You're a cancer survivor when...

NannaBaby

It bothers me when people consider themselves a cancer survivor when they didn't go thru radical surgery, chemo and rads! 

An example, is my friend thinks we are cancer survivor sisters because she had a tiny tumour removed (a few mm).  She didn't do anything else! No chemo, no rads, no radical surgery, no hormone therapy.  I'm not sure she undertands what it means to survive cancer treatments!!

Thanks for listening to me vent.

karen1956

Nannybaby....I hear what you are saying, but everybody handles their journey differently.....but come vent all you want and need....Hugs,

NannaBaby

Thanks for being understanding Karen

TheLadyGrey

Temperamentally, I'm one who will resist the term survivor or any other that might draw attention to me. I am a survivor of sorts of things I would not wish on my worst enemy (well -- maybe just for a time). I don't discuss it.



Others have been through journeys that may look similar on their face to mine, but those journeys belong to them - I would never suggest that their experience was less painful than mine simply because it appeared that way, because I could never know the wounds, rawness and vulnerabilities those people bring with them.



In the book "The Things They Carried", Tim O'Brien talks about the things in the pockets of Vietnam war draftees and what they mean (beautiful book).



We each have full pockets going into this experience. It seems to me the better practice might be to look into one another's pockets respectfully, understanding the content will be different for each of us.



Here is what I know: I know that tomorrow night I will go to sleep and before lunch the next day, my left breast will be gone. For me, when I breastfed, it was ALWAYS to the left first - I can remember the sweetness of those little mouths latching on like it was yesterday - heroin can't possibly compete.



My left breast will be just as gone as if I had any later stage. There is no footnote tattooed on the missing bit saying "Removed For Stage 0 Carcinoma".



As I said, I will never claim the survivor tag - even should it turn out to be worse or come back worse. It isn't in my nature.



But I do not think it is fair for you to purport to set the suffering bar on what constitutes a survivor. I have no doubt that there are any number of women who hit the BC door with stuff on their plate that would make you cheerfully exchange a few weeks of radiation for the absolute living hell they will be going through, by virtue of poverty, access to health care, illegal status, geographic status, financial issues, dependent children, governmental bureaucracy, tentative employment, under/noninsured which makes securing a baseline level of healthcare the Holy Grail in addition to being a full time job.



I don't do well with stratification. It never ends well.

Leah_S

Nannababy, on the one hand I can understand why you feel that there is not a parity with you and your friend in terms of the experiences you had in dealing with this beast. On the other hand, I keep remembering what someone said on these boards: "Once you hear the word 'cancer' with your name in the same sentence, you are never the same".

As for me, when I hear about women with early stage cancers I don't feel that we are not dealing with the same thing. I have to admit that what I feel the most is jealousy. It's not logical since cancer is hell no matter what stage, and it can come back to anyone. Emotions aren't logical, they just are.

So if this bothers you, that's OK. It's what you feel and there is no right or wrong.

Leah

Tatina123

Although I had ADH excised in 2008 and 2009 and a BMX several weeks ago for DCIS Stage 0, I won't call myself a "survivor."  Instead, I'm a "breast cancer chaser."  With an aggressive family history of the disease, I've been on a chase mission for the last decade.

T 

dragonfly55

Hi Nannybaby. My heart goes out to you and I wish I could give you a big hug to take away some of the pain. You are so young to have gone through so much and it's unfair. I met a young woman who was diagnosed Stage IV at 21 four years ago and is cancer-free.



Do you remember how you felt when you thought you might have breast cancer? The anxiety, trouble eating or sleeping? Your emotional roller-coaster rides? All the thoughts going through your head? How difficult it was living in the unknown? That was a battle in itself.

Both you and your friend, and all women who go through BC diagnosis (+ or -) go through at least part of this.

Some women who are diagnosed with BC are fortunate that theirs was caught early. Cancer is cruel and it doesn't pick and choose. I think anyone who has fought cancer and won is a survivor. I also think anyone fighting cancer is a survivor. Every morning you can wake up and know you've survived another day and you're going to go on fighting.

Friendships and support are so important in life, especially going through what you are going through.

Take care of yourself and remember your friend can be a good support as she can relate to a lot of similar feelings.

We, as women, are all survivors, some wounds aren't as visible as others.

((((HUG))))

Alpal

A very wise woman on the Stage IV forum said "The worst thing that has happened to you is the worst thing that has happened to you". The worst thing is different for all of us. When I was 33 with three small children I had wide excision surgery for a melanoma. I was sure I was going to die. I resented so much a friend who kept comparing my experience to the removal of a basal cell carcinoma on her leg. It infuriated me. Now I see that was her "worst thing".

Don't be ashamed for venting your frustration. It's normal.

dragonfly55

Nannybaby, you're feeings are valid as it is how you how you feel. Venting is good for the soul and it releases stress.



I think one thing i've learned, is that noone will ever be exactly where you are, experience exactly what you are or feel the same emotions that you feel.



When I think of the word survivor, it means you've survived something.

What you went through and endured is so much worse than your friend. I don't know close you are to your friend. Is she more an acquaintance? Have you had any heart-to-hearts? What you went through?hopes?fears? (I ask thisb/c it sounds as if you are angry with her. Good friendships are valuable. Please not post reply to these questions. Food for thought)



I don't think it matters if we call ourselves survivors,or say we lived through cancer, or say we are cancer-free. Some people have been to hell and back...

Survivor is just a word.



I know there is a lot you've suffered through to fight your battle and to survive (emotionally and physicallt). There are choices you've made and challenges you face which would not be there if you had not had BC. Being so young. I would be so scared and angry. It's just not fair.



Take care of you!



((((HUGS))))

dragonfly55

I just thought of something some of the women have said... They have mentioned days when they stop thinking about cancer, or their world doesn't revolve around cancer... They are enjoying days without cancer, days when life feels normal (with or without cancer), ....



Is this the point when someone is a survivor?

Suzanne3131

Alpal, I love what you said.  

NannaBaby, sending you compassionate {{hugs}}

mumito

There should be a better word for us than survivor. Nanybaby Vent away thats what these threads are for. Apal well said.

dragonfly55

"Breast Cancer Chaser" Tatina123

.... "Breast Cancer Triver" Jo-5



Love it



Nannybaby, I think you are getting women to think outside the box.



What would you think about starting a thread that asks women some of their pet names they use for being a BC survivor, or for their fight, etc. Nannybaby?

Shrek4

I prefer to call myself  a "breast cancer escapee". I escaped from it for now. Hopefully forever. I can't erase the memory of it, but I AM free of it, at least for as long as I will be.

NannaBaby

I am so greatful that most of you understand my thoughts I feel so much better!  I think it's very important to vent and express thoughts with others going thru similar experiences.  It's grounding.

I knew when I posted this thread, some people would be offended, but I needed to hear if my thoughts were "normal".  It is important for me to understand the "stages" of grief.  I don't know if grief is the best word, but I do think that "survivors", "chasers" etc. go thru denial, shock, blame, anger, depression etc etc.  I wonder if there is a good book about the stages?  It would put me at ease if I can learn of what to expect, and when....

And I love the idea of different names cancer "survivors" call themselves!  Chaser, dasher, fighter etc. DRAGONFLY - Do you want to start the thread? Or what if I edit this one?

Take care, and thanks again for being so understanding!

Oh yeah, that friend of mine is actually my cousin.  I don't see her very much. We def. haven't had heart to hreats ever. She actually had a hystorectomy because of life long issues, and they found a small area of suspicious tissue at the cervix.  She says she had stage 4 cervical cancer.  I don't think she understand what stage 4 means... and I didn't feel comfortable explaining it to her. Cuz, I thought if it's stage 4, that it has metastisized to distant organs, and that she would have def. been in treatment!  She also thinks people can get cancer from a bruise...

Keep in touch!

dragonfly55

NannaBaby,

 This came out of your thread. It's your "baby. Why don't you start it.

I'll join you there.

Take care. 

mumito

Thriver  that Jo mentioned is a much better word.Keep em comming ladies.

GramE

The word "veteran" come to mind:

a personwho has had long service or experience in an occupation, office, or the like. 

Most may think of military service when you hear the word veteran, but it applies here also. 

crystalphm

This may seem off beat (but then again I can be off beat) In my own mind, I see myself as the rabbit who chewed off her foot in order to escape!

I am having my second breast removed in two weeks, I wear a rabbit charm...I am doing what a trapped rabbit needs to do, which makes me pretty strong. So that is how I think of myself, "pretty strong".

Denise

Shrek4

Nanababy, I never went through all the "stages". I stopped at anger. And that's where I still am. Maybe it helped me go through it all easier? I dont' know. But I still have the anger. The "how dare you" kind.

elimar86861

I sometimes call myself a B/C survivor.  That's all part of my fanciful dream of moonbeams and lollipops and living cancer-free the rest of my life.  Long life, that is. 

I only had a lumpectomy, rads, and Tamox.  I don't care if others think of that as "Cancer Lite," because I actually think of it that way myself. 

If we all had to get B/C and were all given a choice in the degree of B/C we got, I know every one of us would pick the least and lightest possible, right?

Your feelings don't offend me.  I am surprised that you are over a year out, have been on this discussion board for over a year and still feel that way though.   Here's what I mean... In the past year I have seen several threads where the woman with B/C is hurt that she has been abandoned by friends that "don't get it" or are even scared they will "catch" the B/C from her.  Yes, really.  Poor women who have a lifelong friend that just stops calling; family that is so wrapped up in their own drama they can't bother to ask how the B/C sister is feeling.  Situations like that.

So you tell of a friend who wants to bond with you, but she only had "Cancer Lite" so you don't feel she is quite on the same level.   The person is your friend, so let it be, without the comparison getting in the way.   From my perspective, you are way ahead of those others who have had friends and family behave uncaringly and turn their backs.

Just putting a different spin on things.  All in the perpective, I guess.