Cleaning out closet pre-bmx - and sad

rachelvk

I'm a month overdue in swapping out my summer and winter clothes - obviously I've had more weighty things on my mind, and Mother Nature obliged with all this unusually warm weather. But I finally tackled it today.

I have a lot of things that I should get rid of, and this has been a good motivator to clean out. But now facing a bmx in just over 2 weeks, it's hard. The bathing suits? The strapless black lacy bra from Victoria's Secret that I've hardly worn, but was there when I wanted it? Those nice sweaters that hug my curves just so... Granted, once I've gone ahead with reconstruction (doing TE's now and then hoping to go ahead with a DIEP when I have the time and mindset to deal with the recovery time) I should be able to spice up my wardrobe, but it will never be the same. I'm starting to fully realize what's about to happen, and it can just be so frustrating to imagine.

I just keep telling myself this all will be a great excuse to update my wardrobe, some of which goes back to my college years (but the fashions keep coming back in style!) 

thepinkbirdie

Too bad we can't get a bunch of us together and have a clothes swap.

I had my surgery a little over two years ago and I'm still going through clothes.  But, I'm also a pack rat.  AND I had lost weight before my diagnoses then gained it all back. So I have clothes that are too small and still have tags on them!

I'm so disorganized. 

Go buy yourself a nice colorful scarf or fun hat for winter! 

Anonymous

Rachel- This is such a long process and sounds like there's still some choices to be made when it comes to your reconstruction.  Most of us who choose recon, though, do end up being very close to the size we were before BC.  So I wouldn't get rid of anything yet especially those pieces you truly love!  You just never know what will work and what won't.  If you think it will be sad to see some things right after your MX then box them up if you have room and pack them away until the time is right.  There were very few things afterwards, though, that I couldn't still wear, except maybe the bras and who doesn't love a new bra!  Good luck with your upcoming surgery.  Hope it all goes well.  (((hugs)))

rachelvk

Thanks for all the support and hugs. I'm optimistic about recon - wanted DIEP, but couldn't guarantee they wouldn't use some muscle, so I decided to put it off and recover from the mx more quickly. Once I had my brca+ results, I didn't hesitate to go for a bmx, but there's a huge gap between making a logical choice and letting the emotions sink in about what they will mean. 

If anything, my dx is helping me get a leg up on cleaning old stuff out! It's way overdue. 

Jellydonut

Rachel,

Sending you lots of good thoughts and energy.  I remember having the same feelings before my BMX.  Now, it's five years & two foobs later and all is well (including wearing nice bras again).

Best of luck with your surgery and don't forget to pamper yourself!!

Hugs,

Jelly

puce

Hi Rachel,

Thanks for starting this tread, I am having a BMX in November with DIEP.  I am beyond scared.  I can't even imagine it.  Anyone out there with advice?  

babycakes82

Hi Rachel,  I have had lots of emotional times about his too. I know for me, I have screamed, cried, yelled!!  My choice to have BMX was the hardest choice I have ever had to make in my life.  After pathology came back, I know I did the right thing!   I am 4 weeks post BMX.  I will say for me, I have enjoyed not having to wear a bra!  I know that is weird, but I had large, dense breasts. I am even wearing sleeveless clothes.  I opted for the tissue expander route. I would love to do something with all my bras, so I decided to have a " Bye, Bye, Bra Party" before my exchange surgery sometime before Christmas.  I am even going to have it catered so it will be fun; invite all my close friends.  I will have all the ladies bring bras so we can make a donation to a local womens shelter.  It makes me feel good when I can help someone else, and it help take my mind off of me. I will pray for you to have strength, courage and peace during this process. We all need that. Without out all the ladies here, I know I would be lost and having the support and acceptance makes it so much more tolerable for me. I wish you nothing but the best! Allison

rachelvk

Babycakes - I love the idea of donating bras to a shelter. I've been thinking of doing some type of party, but even though I have a good sense of humor about some of this, I'm not sure I'd be up for the 'bye bye boobies' parties I've heard about. I'll find something.

How have the TEs worked out?

I haven't screamed yet. Just the crying and tearing up. I'm sure that day will come.

babycakes82

So far I have only had 1 fill.  It went well, but felt so strange.  I am due for another tomorrow!  I know what you mean about the Boobie party.  That is why I decided to do the Bra thing.  And providing Bras to the women's shelter.  One thing I wanted to suggest is after you have your Mastectomy I would go to a nice hair salon and get your hair washed and dried.  They do such a good job on scalp massages, and your hair is all clean!This made me feel better than anything.  I had trouble leaning over the sink to do it so I choose this option and since I was somewhat out of it, it worked out beautifully.  I was able to get out of the house and be half  normal.  It made me want to get up, get dressed and put make up on.  Even if I didnt feel great, but george, I looked good! HEHEHE