The Stress is killing me

BrandyB

How long can you worry that you are dying until the worry actually kills you? I finished treatment last year, and was on my way back to normal until I spent 3 months earlier this year thinking that I had a recurrence. Since my cancer is so aggressive, this would mean a terminal diagnosis. It turned out to be a false positive, but I haven't been able to shake the anxiety.



I recently had reconstruction and the weird pains from healing keep setting off my cancer worries. My back hurts, my stomach hurts, my calf hurts, and I sleep constantly. All symptoms of stress and (possibly cancer...). I can't tell what is real. I'm drinking too much, medicating with anti-depressants, and slowing spiraling out of control.



When I do open up to my friends(my non-cancer ones) thy don't understand at all. They tell me things like "Your fine, don't worry, don't worry so much" I don't know where to turn.



Thanks for listening.



Brandy

CoolBreeze

I'm sorry you are having such difficulty, Brandy.  I would suggest maybe therapy.  You are going to be post-cancer for a good, long time.  The fear of recurrence is something most women experience but for you it sounds debilitating.  A good counselor can help you with some techniques to manage your fear.

It makes me sad, being a Stage IV cancer patient, to hear of women so upset that they might end up like me and become unable to enjoy their life.  I wish I could tell you how precious every single day is, and to spend it enjoying the sunshine or the wind, or the smile of your child, or a good piece of music. Because, however many days you have is however many you have.  Your worrying isn't going to change that.

Good luck to you and there is no harm in getting professional advice for dealing with stress and worry. 

BrandyB

Cool breeze - Thank you for your kind words. I have an appointment with a therapist next week. I hate that I'm missing out on joy because of this depression (or whatever you call it). I am taking your words to heart and starting tomorrow, I'm going to try to just pick myself up by my bootstraps, and start appreciating and living my life again.



Funny how it's been two years since my diagnosis and all of my emotions seem to be hitting me now. What a beast cancer is.

mpeaches

BrandyB - I'm having trouble forumlating what is on my mind, so bear with me.  There is some thought in the cancer community of late, that going through cancer leaves patients (some) with basically PTSD.  I'm wondering if there are therapists who specialize in this, and if that would help you.  At the moment I'm in the worry boat as well - excruciating back pain that we think is a side effect of the Tamoxifen, but if it hasn't abated in about 10 more days, back for more testing I go.  Today was a hard day for me fear wise.  Huge hugs to you dear one.

LisaMomOfFour

Someone posted a quote online last year while I was just diagnosed... it really hit home and I wrote it on a little yellow post it and have it on my wall at work.  "Worry never robs tomorrow of its sorrow but only saps today of its strength."  I love that quote, and look at whenever I feel that twinge of fright with every little ache and pain.  

I took a class on mindfulness at the local cancer wellness center, and that seemed to help.  

I'm sorry you are going through this.  I am doing better now, took antidepressants for about six months and that helped me get on an even keel while I worked on coping skills, and I stopped taking them about a month ago.   I really feel for you, I found the emotional side of this journey twenty times harder than any of the physical pain from surgery, chemo or rads.  Compared to my emotional state, the physical side was a piece of cake.   

You can get back on solid ground... make use of all the resources that you can find! 

BrandyB

Thank you for your kind words. Today is a better day.



Cancer sucks!

mgm1953

Brandy, I know what you mean. I start worrying about every ache and pain, then I worry that worrying causes stress and stress weakens my immune system.

So rationally, it makes sense to forgive yourself for being upset, its normal.  Acknowledge that, then be your own best friend and tell yourself its going to be okay, live one day at a time and make the most. Otherwise whats the point of surviving?

I have to tell myself this when I get "in a mood". Evenings are worst, then ativan is my friend

Hugs,

mgm