Mini Meltdown Today

pupfoster1

Does anyone else out there keep it all bottled up, WANTING to cry but just can't.  Then something just snaps and out it all comes.  I had one of those days today.  I had a phychiatrist appt that was assigned to me from SS to assess me for possible benefits.  So going in to that I was anxious.  Lots of dumb questions that I had already answered most of them on the SS disability forms, plus some off the wall stuff about my adoption and why I decided to search for my birthparents.  WTF does that have to do with my physical and emotional pain since my dx?  I swear I feel like it's PTSD. 

Then had  issues with 12 year old son falling behind in his classes, with an impatient father, who swears I woke up at 3 am to punch him in his back and then go right back to sleep.  Seriously, he came home from work and told the kids I did that.  For real?  I have absolutely NO memory of punching him (now I wish I did) and had already apologized this morning, but NOOOOO, he had to still make an issue of it when he came home.  Again, WTF?  Like I really woke up, looked over at him, slugged him, then rolled over and went back to sleep on purpose.   Oh yeah, and I have my onc appt tomorrow and am worried about that.

So I start tearing up taking my son to football and on the way home lose it.  Had to pull over and cry and bitch alone for a while.  Then I got out of the car and pet some horses at a farm I pass on the way.  Snapped out of it for now, but tomorrow's another day.

Thanks for listening, AGAIN!!

Love you all,

Sharon

SharonMH

Hi  Just the other Sharon here. I am so sorry that today was hard for you. Yes I agree we keep it all in sometimes. We want to make it all better for everyone.. I am thinking of you for your appt tomorrow. Maybe Molly could use a hug.  SharonH 

elmcity69

((((((((((sharon)))))))))

yes, some days are just ridiculously hard. it seems like the universe is tilting against us - and that's even before we deal with fu#*@(ing cancer!

i love the image of you stopping on the way home to pet those beautiful horses. thank God for animals - big, small, furry, whatever. (i still remember how one of my cats --my gorgeous Maine coon-- would snuggle into my lap and STAY there -on the worst of chemo days. he would give me these looks that would bring tears to my eyes - i swear that animal knew something was up).

anyway, sending you love and hugs. tell that hubby your bco. sistahs are gonna come round and kick his ass if he doesn't wisen up! (okay, don't tell him that - more stress on you. just imagine us coming to the back door - pink ribbon mafia posse)

love you. tomorrow is another day...we're behind you.

xo

j

Anonymous

 Awww, Sharon, Nothing like a psych visit to bring up all the bottled stuff inside and adding to a real WTF type of day.  I'm sorry you had a day like this.  Sometimes having a good cry can be a little cleansing when it comes to bottled up stresses.  And there is NOTHING more calming and soothing as the feel of the soft nose of a horse against the palm of your hand.  Those horses where your angels today.

Barb

 

pupfoster1

AWWW,  I love you guys!!!!

Thank you for being here, and for the sweet horsey nose.  I wanna rub it right now!

Sharon

kim40

Hi Sharon

I think those days are still going to creep up on us - no matter how far out of diagnoses we are.  I had one last week.  It was terrible.  I just felt the world was crashing in on me and I just sat there and cried for about two hours.  All of those feelings of being scared and shocked, and being worried about my family came to the forefront.  I felt so much better after I had my cry. 

I'm 9 months ahead of you from diagnoses date. And even though those days are getting further and further apart, I still have them as I'm sure others do to.

Take care of yourself and be sure to take time for yourself.  We all need to do that and sometimes we forget.

(((Hugs)))

Elizabeth1959

I can definitely understand why seeing a psychiatrist to determine SS benefits would be very stressful.  You have to talk about things which are scary, sad, painful and very hard to deal with.  Plus you are bound to feel that you have to convince the doctor that you are "crazy" enough to deserve SS benefits.  As a fellow stage IIII, I think this journey is very difficult.  Some days I feel ok and other days I do not.  I hope doctors visit goes smoothly and you get what you need.

Elizabeth

elmcity69

hey girl - wondering how it went.

xo

j

jennyboog

Sharon, I'm so sorry....yes, I do bottle it up and then BAM!  I think the lack of estrogen & AI's have a lot to do with it too.  I'm so irritable and make "mountains out of mole hills" all the time and as for DH's...sometimes there's just no excuse for them.  After tx is harder than the tx I think, I'm having a hard time with it.  I feel broke, mentally and physically, and paralyzed to move on if that makes sense.  I hope all went well and remember we're here for you.

CherylinOhio

Hi Sharon, yes I feel like that just about everyday.  Sometimes I sit at me desk and just start to cry. It sucks!! I am not a cryer I am a B*T*CH. But this "thing" will take down the toughest of us at times. You just haev to pick yourself up and say screw that "It's" not beating me.  I jsut sold my horse, he was awesome but it was getting to be too much for me right now. I have my 6 wonderful cats that I enjoy and they love to cuddle. We just have to take it a day at a time and hope that what we are doing will be enough. There are so many gals on this site that are surivivors, I don't know what I would have done if I had not found this site with all of these wonderful people!!

pupfoster1

Hi Cheryl,

I am sorry you had to sell your horse.  As you can tell from this thread I am a horse lover myself, and that day they really helped calm me.  I'm glad you have the kitties to keep you sane.  I have a black lab (Molly) and she's my bud through thick and thin.  Gotta love our pets, that UNCONDITIONAL love stuff, for real!

Sharon

PeggyDixon

Hi dear sisters,

I was reading your posts and just wanted to come on and say hi. I am also Stage 3, a bit further out than you guys - diagnosed in 2006. I still have days like you describe but thankfully they happen less and less often. One thing I notice is that people really don;t understand when I get stressed/anxious/worried/bitchy about it - they figure it's been 6 years so I'm cured so get over it! Of course I am very happy it's been 6 years but as we all know, there are no crystal balls and I should still be allowed to get nervous!! I have 3 sweet rescue kitties, 1 tarantula and 1 salamander....the latter two aren't very cuddly but the kitties are mega-cuddly.  Love to you all!

Peggy