STAGE III HUSBANDS & PARTNERS CHECK IN HERE!

Anonymous

I'd like to welcome DH's and Life Partners to this forum.  Those of you who Come to Stage III for answers and encouragement because of your partner's diagnosis.  Feelings, Fears, Triumphs, Scan Issues, Questions, all the overwhelming stuff, bring it here!

Barb

Anonymous

My own DH has been my Rock and I know that on this BC journey he's suffered in so many ways along with what I've gone thru.  I often wish when I come here to our Stage III place that there would be a place for DH's to vent, ask, and encourage, whatever.

Barb

Husband11

I am so glad that I found this place.  Bev and I have connected with so many great people and learned so much.  It's no good being / feeling isolated.  There is a wonderful community here.

faithfulheart

This is a great idea!!  I will tell DH about it, I know he could use comfort as well.

Way to go Barb!!

Hugs

steph

Anonymous

I think it's so hard for DH's in so many ways.  When I was first diagnosed I had so  many fears and was in shock and so negative. I told DH,  "I know it's cancer" and he kept saying nah, don't worry you've had lumps before" then the cancer diagnosis!  Then I kept saying I will have to have mastectomy.  He said "no you'll probably have the lump taken out, you won't lose your breasts". Then BS tells us I have no choice.  Mastectomy and SN biopsy to see if cancer has spread. Again DH was optomistic, and pathology was cancer cells found, so BS tells us I have to go back in the hospital again and remove more nodes to see how far it's spread.  DH looked at me in my eyes in the BS office and in his face he saw the fear and dispair in my eyes,  I think it hit him too at that moment,  I know he looked like he wanted to cry along with me.  After surgeries, he was facing chemo with me, and I kept saying "Im going to lose all my hair and be bald."  He said "no not all chemo causes hair loss"  I kept saying I knew it for a fact.  I really beleive he finally got it totally when I was as bald as a baby after my second chemo treatment. My daughter came over and buzzed my head after my hair started falling out in clumps.  Chemo was another road we traveled and sitting in the chemo chair with all the IV bags hooked up was another reality he faced.  DH was always so steady and calm and reassuring, and would not let me do anything that he could do.  He handled all the insurance questions and issues and never let me worry about a thing.  DH totally gets it all without ever a negative day.  I so wonder how he's doing over this.  I think he's just taken for granted I will survive now that I look like I did before BC. My hair is now longer than shoulder length again, and still healthy shiny blonde and thick as ever.  This cancer diagnosis he really got it totally when the onc told us I was stage III.  He's never over reacted or showed any downheartedenss over this and always a total Rock.  Even the changes in our love life from all the hormonals has not discouraged him.  I tell him I look so scarred and only have one nipple now.  He says "you're still beautiful to me and I always crave you every day".  I could go on forever about my DH, yet when I see some of the partners here asking questions of all on this forum it makes me really understand that my DH must have gone thru the same insecurities, but is not the type of guy who will get on the computer and look for answers.  I think it's helped him that I get on and tell him things from the forums here.  That's why I thought it would be a good idea to have something here for the partners who love us.

Barb

SharonMH

Hi  Barb,  I also feel the same about my DH and all that he has been through. When I was going through treatment everyone always asked about me and not about how he was feeling. I think I have a special partner.  I think this is a good idea  for our wonderful husbands and partners to share things and ask questions.  SharonH

Anonymous

I so get what you are saying SharonH.  I think the care giving partner is overlooked in all this. One thing I remember clearly is sitting in my onc's waiting room and my DH standing at the registration desk giving them all the pre appointment information and in his own likable way chatting and joking with the PA behind the desk.  In that moment as I looked at him I felt so in love with him and a strong feeling that if he ever fell ill with anything  or had to have a surgery, I would be his rock.  This man has never been in the hospital or anything.  I want to be as strong for him when he needs me as he's been for me.

Barb

ilchusband

Hello, haven't been checking the site for a while thank you for starting this forum. When I posted a couple of times early on I felt kind of strange but the members assured it was ok. My wife is 4 months out from treatment just having trouble with recurrent infections at mastectomy site. She has been fighting it since Feb lost both tissue expanders plus another surgery to remove ulcerated area, now has 3/4 in. hole that won't heal. When will this be over!

pupfoster1

 ilchusband,

I am sorry your wife and you are having a difficult time.  I have heard from other women that this has happened to (not just w/bc, but w/other surgeries) and unfortunately I think time is the only answer anyone can give you.  Each body heals so differently!  How frustrating though.  I hope she's not in a lot of pain.  What do the docs say?

Take care,

Sharon

Anonymous

ilchusband  I'm so sorry you and your wife are going thru this stuff. Hopefully now that she's a few months out from treatment, her immune system will slowly get back into sync and she'll get these infections under control.  It must be so painful for her to deal with.  Just keep following your docs instructions.  BC is the gift that just keeps on giving.  It's always something.  Praying for you both.

Barb