*sigh* I know better than to be this worried

janey47

I just celebrated 2 years NED at the end of September, and I knew from the time of my diagnosis that I don't have much to be worried about, which was further underscored by my final pathology report, which showed that my IDC was tubular -- a great prognosis, almost 100% survival at ten years.

So I know that this mass I feel in my breast -- which by the way does NOT feel like the original lesion (which I found through self exam) -- is not a recurrence.  I know that it's scar tissue or lymphedema.  And I know that this will be confirmed by my doctor soon.  And I'm able to put the concerns aside for long periods of time.  The nearer my appointment comes, though, the more I picture bad news and the more frequently I remember the shakes I got when I was first told the results of my biopsy in 09.

Thank you meditation.  Thank you intense exercise.  Thank you good habits of breathing and letting go.  And thank you time that will inexorably lead me to and past my appointment next Monday.

My breast surgeon is the best.  When I first met her, she told me that she would keep me informed on everything as soon as she got any information, and she kept that promise.  She said, "The hardest thing is not knowing."  She's right.  

I don't like this.  Thank you for letting me vent.

MJLToday

Janey you are right not knowing is the hardest part.  If you get bad news, I promise if you come to the mets forum we will help you deal with it.  In the mean time ranting can do a world of good

 

janey47

Thank you so much.  Your reply means a lot to me.  This forum is filled with the strongest women on earth. 

janey47

Good news -- Dr says it's scar tissue with maybe a little fluid around it.  She's as calm and collected as I am not.  Thank you, community, for letting me be worried here rather than take it out on my poor boyfriend.

janey47

So my annual mammogram of course showed the lump, so they also did an ultrasound and recommended either a biopsy or an MRI.  I've opted for the MRI and am getting that scheduled now.  I think the good news is that this was visible on the mammogram, since my cancer never was visible even though it was palpable, everyone knew where it was, etc., but the mammogram didn't see it.  Probably that this is visible indicates that it really is nothing to be worried about.  Funny, I'm much calmer now that I would have expected to be.  I doubt that it's a recurrence but I also kind of don't care right now.  I'm having an ulcerative colitis flare and that's taking all my energy & attention.

vmudrow

Hoping the best for you! Try to stay calm.

bookgirl

Hi Janey47, I'm about 12 months ahead of you. Our stages are very close in detail. Last year I too found a hard lump in the scar area, but mine kept getting infected. Not the scare but the breast it's self. A couple of rounds of antibiotics later and it returned. My BS biopsied it and it showed some atypical cells so we did another lumpectomy (my BS is wonderful and aggressive). Well all said and done, it was nothing, simple infection, just a very slow healing area, scar tissue and fluid which they said can take years to totally disappear. I hope it helps to hear that  for me it was nothing. My mind at the time went to worst case scenario! I still worry about  everything but with just a tiny bit more perspective. Good luck.

janey47

Thank you both for your positive energy! And bookgirl, thanks for the perspective.  Did your breast itch?  The site of my original biopsy scar (surface) randomly itches like mad.  And it's the good kind of itch -- the one you can scratch.  I hate those phantom itches, don't you?

bookgirl

Yes, the the itch was the start of the infection, but even after the infection was cleared up my BS said to expect the itching due to dry skin and damage from Rads. I just had a 3 year all clear Mammo, (Big sigh of relief) and am now trying to over come my anxiety to go get blood tests for tumor markers levels. I hate that I let anxiety control me sometimes. Will be thinking about you. Keep us posted.

janey47

Thanks so much -- same to you.  I got a call from my surgeon's office this morning and they're going for the insurance approval so I should be able to schedule my MRI on Monday and it's usually really quick to get in.  Let's get our testing done at the same time.  Go schedule your blood work now.  ;-)

bookgirl

Good idea, I will try to keep my nerve up and go in next week, thinking about WAITING for test results (which I find worse than the actual results) makes me break out in a cold sweat. It will definitely be Ativan time. Have you had an MRI before? Maybe I'm strange but I find them very relaxing and even hearing the hum and thump while I'm seeing by BS (her office is right below the machine) calms me. They are usually pretty quick with results and I think it will give you added peace of mind. We have been alternating my mammo with MRIs which I feel very lucky about. Enjoy your weekend and best of luck with the MRI.

janey47

Thanks, yeah, I had a breast MRI before my surgery, which was a lucky thing because it showed a second lesion that wouldn't have been found otherwise.  I have way more confidence in MRIs than in mammograms, because the mammograms never showed either lesion. 

 I also had a brain MRI this March when I was getting super clumsy for some reason.  I fell asleep during that one.  LOL You are I are a lot alike. 

Have a great weekend & we'll compare notes next week :-)

janey47

OK, I got my MRI appointment -- November 19.  Your turn, bookgirl.

TectonicShift

Hi, Janey47. Can you tell me what your core biopsy report said (before the final surgical path report)?

I'm asking because my core biopsy said "invasive ductal carcinoma with prominent tubular features."

The onc thinks it probably means a mix of grade 1 tubular and maybe grade 2 IDC in some ratio yet to be determined.

Of course I'm holding out hope that it's mostly tubular. Though the main tumor is estimated at 2.6 cm which is a little large for tubular. I'm hoping they put the IDC stuff in there to hedge their bets but it's mostly or nearly all tubular. That is my dream.... while I wait for the path report.

Did you original core biopsy report say anything at all about IDC? 

janey47

My original core biopsy report said IDC and didn't say a thing about tubular.  It was only the final pathology report that showed the tubular carcinoma (which is, you probably know, a subset of IDC, not completely different from IDC). 

Sending you lots of warmth & healing light for a great final pathology report :-)

bookgirl

Glad to hear of the uncoming MRI. I went in on Monday (half an ativan helped) and got my blood test. I am now playing the game, trying not to do the "What if" mind game. I have been keeping busy so it has helped. Let me know about your MRI. Thinking of you!

janey47

They should have the results soon, right?  My doctors recently got me on a web site where every test is recorded so no one has to call me with results.  I still need to be walked through some of it, but for the most part, it's simply awesome.  Fastest test results ever.  Stay busy, find a good book, watch some guilty pleasure tv, and keep breathing :-)

bookgirl

Well Damn! My Dr called while I was out and said to call him back...never helpful when you deal with anxiety. So heart pounding and hands shaking I called back and got them just before he was leaving. The results for the Ca 29.27 went from 38.5 to 40.2. Not what I was hoping to hear. He said that it could the hematoma (SP?)that is in my breast from the 2 surgeries and could be lab error... but since it was rising I need to see him in 2 months and retest in 3. CANCER SUCKS! I miss the old me. Well I guess I'm just feeling sorry for myself right now. It could have been a lot worse I know, but I was more of a merry go round person than a roller coaster rider. UGH. We are working at a dog adoption event tomorrow that should cheer me up. Enjoy your weekend and don't forget to update me with your MRI. Andrea

MJLToday

I'm glad your doc is being proactive and cautious.  CA 27-29s are so unreliable many docs don't ever order them, sometimes they really have minds of their own.

I hope your UC calms down too, I have that too and man is it a pain in the butt literally LOL.

janey47

oh man, bookgirl, I'm sorry.  That sucks.  Let's bear in mind MJLToday's comments on the CA-27-29s and send positive energy to your next results.  xxoo