Worried about being unafraid

beacon800

This will sound strange, but I am wondering if anyone else has these feelings. In Dec 2009 I had a BMX for LCIS/plcis. They didn't find anything invasive. I am not on any hormonals. I did not do recon and have no trouble from thar as I was small before. Physically I can do 100% of everything I ever did and I have no pain. Very lucky!!



But for 6 months during dx and treatment I was scared out of my mind. That horrible fear we all know, when we don't know if the next shoe will drop and we are having new tests all the time, etc. I always knew my breasts would fail and had been worried about it for several years leading up to my abnormal mammo. So I have been worried a long, long time.



Lately I have not been worried. Not at all. I drink small amounts of wine, I had tofu twice in the past week. In a way I feel like nothing ever happened to me, like I am just forgetting about it.



So just tonight I felt funny about this. Like am I stupid to feel like a "normal" person? Am I really

out of the woods here? Does anyone else feel like this? Maybe I'm scared that if I get too comfortable something bad will come. It's weird, and I'm confused.

CoolBreeze

Your being worried or not won't bring on anything bad, any more than rubbing a rabbit's foot will bring on anything good.

Even I don't live my life in fear or panic all the time. I'm scared almost never.  Whatever will happen will happen, so just do your best, keep your appointments, life a healthy lifestyle and take pleasure in being alive.

lovetosail

I think you sound mentally healthy with your attitude.  I mostly feel similarly - occasionally get worked up over something (found a small lump in the recon breast that looks like it is a dermoid cyst, not cancer) but for the most part I feel/act normal.  Like CoolBreeze says, whatever will happen to us in the future will not hinge on our attitude today, so enjoy your NORMAL life!!

DocBabs

You did not have cancer but you lived under the threat of perhaps developing it so naturally you worried.You then had surgery to remove the threat and now your mind has finially decided that you should get back to normal, whatever that is, and no more worrying.Be happy and enjoy the wine!

JanetM

I agree with Coolbreeze - whatever will happen will happen and theris not much that we can do to change it.  We have to live our lives to the fullest, enjoy every moment, take care of ourselves the best we can by continuing the follow up appointments and trying to live healthy.

beacon800

Thanks for talking me down ladies



I guess I am just bouncing around from the whole situation. I've been worried so long it feels weird when it stops. You are right, whether I worry or not, things will be what they are, so I may as well cut it out. Thanks for the encouragement!