Off topic/Snappy comebacks

kira66715

Dedicated to Suzy--I'm in awe of your writing. This is one of those emails that get forwarded around, but I thought, for all the dumb questions we get, maybe one of them would be useful

These glorious insults are from an era before the English language got boiled down to 4-letter words.....

A member of Parliament to Disraeli: "Sir, you will either die on the gallows or of some unspeakable disease."
"That depends, Sir," said Disraeli, "whether I embrace
your policies or your mistress."

"He had delusions of adequacy." - Walter Kerr

"He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I
admire." - Winston Churchill

"I have never killed a man, but I have read many
obituaries with great pleasure." Clarence Darrow

"He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary.." - William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway).

"Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I'll waste no time reading it." - Moses Hadas

"I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it." - Mark Twain

"He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his
friends." - Oscar Wilde

"I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new
play; bring a friend, if you have one." - George Bernard Shaw to WinstonChurchill
"Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second ...if there is one." - Winston Churchill, in response.

"I feel so miserable without you; it's almost like having
you here." - Stephen Bishop

"He is a self-made man who worships his creator." - John Bright

"I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial." - Irvin S. Cobb

"He is not only dull himself; he is the cause of dullness in others." - Samuel Johnson

"He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up." -
Paul Keating

"In order to avoid being called a flirt, she always yielded easily." - Charles, Count Talleyrand

"He loves nature in spite of what it did to him." - Forrest Tucker

"Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without
any address on it?" - Mark Twain

"His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork."
-Mae West

"Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go." - Oscar Wilde

"He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lamp-posts...for support rather than illumination." - Andrew Lang, 1912

"He has Van Gogh's ear for music." - Billy Wilder

"I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it." - Groucho Marx

BoobsinaBox

Thanks, Kira!  I don't often sit at the computer laughing when I'm reading about LE.  I needed this today!

Dawn

kira66715

Dawn, I enjoyed them too--delusions of adequacy....

Kira 

Suzybelle

Wow!  I am so honored that I have a thread dedicated to me. 

I have to add one from my all-time fave movie to quote, "The Holy Grail".

Frenchman: I don't want to talk to you no more, you empty-headed animal food trough wiper! I fart in your general direction! Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries!Sir Galahad: Is there someone else up there we can talk to?Frenchman: No, now go away or I shall taunt you a second time!

---

My  last one is from the tv show "The Closer", which I thought was hysterical.

"If I liked being called a b%tch to my face, I would still be married."

garnet131

These are great.  Wish I wasn't one who thinks of the comeback about 3 hours later!

kira66715

Suzy, that line from the Closer was one of the first episodes, and I loved it. Brenda Lee said it so sweetly.

We always quote from the Holy Grail. "it's just a bunny...."

You're dealing with a person who quotes Spaceballs the Movie to her PCP, when I was disgusted with LE and the care I was getting, I quoted the line from the space ship where Rick Moranis asks each member of the crew their last names, and they're all a@#hole: and he says "Great, I'm surrounded by a@##holes!" and I told my PCP that that's how I felt about the Breast Health Center, and she calmly said "That movie is a big favorite in my house too."

Kira 

Suzybelle

kira, love Spaceballs - and I am a huge "The Closer" fan...between that and Masterpiece Mystery, that's about all I watch.  I adore Inspector Lewis.  I think I'm a frustrated homicide detective. 

 Also can quote "Young Frankenstein" so much that no one else can watch it with any enjoyment at all.  That is probably the best movie EVER.

He vass my BOYFRIEND!!!!!!!!!!!