don't have to start treatment on the date the doctor suggested. I believe that studies show you should start within 3 months of surgery, but the sooner you start the sooner you will finish.



You may not feel so now but it is highly likely and I hope that you have many years of good living ahead of you if you do the chemo. There are enormous amounts of information and support on this site to help you through.



I know it's a very difficult decision and one we would all prefer not to have to make. Take your time to think through the pros and cons of chemo and how you could manage through it.

kaed

You will get through this. The woman I work for just had her 1 year from diagnosis anniversary. She has a business in her home so I was there every day to see each step. I have to say some days were hard but not like the old days. She is now healthier than she has ever been in her whole life, has more energy for life, works out every day and loving it. She also has the cutest hairdo. Everyone asks her where she got it and she says Chemo. It came in so cute. Well now I am going through it. Tomorrow my 2nd lumpectomy. They didn't get clear margins so I don't know what my new diagnosis will be, but from seeing how her life has actually improved, I think I can do it, and you will too.

susan_02143

Michelle,

I feel how much you want someone to say "skip the chemo" but I can't do that. There are three factors at work here. A very high Onco score, Grade 3 which is very aggressive, and the BRAC gene. To be honest, the Onco score seems superfluous. Just the grade and genetic mutation indicates chemo, with a shut down of your ovaries.

I was 46 when I started my chemo. Yea, it put my life on hold for some time, but you do get through it. And you do get a life back. But not the same one. But you don't get the same one back without chemo either. This disease is life-altering. And I can only imagine that the fact that you lost your Mom to this very same disease, it is even more emotional.

Since you had a BMX you don't need radiation! [Just trying to slide in some good news.] Obviously, I am not a doctor. Consult yours as much as you need. Talk to a hospital social worker to help you navigate the emotional and financial issues. Gather your support group and ask for help as you need it.

Thousands of women every day get chemo for breast cancer. You can do it too. And the women of this board will help you get through it.

All the best,

*susan* 

208sandy

O.K. it's my turn - I had chemo the exact same regimen they are suggesting for you - I didn't have MX because my tumour was too close to the chest wall but the chemo shrunk the tumour - I DID have rads - 33 to be exact and that was way more difficult (for me) than chemo - chemo is not a walk in the park but in my case it wasn't all that bad - it is doable and in your case necessary - I found out the day after my second chemo that my birth mother had died of bc when she was 40 - that was in the 50s - things have come a long way since then - oh yes, I am Stage 3 and that is why the chemo and rads - I am three years out from chemo this month and am back to doing everything I used to do and I am eating healthier and getting more exercise than I ever did previously - I am 65 (going to be 66 in a few days) - you are young yet and have much more life to live - I say go for it!  We're all here to hold you up when things look bleak - take a deep breath and btw ask your PCP or Onc for Ativan or whatever anti-anxiety drug they suggest - they have helped me through the mess and beyond.

Oh yes, I forgot to say I had a port placed and only had it taken out a couple of months ago - it was a nothing operation on both ends and a godsend for having chemo and blood draws.

Hugs, Sandy

LeesaAnn

{{{{{{Michele}}}}} I think all of us can relate to how you are feeling. I've come to realize as I move through this process from finding the lump, being told I have cancer, surgery/reconstruction, and now chemo, that each blow (step) can be emotionally devastating. I've had plenty of my own freak out moments, and have asked myself the same questions.This panic, pain and fear will ease, take deep breaths if you find yourself hyperventilating (as I did during a particularly bad time)

My best advise, is to feel all of these feelings and let them be released. It can feel overwhelming, I know, but I learned that I did come through it, and you will too. Sore, worn out, and feeling a bit beaten up (emotionally).  Going through this moves to you the next phase of acceptance and understanding of your experience. You will gain strength and resolve to fight this ________ (insert your favorite, nastiest curse word here!) disease.

Starting chemo on the anniversary of your Mother's death could be a wonderful way to pay tribute to her life, by taking the brave step to fight for your own life. It's something she would want you to do, FIGHT! You will find the determination to face this!!! I promise, these awful moments do not last, and you will find the beauty of everyday life come into sharper focus. 

Big hug to you, we are sisters in our struggles!    Lisa

SheChirple

I can't say much, as I am still early in this process, too.  I just want to send my support and (((HUGS))).

Like you, I think, I fear chemo and radiation more than the diagnosis or the surgery (my BMX is tomorrow).  I can take this one step at a time.  I hope you do, too.  Hang in there and I hope for better days for you.