Now I'm in for some more trouble

amanda1116

I'm high risk: my mother died of b/c in her late 50s.  No one else in family has had it.  BRCAs negative.  Have been having yearly MRIs for three years.  First year: tiny fibro, biopsy.  Second year, nothing and did fine.  This year, July, had tiny fibro one side, and tinier papilloma on the other.  Biopsied both and the papilloma needed open surgery as matter of course (3 months ago) to check tissue in the area, etc.  All benign, went fine.

What's not so fine AT ALL is this: the incision took eight weeks to heal.  A stitch (internal) didn't disolve (it finally did) and I had what looked like a small home in my breast -- right at the incision which is right around nipple area. It drained fluid forever.  Now it's healed but somewhat sensitive (not painful).

Well, next week I have to go have my yearly digital mammogram.  Just the idea of my breast being squeezed in the mammo machine sends me up the walls.  I'm usuallyso scared of mammmograms anyway (not the test, the potential outcome) that this is a little much.  All my doctors (surgeon, Ob/Gyn, internist and radiologist) tell me it'll be fine, it's all healed now.  How would they know that? By how the incision looks.  Obviously we've got some pretty frail tissue going on here since it really only closed up "for good" a month ago. Now I have two reasons to dread this and dreading away over here I sure am.  The fear of squeezing the area is NOT as bad as my overall fear of the results, of course, but I am once again a wreck.  

I wonder how much more of this I can take?

Get me out of here...and if you do respond, please don't tell me to take anti anxiety meds: I have no tried them all re: Mammogram Day, MRI day, waiting for biosy, surgery and waiting for results and they all have horrendous side effects on me for some reason.  I DO NOT want to put off Mammogram Day (because knowing me I would put it off indefintely) but I am seriously nervous re: incision versus machine AND Amanda's (that's me) psyche versus yet another diagnostic test.  So far after the last MRI I had mammogram, sonogram, two biopsies, open surgery, and wire location before it.  And here I go again with yet more of this stuff.

Someone tell me I am going to get through this somehow...if you can