My chest looks like crap and hubby never compliments anything

Meggy

I wish I had one of those men who naturally gave you a compliment once a year or so.  Mine never ever compliments me.  I can't even look back to when we were first dating for any compliments to cling to.  He never complimented me.

Now my chest is truly jacked up.  I really just had bad luck on this one.  I did bilateral with delayed reconstruction.  Small implant on the healthy side and rads side failed.  After it failed, my skin stuck to my ribs such that I really look like a halloween costume.   Even a doctor made a shocked face when she saw it.

Seems hard to imagine that I have to go throughout my life (hope its long) with a man who makes me feel crappy.  He's all about sex for his pleasure only....never about me.  He's never even made the comment that he enjoys me in bed...he gives me nothing to cling to.  

Just sad to have this be the way it is. This is my second marriage and my young kids and I went through 6 years of terrible times before I remarried.  Truly I can't imagine going through it again.  Just wish he's step up and be a flippin man and tell me I'm beautiful or something. I've told him so so so many times that women need compliments but he's just too stupid aparently.

He's not a terrible husband in general.  I really shouldn't leave him and I don't think I will but I always feel depressed about this issue.  I deserve better treatment.  He's really a dumb a$$ on this issue. Maybe counseling but I'm so overworked and dealing with bilateral lynphedema and raising kids... I spend at least 2 hours a day just dealing with swelling on both arms. I just don't have any free time.

Thanks for listening.  Any advice?

Meg

annettek

Ah Meggy...I am sorry you are going through this. There are no good answers or even suggestions I can offer except for ONE. And it is corny but true. All cliches are rooted in truth so here goes..you gotta love yourself. Completely. And believe it. Fake it until to you do but keep coaching yourself pick out the million good things about yourself and remind yourself about them. When you believe it. others will. And it gets easier to make a decision of what you want to do for the rest of your very long life. Force yourself to carve out some time everyday- no matter how small to practice loving YOU. At the least you and your children will be happier. I promise. If the hubs doesn't well, like I said, we look at things differently when we feel good about ourselves.

christina1961

Meggy, I'm sorry he is so selfish.  I think you are absolutely beautiful- I noticed your picture when I first joined this site! He is a doofus as well as selfish.   And it sounds like you have your hands full, but maybe someday down the road you will be able to get your chest fixed by another plastic surgeon.  I know one woman at our local support group who is finally happy with her reconstruction after a long haul with it.  I am a uni MX and in the middle of radiation - it will probably be at least a year before I try. At this point I don't even like seeing my pre-cancer photos because I have aged about ten years since diagnosis earlier this year.   I've got my own issues at home - I went through a lot of very insensitive treatment and actions by my DH during my chemo treatment- things are better now and he seems to really be trying, but he did not react maturely at all to my illness.Like Annette says, treat yourself - do things that make you feel good - carve out little tiny parts of each day to do something that makes you feel special.  Right now for me, it's goat's milk soap - and a fruit smoothie every day after radiation.

debbie6122

Meg- Sorry your husband is not being compassonate to you, some men just dont know how to be, not sticking up for him by any means i think he sounds like a jerk if you ask me, but maybe with a litlte help like a support group will help him to be a better partner. People that have not gone through what we have, dont have a clue. That being said, you do deserve better. my ex was the same way and thats why he is my ex. I have a wonderful loving supportive husband now for almost 20 years. i wish the same for you.

hugs

Debbie

Rennasus

Meg, listen to the wise ladies above! Annette nailed it... once you start believing in yourself, you will feel so much more confident.

The simpliest way that I look at things like this is if I notice I am annoyed with something someone is doing, it usually means I'm not giving enough of whatever "that" is to myself. Kinda like holding a mirror up and reflecting back to yourself what you wish you were getting from others. I don't know if that makes any sense, but I feel for you and hope you feel better! Also, I'm sorry your recon was difficult. It sucks when complications prevent us from getting a good result. {{{hugs}}}

dlb823

Meg, I'm so sorry about your failed implant and lack of supportive words from your DH.

I wanted to ask you if you've considered getting a second opinion about the possibility of surgery to correct your problem.  I was very fortunate to have my recon @ UCLA, and I have to tell you that my PS there is an absolute miracle worker, and is especially good at working on radiated skin.  In fact, he made me have my RT before he did any surgery for symmetry, which is a bit unusual.  He's also involved in the Wounded Warrior project, rebuilding faces, etc., so has tons of experience most PSs don't.

Anyway, since I see you're in CA, I thought I'd mention him to you.  Feel free to PM me if you'd like any additional info.  I'd just be thrilled for you if you could find a highly skilled PS to correct or improve what's happened up until now.    (((Hugs)))   Deanna