newly single - anyone else go down this path

DivaJMusic

I had only starting seeing my partner 2 months prior to my diagnosis.  she stayed with me through all my surgery, chemo, steroid rages etc.  she was a jewel.  here i am 6 months out from treatment and breaking her heart.  i feel so hopeless inside.  i feel like i am still not 100% back to normal yet, I barely feel 50% and feel like i need to talk care of myself right now and get back to who i am.  i feel so changed.  i know i couldn't possibly go through this unchanged.  but i also feel like i don't have enough energy to take care of myself and be there for her.  i feel so selfish.  i can't stop crying.  i'm worried i've made the worst mistake of my life.  i just don't know what to do.

has anyone had any similiar stories?

Fearless_One

I'm sorry you feel so conflicted - but just the fact that you are feeling like this is a testament to how much you care for her and that you are a good person.   Otherwise you wouldn't have even posted this. 

I think no one but BC survivors can understand the changes that take place within us .  But you are NOT selfish.   Selfish would be if you had strung her along.

DivaJMusic

Fearless, thank you so much for your kind words.  This has been the hardest part of this entire process.  I just feel lost and alone.

sweetbean

DivaJMusic,

Freaking out after treatment is really, really common. We get through all the treatments and then everyone expects us to get back to normal, but our lives are so completely different.  It's common for cancer survivors to have some level of PTSD after treatment.  Are you seeing a therapist?   

If you are considering getting back together with your partner, you might want to consider couples counseling, so that she can understand what you are going through.  It sounds like the issue is not your partner or the relationship, but just where your head is.  And that is completely understandable, but you definitely want to take steps to get mentally healthy - you deserve to be happy!  

How much have you explained to your partner about why you left and how your are feeling, post-treatment?  She may be able to give you some space to figure things out, without completely closing the door on the relationship.  (I realize that I am saying this without any knowledge of your relationship - I am assuming that the actual relationship was a healthy one.) 

kaza

Hi

I can understand the emotions you describe, i met my partner 2 months prior to breast cancer diagnosis, i also feel like you, we have been through a life changing journey, we will never be the same as before, we need to find ourselves again, i ended my relationship 2 months ago i feel more relaxed within myself, we just need time. take good care of yourself